If the past four days have taught me anything, it's primarily how much I abhor doing software development, how incapable I am of doing it to an acceptable standard (mine) while an impossible deadline looms and how adverse an affect it has on my mental and physical health.
I haven't had a good night's sleep in that time, what with my brain being drenched in anxiety and stress, unable to slow down or shut off long enough to rest. No doubt, my bloodstream has been saturated with adrenaline and cortisol. I've also been sitting for extended periods instead of moving about; the daily figures on my pedometer are abysmal. My jaw, knees, neck and shoulders ache. I'm not so much walking about as limping as I go about my day and night. Just getting into the shower this evening was a painful ordeal until the heat of the water hit my muscles and soaked into me. (It's the first time I've felt clean and invigorated since I started my doomed project.) I'm too old for this sh|t, for living my life like this, wanting to die with every passing minute I sit at my desk and tap keys in a frenzy.
Honestly, I'd rather sit and pull my hair out strand by strand than have to force myself to sit and write code; I find it less uncomfortable. I'll take physical torture over mental torture any day.
On that bombshell, I'm out to (hopefully) catch up on my sleep, because I'm not going to be good for anything else for the rest of the night.
Lead image: Photo by RODNAE Productions from/on Pexels