Today is a little bit unlike the days I've traversed earth. The air feels weird and dry, you probably might have noticed it too.
I tried pulling my favorite smile on, was betrayed by the very companion I swore could never betray. Today wasn't a day to put it on.
I tried lying to me, it will pass away, at least, it's one of those motivational speeches you get, it's a plaque that has lingered longer than it promised. My life is hanging by a balance, and it doesn't favor me.
Me and pride made a pact, I don't need your help, I'm fine, will be fine. Right inside I'm decaying as I take every breath. The defeat of not being good enough. The weight of my own life, crashing in on me.
What more could I do to help me out of this well. I hate the guilt that haunts. I hate to be reminded I was once wrong. I hate it above all, that my mind keep reminding me, I'm not going to be good enough.
My stretch of dream is usually me standing over against my cadaver. I've caught myself again and again within her corridors. Thinking his thoughts with so much ease. I've got voices saying, you can be free. You can end this.
I hope someone gets to find this piece and mail it to God.. just tell him I tried holding on tight, tried believing in what is right. I tried believing a little bit more. But the more I tried, the shades became more darker.
I tried a little prayer, whispers drove me out of his face. I tried not giving up, I tried. It's a shame I couldn't pick up his word to read, I was too focused thinking how to help me out. I tried.
Finally, tell him, I need a chance to start all over again. Peradventure in a new land coz I tried here..
I REALLY TRIED.
