Procrastination simply means the action of delaying something. We Filipinos also call this mañana habit (mamaya na/later). I was not aware of this word not until later when I decided to get things right in my life.
My life has been stagnant for many years. Many times I pitied myself for being where I am. When I am feeling down or depressed, I blamed my past experiences, my traumas, my father, and other people or things. It was just recently that I decided to be the leader of my life, instead of playing the victim. This pandemic made me realize that my current situation is the result of my decisions in the past. My life was stagnant because I procrastinated, a lot. I also had many ideas that were shooed away because of fear. Fear of criticism and fear of getting out of my comfort zone. I thought tomorrow is always promised and my thought was always may bukas pa naman (there is still tomorrow). When I came to realize this, six years have passed. Six years of being happy-go-lucky. Six years without any goal. Six years of living from paycheck to paycheck. Six long years of being a regular employee but was not able to save for the future. No emergency fund nor savings. YOLO was my favorite line before I spend on something that was not a need. And I regret all these now. Too late? I hope not.
After that realization, I decided that this time, I'll do it right.
I started by acknowledging my bad traits and bad habits that caused the stagnation. At first, I was defensive and gave many reasons for acting the way I did. But I told myself that nothing will change if I will not change my mindset. And so, I wrote all my bad habits and made a plan on how I will change them. And one of those habits is procrastination.
Procrastination is the main culprit. I started changing this habit by having the will power to act on ideas the moment they pop into my head. I also made a morning routine that I must follow. The first days were a bit easy because the fire and willingness to change are still there. But the most challenging part for me is to continue it every single day. Being consistent is hard especially during the days when I don't feel like doing anything. Those days were the most challenging and I needed a massive amount of willpower, but I succeeded. I won against procrastination many times.
Every time I beat procrastination, I consider it a victory. It feels like I am one step closer to my goals. Aside from my goals, this feeling also helped me push through with this change. I always kept in mind that every change is a difficult and messy process, but it will be worth it. The results will be worth it. I just need to trust the process.
Today, I am still going through this process and I know I am learning. I learned the hard way but it is better than not learning at all, and living my whole life full of regrets. I know I am not too late. Recalibrating myself–my habits, my beliefs, my mindset–is not easy. But I know, it will be worth it.
And to all those who feel like nothing's going right in their lives or those who feel like there's something wrong, I want you to know that it is okay to slow down. It is okay not to figure out everything for now, but just keep going. One day, all your baby steps will bring you to your goals.