We could have been

And so, I've finally finished my hanahaki boy and I've given him a little story to add to this sad lore

“Hello, are you Samuel?” A teary-eyed woman approached him as he peeked through his friend’s casket. 

He looked to the woman and gave a small, confused nod in return. “That’s me,” He said solemnly and turned to face her.

“You were Anthony’s friend. There was a letter we found in his belongings addressed to you” Carefully, she handed him the letter and nodded in thanks before tucking it into his coat pocket. He would save that for later. 

He lingered a bit longer at his friend’s wake. They were asking him to explain how he found Anthony in his dorm room and it pained him to constantly relive that memory of his friend over and over again. When the people who visited thinned out, he took it as his cue to take his leave as well. 

On his way back to the university, the letter which he kept in his coat pocket fell out as he was reaching for a handkerchief.

“It looked like you had so much to say to me to write it all in a letter” There was no amusement in his tone, everything just sounded flat to him. Despite his depleting energy, he still tore open the envelope and scanned through the letter his dear friend left him.

Dear Sam, 

It must be weird receiving a letter from someone not from here but I wanted you to read this letter and to understand why I had to take a leave from university. So here it goes. 

The old folks in the town i grew up in used to say that love is a dangerous thing when it was not reciprocated. It could drive people mad, and worse, it could drive one to their grave. Perhaps I was too young to understand the gravity of these words. Or perhaps the love people had was shallow. It always lingered deep in my thoughts. Why love someone you could never have? 

Up until my teen years, I honestly pondered on the question of loving someone unattainable. How did such a thing happen? Wasn’t there a sort of soulmate assignment per person? My entire High school years passed with the thought constantly floating in my thoughts. A curiosity that will remain unanswered… Or so I thought. 

It was until I started going to university that I could admit to feelings of attachment. But with the same gender… was this allowed? Nevertheless, I gave in to my urges and tried to get as close to the man as possible. It wasn’t even such a hard task. You were friendly enough and my offer of friendship was welcomed with open arms. Soon enough, you became a constant fixture in my university days. 

It was also during this time that I felt like there was something strange growing in me. I was pretty sure it was my feelings for you, but when I came home over the break and my grandmother said something felt strange about me, I knew I was in trouble. When I started coughing out petals, that was what confirmed it.

I still came back to uni after break ended for the chance of seeing you. I didn’t know my condition would become that bad. I didn’t think diseases from my village’s lore ever came true but I would laugh at my younger self now for not having believed. I would laugh at myself for loving someone I could never have. It’s unfortunate that you have to find out this way but the person I can’t have is you. 

P.s. Apparently in the lore, if I confessed to you, and you reciprocated my feelings, this could go away. But I don’t think it would ever be. I’ll accept my fate.

All the best, 

Anthony

After having read through the letter, frustration bubbled up deep inside of him. So it was all because of him? 

“You idiot! You dumb country bumpkin!” He shouted at the top of his lungs as he clutched onto the letter for dear life “If you just told me sooner!” Tears started streaming down his cheeks as he once again relived Anthony’s last moments in his dorm room. How Anthony smiled at him when he saw him rushing into the room. And how Anthony’s barely audible voice sounded when he said “we could have been if I was courageous enough”

Anthony had to fight back the urge to gag as he remembered his friend surrounded by bloodied flowers that seemed to have been feeding off of the man. In the end, Anthony was gone, and nothing he will do would ever bring him back.

“We could have been if I was courageous enough to ask too”