@Grecy095 20 February 2022 more from that month

Not Good but Not Bad February 20, 2022 Today is Sunday, and for less than an hour it is Monday again. I woke up late because I slept late also last night. When I woke up, I know I have something in mind, a list of things I "wish" to do. Yes, I quoted the word wish because it is always part of the wish list, lol. Wish list means, it is not available for now, it might be in the future or in real life, it might or may not happen.

Part of my wish list of activities are to read Almonds, a novel. It didn't happen. Also, part on the list is exercise, check! I did it. Another on the list is being active on noise.cash for an hour, check! I did. Also on the list, to continue to learn the choreography of the song GoGo by BTS. Failed, I failed to do it. Taking down notes of possible writing prompts is part of the list too, but of course, I failed. In the afternoon, the weather is in the middle of hot and cold. My dog kept looking at me and asking me from the way she looks at me to prepare our bed. When I prepared the bed, the bed says "sleep". Yes, I heard it, the bed says sleep so I follow it.

I woke up at 7 in the evening. Before the sleeping time, I felt a sudden change of mood. I told you that I have a wish list of activities but I remember something that change my mind. I become tired and sad that leads me to become lazy. Even BTS content can't make me happy at that moment. Actually, I'm not really that sad, I just feel sorry for myself. I am in the stage that I can't appreciate what I have and I am looking for others, on what they have, that I don't have. In other words, I felt envious of someone and some people. I started to question my ways of life, why I am poor, why I am not that rich, why I am like this, why do I feel sad immediately, and there comes a time that I felt it is useless to feel that way and change my mood again. Then I stop because I realized I didn't come a long way to feel this discourage this way. To all the hard work and determination, it might not be 100% but I did what I have to do so this is just my results. Of I did pushes myself more, maybe the results is not good, but amazing.

I guess I am just being a critic of myself. I see something good with someone and I compare myself to them. Effortless they get what they want, while me, working too hard and this is just what I get. I am not satisfied. I don't know what kind of effort is the word "more effort" and how can you explain the word "more determination and perseverance" when I am doing it in my entire life. Yes, I don't know what to do anymore. I decided to sleep because the bed say so. I woke at 7pm and still having that kind of thoughts and burden that I felt earlier. I played music in my playlist, reshuffle it because I want to listen to new music. I want to refresh my mind. Maybe later or maybe tomorrow I will get back on my feet. This kind of situation is not good but not bad. Not good because you feel you are not doing your best and despite you thought you did your best, it is always not enough. Not bad because it is the time of re-assessing yourself, your mindset, your plans but not your goals. Also it is time to change habits and lifestyle. I rest my case. Hi guys, these are my sponsors!! I'm glad that I still have them. I'm always grateful for their support and to you my readers thank you for supporting my articles. Images from Unsplash