There are many different types of love we experience in a lifetime. You know that the type of love you have for your parent isn’t the same you have for your partner. But what you might not realize is that you can also experience different types of love within the course of a single relationship, and in fact, as a relationship progresses, that’s exactly what should happen.
When people talk about “falling in love,” they talk about romantic love. They talk about the newness, the nerves, the luster of a new person who is also, maybe, possibly not going to commit to you. That is one of the core tenets of romantic love: it is based on longing, not having. What makes the object of your desire so appealing is that they are not yet completely yours, and so you go into overdrive trying to “win” them. They are still mysterious, their affection comes in waves or hints, and so you get a sort of tunnel vision in which everything else is eclipsed.
In romantic love, your relationship is built a lot on chemical reactions and surface-level compatibility. Your first assessment of a romantic partner is going to be brief: are you attracted to them, and do you have enough in common that you could spend some period of time together? Beyond that, you’ll also likely become interested in one valuable part of them: maybe it’s their good looks, maybe it’s the music they play, maybe it’s how they socialize with others. Whatever it is, there will be something they have that you see as “high stock,” something you want to have as part of your life.
The other trick of romantic love is that it often fills a void. There’s a reason that some people become addicted to certain types of relationships: the chemical reaction that happens in their head is similar to that of taking drugs or other stimulants. On top of this, there are the expectations. We expect our romantic partners to give us purpose, security and meaning in life.
However, romantic love is not the kind of love on which you build a lifelong partnership.
After about one year together — though it can vary — romantic love should start to settle into attachment love. That word, “attachment,” tends to have a negative connotation, but that is not what this is. Attachment love is the love you’re actually looking for. It is the love you experience when your partner is your best friend, confidante, and friend. It is the love that you experience when you feel completely comfortable and at ease in your partner’s presence.
Romantic love is common, attachment love is rare.
Romantic love is temporary, attachment love is long-term.
Romantic love is based on what you don’t have, attachment love is based on what you do.
Romantic love is temporary... Very powerful and thoughtful... good one