I was pretty sure things wouldn't last when I met you. You honestly just wanted fun and I was just curious of things. I don't know how things came to this but never did I regret anything. I don't think I ever would. Time with you was precious. Much more precious than I had hoped for. You were precious to me.
I had wanted to spend much much more time with you. Those unfulfilled dates before covid came. That promise of a swimming trip. I don't think we'd get to do that after all but I still hoped we'd get to go on those when things had calmed down a bit.
I sincerely hoped for more time with you after having met you. After knowing more about you, After getting to see a lot of sides of you and your ideals. They were all precious memories I will hold dear to me. I love you. I always will. You were among the only people I dated that mattered to me this much.
I don't question why I wanted to spoil you so much. I also don't question why I prioritized your wants before mine. That smile on your face was already enough to make my day. Knowing that you're eating and that you're happy. They became my happiness too.
You have no idea how often I would pray for your safety and health even if I wasn't such a religious person. You were the only person I ever offered such things for.
I understand that half the time, I was the cause of your sadness and that I sometimes trigger your depression with my impatience and insensitivity but I always tried to pull you back out. I never wanted you to be in that dark space. It seemed much better that I suffered that for you.
But then my own anxiety attacks might be enough, maybe too much for me to handle already.
I don't know what I'll do or where my mind will be for the next few days. I'm just lost right now. 2 years is no joke for me. and I had hoped 2 years made an impact on you as much as it has with me. This is the last letter I'll ever write for you.
Though I won't be the one to give this to you. I sincerely wish you happiness. On your own, your hobbies and in whomever you meet in the future. I just really want to see you happy.
Sincerely,
MVH
A good letter you wrote there dear. I wish you happiness, joy and a way, person who can help, support you, a life without anxiety. 🍀💕