This Chidinma sef, she will just be scolding me anyhow.
"Pearl, who will carry that plate for you?" Chidinma queried.
"Ohhh, hapum biko"(leave me alone) I screamed.
"Lemme go back to my sleep jhor, May will carry the plate for me" I thought(chaiii, laziness will not comman kill me ni).
I moved in with Archie and everything was going on well, he did a good job caring for me and everything was normal. Then he started making advances(not that it's new oo, we've sha kissed once or twice but I wasn't ready for the other one, don't ask me stupid question oo). The trouble was that he wanted to subscribe to a channel he didn't pay for(who does that?).
We had times where I had to lash out on him and walk out of the house(how long was I supposed to do this) till his blood pressure returned back to normal(you know na, agaracha must come back)
"Archie, pull yourself together, remember you promised to be a gentleman ooo" I'll address him sometimes (when his head sparked).
"I be firewood?" He'll fire back at me "you're talking as if you don't know that I like you a lot ehhh?,and I want to marry you"(marry fire).
"I'll take care of you, just give me a chance "he'll say pleadingly.
"Give you a chance to do what exactly Archie?" I'll reply.
"To make you feel like a baby na" he answers confidently.
('Baby ko, baby ni'. 'Must you treat me like a baby by seeing my pants?' I grumbled in my chest. 'Abi I cannot baf myself' I thought further. Oh I forgot, "Babies are disabled" mtchewww, I hissed loudly)
"What is it?" he inquired taking his attention off the hot pot of vegetable soup he was preparing (I forgot to tell you,He's a good cook. Don't look at me like that, I cannot be cooking when there is a guy in the house. 'ARGUE WITH YOUR BROKEN SCREEN')
"Nothing, I just need to think about it" I lied(mtchewww wahala dey oo).
"If you like think from now till tomorrow, man must chop" he mumbled aloud, loud enough for me to hear him(chaiii, this boy is not serious oo. Shey I be food you want to chop ni? I hissed)
"Na condition make crayfish bend "I whispered as I went out to get some air(for where, I dey wait make this soup ready).
I was able to 'play' a fool out of Archie for a little while, he played along cos he couldn't hurt me(he had small human feelings). But as it's said "he who fight and runs away, live to eat the Archie(achi) soup another day.
On this fateful day, he came back home extremely drunk(sure he did it on purpose to execute his plans) locking the door behind him and keeping the key beyond my arms reach (shey when God was sharing height, I went to eat noodles).
"Take off your clothes "he commanded
"What are you trying to do Archie?" I demanded
"Please I don't want to fight you"I cried(this time sincerely.
"Fight me?, you that cannot even fight me"he mocked.
That was it, Archie was twice my size and I couldn't do anything about it...I decided to keep calm and save myself the pain( shey that's what phlegms do).
And it happened(he eventually ate that food that has been hungering him),I was helpless(me wey no even get strength sef),Archie got what he wanted on a platter of gold.
I cried, confused, broken, defeated and crushed. I stormed out of the house that night, halfway into the darkness, I stopped and thought, "where am I going to? "I asked myself.
It's not as if I was totally mad, I knew it was going to happen anyway (don't judge me, He's a guy , what was I expecting?), just that I didn't expect it so soon.
Hmm, 'i just have to go back' I consoled myself. At this point I cared less about what would be happening next, I braced myself ready for the rough ride I had decided to painfully take(yes, it was painful).
I got back to the house and slept in Archie's cuddle that night(if you look at me I'll chook your eye,you thought I was joking ba).
When he woke up that morning he demanded for 'breakfast' and I gave him willingly(life goes on, no stress, they you were there when he reminded me that I cannot beat him?). "After all I owe him a lot" I thought foolishly(abi no be so?)
I felt sore and terrible but I kept it to myself.
Later that evening, he called his baby sister, Janet(who was tiny but looked like a 'runs' babe),to come stay with me and probably cheer me up as he was leaving for the village the next day..
I can clearly remember the sound of her voice as she said "HI, my name is Janet" and you are?
"Pearl" I replied
"Nice name"she teased, "My bro said you needed company, can we be friends?" She asked nicely.
(God of Elijah, who send Archie message..my heart suggested)
"Yea,sure we can" I found myself saying.
Guess what!?, she was way more than I expected...
"Pearl,Pearl" CHIDINMA called twice shaking me in her usual manner(why does she have to be the one to wake me up all the time)
"Your phone's been ringing and its Hossie calling" she said calmly(which was unusual cos she always screamed).
('Ohhhhhhh...i complained in my heart ignoring her kindness)
"Oh really" my mouth gave out.
"Let me just have my bath,we have a date tonight" and please tell the girls I won't be coming back(referring to Nonso,Goodness and May who were nowhere to be found).
"This date wey you dey go everyday and you no dey carry anything come,we no even SABI the guy sef" she said.
"Chidinma, I don't have strength to talk Niko" I said defenselessly. "That food still remain?" I asked.(trying to break free from the pants of sleep that held me bound)
"Ehhhhnnnn,don't even talk about that food oooo, shey you know that 'the lion and the Lamb'(as Many was kindly called due to her meek and defensive traits) is not around?" She shot at me. "Shey that food still remain?" She asked sarcastically mimicking me.
"Please na Chidinma" I begged.
"Pearl biko hapum ooo"(leave me alone o), she laughed.
"Go and meet your Hossie"she commented. "Or I'll break your kidney before May gets back"...she added walking out of the room.
"Don't worry, Janet is coming today, you will now know that you're not a baby"she added.
"See who want to break kidney" I said as I laughed aloud causing the sleep to vanish completely. 'Ignorant law student' i thought aloud still laughing as I stood up to take a shower.
"Wait ooo.....did I hear Janet?" I thought whilst under the shower.
'Mtchewww' I hissed when I visulised her....(how tiny and helpless she looks when I taunt her)
'Janet is not a hard nut to crack, after all I could break her into a million shreds and pound her into shawarma sauce without stress' i thought as I laughed louder..
Today Hossie go hear am, make I reach there fes and food no dey......
