The heart want what it wants

This is a way of me putting a full stop to the story I started on read. cash about "My First Crush".

After publishing it I had a lot of people asking for a close-up to this story, a lot of things happened along the way which I will make mention along the way as I continue writing articles here on read.cash.

Okay, here goes the period of my life I will never forget.

check out my wonderful sponsors

BEFORE I ASKED HER OUT

I was in high school, senior year, we had just finished Mock exams on Geography against the WAEC examinations (which would serve as qualification into the University).

I had been planning this for weeks, rehearsing, but when I had my chances, I couldn't bring myself to say anything.

Haha, laugh all you want, it was my first time, and I was already blowing it before I even had a chance. Try telling an introvert to ask his crush out, see if he even makes a move, but at least I was trying.

The day before this, my gang - by gang I meant my close pals - informed about him, yes HIM (let's call him Jack for reference purpose), he had been making moves on HER (I will just refer to her as Cinderella, although Cinderella got nothing on her, she was PERFECT).

I had been postponing this day, I kept telling myself "I'll do it tomorrow". Sometimes I wonder what the outcome would have been if I had asked her to be my girlfriend Months ago. If only time travel was a thing?

So, that morning I tried to approach her but there he was again, this dude just won't give her some space, I think she's getting tired. I hate this Stalker move, I need to take my shot before it's too late.

Just then, while I was lost in my thought, I felt a tap on my shoulder, it was Joshua, her close friend and a member of my gang.

"I have Good news and Bad, which one do you want to hear first?"

"The Bad" - I replied immediately

I could tell it was concerning Cinderella, but what exactly was the issue?

"Brace yourself bro, you might not like what I'm about to say"

I felt time stop for a moment, almost like nothing else mattered

"Jack has asked Cinderella to be his girlfriend"

Those words felt like knives piercing through my chest, I think my heart may have stopped for a moment, took me a while to come to this new realization.

"Great, Great, are you with me?" - he asked

"Yeah, I am, so what's the good news"

Fingers were crossed as I waited patiently to hear this

"She has not given him a reply yet"

Aha, that's hopeful, could it be she hadn't said yes to him because she wasn't into him, or was she waiting for me?

Jack was the type of guy girls would wish to be their boyfriend, he lived the big life having rich parents, if this was a typical American Highschool, he'd be the Prom King looking for his Queen - Ha! Not my queen, no way. As far as I knew, he had dated several girls with zero experience of being turned down or put on hold.

So was this a sign? I was completely lost in thought I swear I didn't hear the next few things Joshua said to me until...

"you have to do it now or forget about her"

As I said earlier, this was something I had rehearsed with my Close pal, Ron. So yeah, I was ready.

I tried to picture her reaction when he asked the question, did she smile? Or was she appalled by it? then I remembered seeing them together just this morning, like two seeds in a pod.

Now, this was a miracle if miracles do exist, I had no idea what I was writing during that exams, but the fact that I had an A in my result despite how difficult it was led me to believe "Love knows all" (^^).

ASKING HER OUT

Immediately after the exams, it was time, the moment we had all been waiting for, yes WE. This was something my gang wanted to see first hand - a nerd asking the queen to be his girlfriend - I'm sure if you were there you'd also want to be a part of it. I saw my friends right I'm front of the exams all in little groups - spying.

Till today I have no idea what they did to keep Jack away but they did, "good friends do exist" I told myself.

I approached her, my heart was beating so fast you could hear it from a mile away.

"Hi, can I talk to you for a moment?"

At this point I knew exactly what to say, I had done my research on various movies where the guy asks the girl out to be his girlfriend but nothing could have prepared me for this, NOTHING!

My brain went blank, so I said exactly what came to my mind at that point.

"Cinderella, I would like you to be my girlfriend"

As those words left my mouth I could barely recognize if they were mine.

She smiled (Mama Mia! Those dimples are to die for).

"You don't have to give me an answer now, just think about it" - I immediately added

Now, I might have to ask her this later when I talk to her but I think she may have mentioned that Jack also asked her out - or was it just in the head.

Anyway, she said she'd think about it, and honestly, I wouldn't have preferred it any other way. I'm not sure I'd have been able to hear a "No, I'm sorry" at that point.

Hey, don't judge me, I know you're probably thinking I should have done better, maybe made it a little more romantic, but I wasn't as confident as I am now so forgive me.

I walked away, I wasn't sure if that was the right thing to do but I needed to let out the excitement and I didn't want to do right I'm front of her, oh boy was I relieved that she did the same.

My gangs approached me after to get an update on what had just happened, I told them with eyes full of Hope.

Hey, quick question, what do guys do right after they have asked the girl out? Was I supposed to keep her company or give her some space to think?

THE ANSWER

The wait lasted only a while but it felt like forever, I think at a point I wanted to take it back.

Can you "un-ask" someone to be your girlfriend? Is that a thing?

"I'm sorry, I can't be your girlfriend" - she said with tears in her eyes that day, I couldn't fathom what made her cry but I blamed myself for it, I wasn't even sad, I never realized that I had put her in such a tough position where she had to choose.

"It's okay, it's all good, you don't need to cry"

Yes, I said I was okay but was I?

It hurt real bad, it's a type of pain you can't explain, for a long time I dealt with that feeling. It hurt even more when she said "Yes" to Jack. Seeing the girl you love with someone else is not a fun thing to experience. It was hard to look at them together happy but I couldn't look away either.

AFTER GETTING THE ANSWER

What do guys do after facing rejection? Do I need to get drunk as they do in movies? I needed a form of distraction, anything.

It was time for exams, the distraction I needed, but exams don't last forever, sooner or later I would have to face this pain again.

I remember I kept on hoping they break up...lol.

After a while, I felt love again with another pretty girl, she had really beautiful dimples too - I guess I'm just one of those guys who attracted to girls with dimples, I have dimples myself and if you don't agree you can argue with your keyboard.

AWKWARD/HEALING STAGE

Just before the healing process, there was the awkward stage, we stopped talking for a while, I would sometimes catch her staring at me. This continued for a while.

Alas, it was the last day of school, I think this part deserves its article, it should have been an exciting day for me since I was to receive an award, but my Dad sort of ruined the day, the one that hurt the most was the fact he didn't give me the chance to say goodbye to her, no just her, my friends.

CONCLUSION

Love can hurt but the pain doesn't define you, it's all part of the growth process. I'm glad I experienced it, a lot of people don't get to say that about high school, that was my peak moment and the most interesting of my high school experience.

In case you're wondering, we are back to being good friends, and although I once had feelings for her it faded over time.

Who said you only love once?

Okay, this has got to be my longest article yet I'm glad I got the chance to share it and I hope someone out there reads this story and also relates to it.

All image sources from unsplash