The below is a letter I penned (but am unlikely to ever send, because it's probably not appropriate) to a friend of mine on whom I've got a major crush and desire like crazy.
I'm sure every red-blooded hetero and bi guy (and probably some of the women, too) on the antisocial media site on which I encountered you, saw your pictures, feels the same way about you as I do and has been compelled to tell you as much. I'm pretty sure they have done so (some in less eloquent or polite terms), judging by some of your responses that I've seen. Here's the thing, though: Although I do admit that your acid tongue and forthrightness, combined with desirability high enough to melt anybody willing to get close to you, intimidates me, it also excites/thrills me and I am willing to take the the risk if only I could, oh dangerous beauty.
I know you're no angel, have your own past traumas, dramas and issues with which you struggle, but I am not bothered by that as much as I am bothered by my own and how they have made relationships difficult for me in the past (especially when coupled with someone else's). However, if I could only get close to you, I'm more than willing to try work through them if I can have the privilege of calling you mine, which I probably never will. The truth is that, despite the pitfalls, I still want you, badly, with all your darkness (both emotional and physical). The unlikely fulfilment of that dream, that hope, to one day hold you in my arms, bury my hands and face in your silken hair, to be your man, your safe house against the world (to the extent that I can) is part of my motivation to overcome my current circumstances.
I want you to know this, want to know that you'll say you'll be mine, in all your black leather, lace and lingerie, from the tips of your toes to the roots of your tempting tresses, scars and all. You drive me wild, fill me with the most carnal and primal desire and I want you to know this, to have the same effect on you. Yet, you seem cold and distant lately, tired and wrapped up in some unpleasantness in your own world. I'm worried that I cannot reach you and pull you out. The spark between us seems to have gone out and I do not know if I will be able to rekindle it.
What troubles you, Darling? Please let me in. I will try to be there for you, rather than wreak havoc and lay waste to everything, like I somehow always do.
Yes, I want to explore every inch (and I mean every inch) of your exquisite body, to do things to/with you that are definitely illegal in some parts of the world. However, that is not all I want. I also want to plumb the depths of your mind, heart and soul. I'm not afraid of what monsters I may find there.
"I've got things that I must tell you
That I don't know how to say.
"The man behind these empty words
Is crying out in shame,
Holding on to this sinking ship
When nothing else remains.
"All I want is everything.
Am I asking too much?
All I want is everything,
Like the feel of your touch,
But all I have are yesterdays;
Tomorrow never comes."
— Def Leppard; All I Want is Everything (1996)
Do I ask too much of you, Lioness? I do, don't I? I know I do. Being well aware of cold and hard reality, I will probably never get the opportunity I want, so I won't ask in person, since I can't. Not yet, anyway; it wouldn't be right to ask you to keep yourself for me and wait for an unlikely day when we might meet face to face. That I most likely cannot have you only serves to make me want you more, not less. Still, I hope our day will come. If all was equal, if distance and finances weren't obstacles for me, I would get myself to your part of the world with all haste, to ask you out. Answer me truthfully, mon cherié, would you answer "yes"?
If I were to send you this, I'd probably cross a line and soon know the consequences of my transgressions soon enough, but all this I have written, feeling compelled my thoughts to confess.
Lead image: Photo by Pixabay from/on Pexels