Maybe it's stupid to think I can love someone I've never met in the flesh, with whom I've only had online exchanges, in forums and private messages. At any rate, I'm infatuated with a gorgeous, raven-haired and forthright wild beauty who scares me just a little bit. I'm fairly certain she knows I want her quite badly (because I'm as subtle as a steam-roller). I'm sensible enough to know that, at this stage of my life, I can't have her (or anyone like her, if there is someone). It's not just the fact that she lives half the world away and I can barely afford to travel fifteen minutes each way to work and back. She has a partner, so there's no sense in me letting on; no good will come of it. Why waste my words?
I don't think she knows exactly how I feel about her. I think she's awesome and and amazing, what I'd give to spend time with her, if I had anything to give in the first place. I don't care that she's battered, battle-scarred, bruised and damaged from the vicissitudes of her days on this Earth. So am I, perhaps more so. Hell, I'm no stranger to depression, nor how it puts a strain on people and relationships. Having had prior experience with just how destructive it can be, I know full that such relationships don't last long when either (or both) partners succumb, but then nothing lasts forever and everything put together falls apart. I know now that going forward, I'll lose everything in the end. Still, I might as well enjoy such time as I have, even if I can't make anything of it.
I'm not really sure where I'm going with this, other than to get down the thoughts that are in my head. I haven't written anything much for a few days to weeks, so it feels good to put out words again. Whatever; someone currently inspires me to work hard and earn some decent money, so that I can afford to get myself back into a good place and fund Project Babylon (my pie in the sky project to be rich enough that I can go anywhere, see anyone at any time and have some fun, can enjoy the finer things in life). That's the idea, anyway, but it's a long way off (assuming I ever get there). Having awoken from a much-needed four-hour nap, I feel replenished and ready to do some serious work. I'd best get to it.
Lead image: Photo by RODNAE Productions from/on Pexels