It began from temperament
I spoke less and stayed alone.
I was classified melancholic;
A slow stream, that yet runs;
A green snake under green cover.
I nursed every ill spoken word,
I thought on them until I bled.
Once or twice I voiced how I felt,
But I was mocked, so my wounds enlarged,
And my voice sank, I swore "never again".
I was scared of what they will say,
I felt incomplete all the way,
I wonder if I had any good in me,
Such that a soul can see.
I buried my esteem, for there was no need to keep.
I knew no home, no peace, no hugs.
I was so hungry for love, and had strong urge for care.
I searched for them in smokes, bottles and fantasy.
I searched for attention; a feeling of importance.
I found it in indecent dresses and the lies I was told.
I plunged into the abyss of depression,
I found an essence in prostitution and drugs,
And while I felt worst afterwards,
I sort for a place, where pain doesn't exist.
And the voices suggested to me "death".
They told to me a tale of death;
As a place oozing with bliss.
I was told my kind will rule cities,
And have a lot of friends.
I kept smiling alone,
Like a damsel newly in love.
This day, I was told I was expected,
That celebrations of my arrival had begun.
suggestions came on how to proceed,
I was encouraged to be brave.
I wept for I knew I was doomed,
The voices were insistent,
I was warding like an addict.
All I wanted was a bit of love,
Maybe to be heard.
I never knew I had an option,
I was never told of the love of Jesus.
So death became worst than living,
For the very devil I feared,
Is now my landlord!
