Have you heard of the spinster who decreed that there should be no male pallbearers at her funeral? She decided that since men give her no love while she lived, they should keep their kindness when she died!
REASONS
Categories of Singles
First of all, there are singles who still hope to get married. Some who have been circumscribed by limited opportunities can enhance their prospects by seeking to enlarge their circle of friends and acquaintances. Joining clubs and other organizations, participating in social activities, traveling or attending appropriate institutions of higher learning may be of help. Others can become more attractive by improvement in dress, deportment, speech, or atti- tude. Some persons can enhance their interpersonal skills by overcoming fear and shyness, learning to mix, or by increasing their communication tools. Still others can succeed if they cease the search for perfection, remembering that they themselves are not perfect, and recognizing that while some basic requirements are crucial, other qualities are optional.
A second category of singles is composed of persons who have developed a mental block toward marriage because of unfortunate past experiences. Some have been jilted, disappointed, or hurt and are afraid to trust again. Others carry the scars of premarital sex, while still others recall the trauma of rape However, these experiences of or incest. the past, unfortunate as they have been, should not be allowed to ruin the future. The dark nightmare of yesterday should not be permitted to destroy the bright vision of tomorrow. As the Scripture says, Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize" (Philippians 3:13, 14).
Some stay unmarried because of a deliberate personal choice. For reasons of their own, whether loveof independence, commitment to careers, or otherwise they prefer to remain single. Others are unmarried by the will of God. In His wisdom, singleness for them is a part of divine providence. Still others are single because of separation or divorce. Then, there are those who are single because the icy hand of death has snatched the life of a spouse. We will be dealing with both divorce and death in later chapters.
Guidelines in Coping With Singleness
Regardless of the reason, however, the single person neede to master the art of coping with the complexities of Singleness. Let us examine some useful uidelines.
Gifts
First of all, it should be reconized that singleness is one of God's gifts. While God gives to some the gift of marriage, to somo He bestows the gift of singleness. In one of His discourses, when Jesus underscored the fact that the marriage vow should last a lifetime, His disciples replied,"If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry" (Matthew 19:10). To this option of staying single, Christ declared, uNot everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given" (verse 11). Here the Savior was saying that singleness is a gift that is given to some persons.
The apostle Paul also affirmed this concept when he said, "I wish that all men were as I am, [i.e. unmarried]. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that" (1 Corinthians 7:7). So, some have been granted the gift of marriage while others have been given the gift of singleness. And both originate from the same gracious Benefactor. In continuing this theme, the apostle pointed out that the one who is committed to marriage "should get married," while the person who makes a commitment to singleness "also does the right thing" (verses 36, 37).
Blessings
Then, count the blessings. Life is like a rosebush with its thorns and its roses. Marriage had both roses and thorns, and singleness has its roses and its thorns. There is the thorn of loneliness. Without spouse or children, life can be lonely. Then there is the thorn of societal stigma, for society tends to treat the single person as a second-class citizen. Of course, there Is the thorn of sexuality, the constant battle of dealing with our sexual desires.
But there are also the roses! Look at the rose of control. The single woman is not required to divide her time with husband and children. She is in control. The unmarried man has no responsibility to share the management of money with a spouse. He is in control. Then, there 1s the rose of freedom-freedom of movement, freedom to tend to one's personal priorities. The apostle Paul highlighted another freedom--the freedom to serve. This is how he stated it. "I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs- how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world how he can please his wife and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or Virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs:..But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world-how she can please her husband" (verses 32-34). So singleness has some blessings. Let's count our blessings. We should also remember that while marriage can contribute to one's happiness, marriage is not the key to happiness. In fact, some of the unhappiest people on earth are persons trapped in a harmful marriage. Isn't it better to be single and happy than to be married and miser able? So let us "give thanks in all cir cumstances" (1 Thessalonians 5:18).
Self-Esteem
The third guideline is to preserve a positive self-worth. A single person is not inferior to a married person. Both are equal in God's sight. Our Worth is not in nmarriage, but in Christ, for we "are complete in him" (Colossians 2:10, NKJV). When we look in the mirror, we should feel good about ourselves because God thinks highly of us. Whether married or single, each person is "precious" and valuable to God (Isaiah 43:4). History speaks of single people who recognized their value to God, and their worth to society, and gave rich blessing to the world. We can never forget Florence Nightingale, the "lady with the lamp," hospital reformer and founder of modern nursing. There was Sir Isaac Newton, famous mathematician and physicist who discovered the law of gravity. And what about Evangeline Booth, first female general of the international Salvation Army? Then there was Ludwig van Beethoven, deaf German composer, one of the great music masters. And how many milions have been charmed by the artistry of Marian Anderson, one of the greatest contraltos of all time! For the most significant portion of his life, Paul, the greatest Christian theologian of all time, was unmarried. So was Dorcas, the indefatigable apostolic social worker. But the greatest hero of the singles' hall of fame was Jesus. Married only to His mission of this world's salvation, He lived his life with an unswerving singleness of purpose. So singles are in illustrious company.
Dependence
It is important that the single person maintain a valuable circle of friends. The desire for companion.
ship is a universal need wo the fabric of the human heart h Into inte divine hand (Genesis 2:18). Th a by a fore, one of the single perse wildest nightmares is loneliness rSon's the absence of a tamily, one a circle of friends. Sometimes eeds is the temptation to become a recl but this should be resisted because cluse, constant seclusion can become ause nesting place of negative self-worth. the On the other hand, social interac. tion can enhance positive self. esteem. It is wise, therefore, enlarge the circle of friendships, to both male and female. The sage declared, "A man who has friends must himself be friendly" (Proverbs 18:24, NKJV).
Independence
But while in the area of social relationships it is necessary to be interdependent, in the field of financial support there is need for independence. The fifth guideline is: be financially independent. Since money is indispensable to our material existence, a single person should possess some measure of economic self-sufficiency. Somany women have become victims of sexual exploitation because of their lack of skills to compete in today's job market and be financially independent. And education, be it academic or vocational, is a vital key to this economic independence. Ine Counsel of the Scripture is clear: "Make it your ambition to lead a quiet ire to mind your own business and to Work with your hands,...so that y bu will not be dependent on anybody (1 Thessalonians 4:11, 12).
Sexuality
We now come to a delicate point: permitting God's control of our sexuality. The consciousness of sexual desire causes some sincere, single people to feel guilty of being terrible sinners. The fact is that in itself this desire is divine, created and instilled in human beings by the hand of God (Genesis 2:24). Sexual desire is not sinful; it is normal. The challenge is to find the Christian way to deal with it. It should be remembered that temptation is not sin. It is dwelling upon temptation that leads to sin. It is yielding to temptation in thought, word, or action that constitutes sin. The question is, How can I deal With sexual desire? The answer 1S offered in James 4:7, 8. "Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you." Here are found three concepts. One, "Submit to
God." This is an act of human will. I make up my mind to do the right. Two, "Come near to God." This is prayer. I ask for God's power. Three, God gives the victory. When He fights the devil, Satan is sure to "flee."
This brings us to the cognate principle of sublimation. Since sexual desire anticipates emotional fulfillment, any viable alternative must Supply some measure of emotional satisfaction. It is not enough to "resist," we must also assist. It is not adequate to practice repression; we must also practice redirection. It is not enough to say "No" to the evil. We must also say "Yes" to an alternative good. The Bible puts it this way. "Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good" (Romans 12:21). This redirection of energy and emotion is termed sublimation.
Evidently, that's what Dorcas did. She got so fascinated with her community welfare projects that while supplying the material needs of others her own need for emotional fulfillment was being satisfied. So in the hours of leisure, the single person would be wise to engage in wholesome activities that will supply an experience of emotional fulfillment. Whatever it is-tending the roses, running the marathon, or relieving the needy the hobby should be meaningful and matched to the individual's taste, while possessing the potential for personal emotional satisfaction.
Best Friend
Finally, let Christ bcome Best Friend lite's dearest Friend. God is still the greatest Lover, and this gracious Benetactor has promised to stupply all our needs (Philippians 4:19). As we rest in His abundant love, every vital need will be supplied. No good thing will he with- hold trom them that walk up- rightly" (Psalm 84:11 KIV). Toevery single woman He sings, "Your Maker is your husband-the Lord Almighty is his name" (Isaiah 54:5). And to every single man He says, "There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother" (Proverbs 18:24). Day after day He whispers, "You're precious to Me. I want to walk with you and talk with you. I want to be your Best Friend because I love you." Many centuries ago, a significant young woman experienced this spiritual intimacy. With her brother, Lazarus, and her sister, Martha, Mary lived in the little town of Bethany. She was an affable maiden, single, sweet and lovable. Unfortunately, she stopped to listen to the tempting words of a Pharisee named Simon, and soon fell into adultery. As the bad news circled in her Judean village, she decided to move northward to the Galilean town of Magdala. However, instead of getting better, things got worse. She drifted into sinful pleasure, fell into corruption, and found herself moving from one man to another. In her spiritual degradation, demons took possession of her life. There at Magdala, she was proverbial for her profligacy and became known as Mary Magdalene. Her life became sour and miserable.
But one day Jesus came to Magdala, and the battle began for her soul. As the word of Christ challenged the power of Satan, the demons shouted, struggled, then submitted to the Savior. Seven devils left her. Her life changed, and she became a new person. Celebrating her newfound freedom, Mary became a disciple of Jesus (Luke 82 3). Christ became her very Best Friend.
Change
Today, the minds of men and women have again become the dwelling place of demons. Young and old alike seem to be driven by a power beyond themselves down the path to spiritual destruction. But Jesus still strides along the streets of modern Magdala. Whatever may be the devils that haunt the human soul-dread or despair, sorrow or suicide, drugs or drunkenness, pride or pleasure adultery or anger whatever may be the demons that torment the spirit, Jesus Christ can give victory. Spirit, Jesus Christ, he is a new If anyone is in ( ation; the old has gone, the à new new has come" (2 Corinthians 5:17).
Then Mary made the bold decision to go back to Bethany. She wanted to be a Christian in her own wanted It was a challenging road hometown. onward. As she entered the village, hack, but the woman struggled she made her resoluti she would be deaf to gossipers, blind to the nobbers, and dumb to the doubters. She would let time testity to her new loyalty. Whenever the itinerant Preacher visited Judea, He found a welcome home at Bethany, for this household of singles was very special to Him. Martha, fine cook that she was, delighted to satisfy His hunger with her delicious dishes. And when Lazarus got sick and died, Christ performed the unique miracle of calling him back to life. But Mary's supreme satisfaction was in sitting at the feet of Jesus and listening to the precious lessons which He taught. She was no longer wretched and miserable. Her life had been changed. She had become a new person. She was still single, but she was now Sweet and adorable.
Gift of Love
In the meantime, Simon the Pharisee, Mary's tempter, became a leper. Wasn't he getting what he deserved? However, one day as Jesus passed by, sinner Simon called for help, and Christ, hearing his cry, gave him help and healing. What a wonderful Savior!
The Pharisee decided to say his Healer, and to this supper Martha nanks by giving a feast in honor of and Lazarus were special guests (John 12:2). As an excellent cook, Martha was an asset, and as one raised from the dead, Lazarus was a showpiece. However, Simon would not invite Mary, for her presence could be an embarrassment. But Mary decided that whether she was invited or not, she would be present to meet Jesus. The Pharisee's token of appreciation was a feast, but Mary's gift of gratitude was perfume. Hers was no ordinary gift; it was "an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume." How expensive was it? It was worth "more than a year's wages" (Mark 14:5). What a precious gift! What a special sacrifice!
But as she fingered this gift, the whole history of her past rose up before her. She saw her sin, her shame, her degradation, her haunted days, her sleepless nights, her cries of anguish, her sense of loss-she saw it all again. Then she remem- bered the day she met Jesus. She re- called the inner battle, the intense struggle, then His gift of victory. What freedom, peace, and joy!
Now, her whole soul quivered with holy emotion. Her being vibrated with joyous animation. Gratitude flooded her heart and tears of joy overflowed her soul. As she wept, her tears bathed the Savior's feet. And since there was no towel, she used her hair to dry her every tear. Then opening the jar, she poured out her precious perfume. Not a touch here or a drop there; she emptied it all on His head and on His feet! She had opened the floodgates of her love. Could that happen again? Could
it happen to us today? Could the love ot Christ cause our souls to thrill with delight, our hearts to beat with wonder, our beings to shake with gratitude, our frames to quiver with ecstasy, our tears to overflow with joy, our lips to whisper, "Lord, I love You?" Simon gave a feast, but Mary gave her all-a lifetime of savings, the richest perfume, the gold of her dreams, her costliest treasure. Could we, like her, give our all to our Saviorour time and our talents, our wealth and our wisdom, our dreams and our desires could we give them all? Every emotion and affection, every aspiration and decision, could we give such a gitt of love?
Courage
One week passed by. Then our Savior took a lonely walk up that cruel hill called Calvary. There, with a crown of thorns upon His brow, and the stripes of the Roman whip upon His back, He was nailed to the cross.
Mockers jeered! Skeptics sneered! Churchmen cheered! Where was Judas? The traitor was racing to a suicide! Where was Peter? The coward was weeping in shame! Where were James and John, Philip and Andrew, Bartholomew and Matthew? They had fled in fear! But where was Mary? She was standing fearlessly "near the cross of Jesus" (John 19:25). Bold! Courageous! Unafraid! Isn't that the kind of person Christ wants each of us to be someone who is unafraid to take a public stand for what is right, unashamed to tell the world
that we have given our lives to Jes unafraid to tell our friends tha we belong to Christ, unasha o stand beside the cross of Jesus? It was 3:00 p.m. She heard lim cry, she saw Him die, and she marked the place of His burial. Then she went home and prepared spices a and perfumes" Luke 23:55, 56). In lif she gave Him perfume; now in death, she prepared to give Him perfum again. How wonderful was that she gave it to Him in life, for she wac not permitted to give it to Him in death. As sunset came, she "rested on tho Sabbath in obedience to the commandment" (verse 56).
Honor
Very early Sunday morning, Mary and the other women with their precious spices moved earlessly toward the tomb. But before thev arrived, a miracle had occurred Gabriel had descended, and there had been a violent earthquake. The stone had been rolled away and Christ had come forth as a Conqueror!
The Son was ready to proceed to and aiting. Waiting for whom? Not dy In the Garden He was walking waiting for Mary! This woman, still mad James or John. He waas tor Peter about to be made single, was about to be made
As Mary beheld the empty tomb, honorable. she was bewilder Then seeing someone whom she thought to be the rdener, she. asked, "Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him."It was then that Jesus called her by her name, "Mary!" The SOund of His voice was music to her ears. It was her Master! As she was about to embrace Him, He declared, Do not hold on to me, for I have not et returned to the Father" (John 20:15, 17).
Wonder of wonders! Before the eavenly Father met the risen Savior, ary met Him! What a fantastic honor! The first human being to see the risen Lord was a woman-a single woman! Before Peter or John, Mary saw Him! Before the Father greeted Him, this woman greeted Him! Single, sweet, and adorable, Mary was now privileged and honorable.
It is still true today. Every woman who stands up for Jesus be- Comes special-not wretched and miserable, but sweet and adorable. Every man who takes his stand for Christbecomes Special-not degraded and horrible, but privileged and honorable. This tender love of Mary finds its echo in every human breast. It constrains our hearts to pulsate with gratitude, and inspires our souls to sing with joy. It stirs our desires to- take a fresh look into the lovely face of Jesus, and say with sublime ecstasy, "Lord, I love You."
Let's have a coffee
Hari
Blessings