Just to be clear, this is a joke post, for the LoLs. I'm not scrounging for tips (although, if you want to give them, I'll be grateful).
I recently departed this website due to this site being dangerously unsafe and violating my human rights by not being nice to me (tipping me for my writing efforts) and many other such atrocities, but unfortunately today sees me doing poorly and I must... reach... out... (with my grubby little hand, of course).
As you may not know (since I am relatively new here), I suffer from a variety of completely crippling and impossible-to-deal-with medical conditions which are utterly and totally vague and self-diagnosed, but also very real and life-threatening. These issues come and go (mostly going when I'd like to do something enjoyable, then immediately surging when I don't want to do something or people disagree with me).
For example, drama gives me a case of what scientists refer to as "brain madness" or "hypotoxiamadeupia". (I'd like to point out that it's not on me to stop seeking out drama and do my best to avoid it; it's on all of you to agree with me so as not to aggravate my condition; please don't be ablelist!) Disagreeing with me causes severe frog hops, walking pneumonia and the boogie woogie flu. In extreme cases, disagreeing with me causes the separation of your head and spine from the rest of your body. Who'd want that?
As a person with absolutely no experience in the medical field (other than having medical professionals for parents), I've diagnosed myself with a very specific series of brain difficulties and can explain to you exactly how they work but I don't ever visit the doctor for them. I do, however, read copious amounts of WebMD and have read every article but the one on Munchausen's syndrome, and I'm completely convinced that these are my issues.
There is, however, no name for this condition of which I completely understand the mechanics, and we also need to do a diagnosis, but for the record I know what it is and how it works very specifically. I also have approximately a baker's dozen other physical and mental conditions where you'd think, "if that person had that many life threatening/changing difficulties, they surely would be at a doctor regularly, especially since they say they have medical aid (which I didn't, because I don't); it wouldn't seem possible to leave that untreated". But again, even considering that is ablest and not being a good ally... nay accomplice and enabler. It's just terrible bad luck, or genetics, or a severe lack of desire to work at a minimum-wage menial job. One of the three (or maybe all of them). I don't know, exactly, but I do know that Capitalism sucks if you can't get fools to part with their fiat.
We know what I have (8 things) and we know there is a cure. The cure, unfortunately, is 1 BCH.
Doctors suggest a pool of several thousand satoshis, and preferably a PS5 with a good assortment of games and puzzle-solving titles would provide me the spoons I need to deal with my non-specific, trendy illnesses that seem to only stop me from doing the things I don't want to (like holding down a full-time job).
And you, site I left a few days ago forever calling it a "shrieking hellscape full of subhuman automatons and leeches who are stalking me and literally murdering me" could gift me that BCH. Plus, I definitely can't come back unless I have a BCH get my condition in order.
You (and more specifically the money you earned engaging in gainful employment) could be the hero I need to take it easy and post random entertaining nonsense on noise.cash all day (which is a form of self care, you guys).
We can fight this together. We can all do our part. You send me the BCH and I'll HODL it. Deal?
Image copyright Shutterstock via Capital.com