It started with a match

I gained permission to post after finding out that he was curious about what I've thought of our journey together so far. That's why I'll be writing this based on summarized notes i kept in my journal

February, 2019

We first met in a dating site. He was a unique character among them. Openly lewd and very straightforward. I liked it. 2 weeks passed by and I found out he had clinical depression. I still persisted to bug him, remind him that he just needed to see some things through before deciding on ending his life. I also learned the trivial things about him as we continued to plan our meeting. Oftentimes, I took note of those simple facts. He never understood why though but then people always overlooked the small details. Those details were actually the ones that mattered to me the most. I wonder if he ever saw me as a strange girl because it was habitual of me to greet him with good mornings and good nights whenever either of us woke or needed to sleep. I liked being able to do those though, it's a good reminder that someone thinks of you when they sleep and when they wake up.

March, 2019

We finally met! You looked much better than in photos. Smelled weirdly pleasing to me too. It was no typical first meeting though. That day I offered myself to him and he handled everything with care. He even walked took me as far as he could travel but he couldn't take me home for reasons that I lived too far and he had work the next day. It was fine though, but it was a first anyone showed that much concern for me. It was basically experimental for me. Maybe it was my own depression still at work then but after that, he stayed. Amazing as it was, he never left my side since then, even told me about his days. I came to realize that we were the changes we both needed in our lives. I was sure that meeting him was something I'll never regret.

April, 2019

We met again. I visited him after work then. I learned of his mannerisms more, and it was also the first time we played with make up. He allowed me to put my make up skills to the test on him since I've no one to try it with. It was such a strange date. The proceeding date for this month was an anime convention. It was the first I've been to in years. He cosplayed and introduced me to his friends. He learned how much I hated having my picture taken but he still managed one of us together. I found out later on how much he cherished that only photo of us. Though secretly I've wanted more of those photos as memories to cherish but I was far too shy to ever ask.

May, 2019

I found out his birthday was during this month. It was a bad day for him but I still visited him after his work just to celebrate it. I gave him a cat plushie since he loved cats so much. He later on slept with it by his side. I had hoped for another date in this month but it didn't happen. But he became more open with me in these times. I also relearned how to sew in these times and helped him with his cosplans. I decided to court him then but he never understood why I wanted to. He kept insisting he was far too broken to be loved. I thought otherwise

June, 2019

I started my internship in FDA here. He saw how easily I got drunk with just the alcohol's smell and a few times, he would call while I was tipsy. He laughed for a while then concern would follow after. He also saw how hard I worked and how much I tried to maintain our regular talks despite the horrible signal and the amount of work I had on a regular basis. He started giving me more affection than ever because of that and I loved those, more than anything. We had started making ourselves needy for each other here. It kept us on our toes in excitement. At first we both thought it would only end in lust but then it didn't, it instead bloomed into something more

July, 2019

I found out that he's never been to the cloth market, how neatly he could sew, and how he used to sew his cosplay costumes by hand. I only saw this when he asked for help for a cosplay event in his work. I saw the quality indeed. And I saw how much bad stitching bothered him.

August, 2019

My anxiety with our relationship still persisted. It made me think about things a bit. But in the end, he learned why and kept reassuring me countless of times. He was still bothered by why I was the one courting and why I never stopped doing so even after all that time. Well, seeing his shy smile was enough a reason, actually. I think he admitted to me here that his depression slowly declined after having met me. The thought made me happy

September, 2019

My birth month. Nothing much came for me but then for him, it was a succession of events, one after the other but he still made time for me. We still continued our daily talks and he'll never know how much those mattered to me. He also learned mobile legends this time because he was dragged into a tournament. I simply watched and smiled proudly as he grew better, even tried playing which led to us playing together a lot. Even when I sucked so much, he still kept playing with me, even made a second account that stuck to my level so I wouldn't struggle if he was the one that invited me to games

October-November, 2019

It was the first time we tried to go to a videoke place, I learned how your singing voice sounded but I was far too shy to even try. He never made me sing since I didn't want to, instead he sang a list of songs for me, showed me his favorites, some of which I was also fond of, some of which were far too old for me to know. I loved all of them. We started sharing our music preferences a lot since. It made me really happy. I also showed him my love for watches and I gave him one. A skeleton one which he never would have accepted if I never insisted and eventually snuck in his bag. I simply said "My grandpa always told me that if i met a wonderful man, he should be given a wonderful watch" he wore it everywhere since

December, 2019

Again, much events came pass us, it cancelled a few plans and work called for him even on the holidays. It was nice that he waited for me to wake up and almost immediately called me to wish me a merry Christmas and asked me on a date the day after.

He said it was my choice this time, so I took him to the anime hobby store section in greenhills. I loved going there but then he seemed to love it more. We got him his first gundam here and I could still remember how tears of joy flowed. He was never given a gift that nice in all his life. And I was proud to have given him that much joy that night.

January-February, 2020

He was the start of my new year because by the 2nd, we were yet on another date back to the hobby shops. It made him look like a child every time yet he'll never know how excited I was to see this side of him again. Our visits there actually frequented and I could always sense his excitement at the thought of going back. Too cute! I eventually got into the idea of building those figures too but I was sure my mother wouldn't allow it. He still bought me the bear family I kept looking at whenever we passed by stores that displayed them. I came to call that gift as my own build-a-bear and came to cherish it as much as he cherished his first gundam. I was amused that he panicked when he saw the tears of joy flow because he's never made me cry except for that moment. And it was a wonderful moment indeed.

A few more dates followed after but I regret not having gone on more dates but it took me this long to be comfortable to sing around him. When he heard my voice, he sang along as encouragement, even asked for a few songs for me to sing. He looked like he really anjoyed hearing me sing because I saw how he recorded some of them.

March, 2020

We had hoped to celebrate our first year together had we not both been busy. The last time I saw you was the time I gave you that new gundam you were having trouble looking for. If we had known it would be the last time to see each other in a while, we could have lingered around each other longer.

April-June, 2020

Months passed, you saw how bad my anxiety attacks came and I saw how his depression slowly crept back into him. We both tried to keep them at bay. And we both ended up singing to each other when we couldn't fall asleep. He started working from home and I started to focus on my papers but he won't know that I enjoyed the times we worked together. The mere presence was comforting enough and it almost felt like we were back to hanging out with each other whenever I studied and he would be raiding my bag in search of my home cooked food he loved so much. We fell into a more comfortable phase of both silence and conversation. As much as we were already comfortable before, I never knew that there was still room for growth.

July, 2020

After months of waiting, we finally had the perfect chance to sneak out. As much as taxis scared me and the thought of getting infected scared you, we pushed through. We both took taxis to our usual hiding place and as much as the taxi prices now shocked me, it was very well worth it. The moment we saw each other, everything felt the same. Like we hadn't been separated for that long. And it was amazing how we seemed to crave each other that much. The physical contact, the touch, everything. Everything fitted so nicely that it felt like between his arms has always been the place I belonged to and I could see he thought the same with how at peace he was as I kept him in my embraces. I hope we could see each other more often in the months to follow.

Side notes:

Our successes seemed to be enough a reason for a date and plenty of squishing cuddles

He thinks I'm a wolf sometimes with how much I keep trying to steal his shirts just for the scent. But I think he's a cat because of his hibernation patterns and how often he would nuzzle his face on my neck. I like it though, his scent catcges onto my clothes.

He had apparently liked me from the beginning as well because I was also such a unique persona. He just never wanted to label anything because of his fear that I would betray him like his exes. He was glad I never did. He knew I was also betrayed before.

Still stuck with no label but he perks up when I refer to him as my man or as baby while he likes to call me mommy for some reason. Apparently him calling me that was because of how much I spoil him but then it's also his own way of saying that he is my baby and I should only belong to him.