Our life in this world is temporary. We only borrowed this eternal life from our Almighty. However, others may seem so lucky and fine living in this perfect world. And yet, there are some who's unlucky and sad, pretending to wear happy smile on their face but inside they are screaming out of anger.
I was a product of a broken family. My parents separated when I was still in my mother's womb. They separated because my father wasn't ready to become a parent yet. Years gone by and my mother gave birth to me. I was born strong and healthy. My father was then curious about me including his family, so they decided to go and see me in my mother's home. My father decided to take all the responsibilities in me. He send me to a nice and cozy school and he gives me everything I wanted.
On the other side, my mother was not their for me when I was young. She was busy working because she was the bread winner of their family. I grew up in the presence of my grandparents. They mold me to be better, to be respectful, to have good manners, and to be good to everybody.
There comes the time my mother got married to another man. I was 5 years old during that time. They have 3 kids. My father as well was married to another woman when I was 10 years old, they also have 3 kids. And I was left alone, ignored, and left behind. That was the time I put anger to both my mother and father. They were so unfair to me. I can see them how they love their own family now.
I am so angry to the both of them. Whenever I asked something important to them, they always neglected me. Whenever I needed their help, they always rejected me. I feel like I don't belong and it breaks my heart so much! I feel like they don't like me because I am the sin they've made way back from those old days. I was swearing to myself not to be like them when I build a family of my own. I hated them so much!
There were times I cried because I felt useless. My mother would nag and scold me because I wasn't able to do the things she wanted, but when her child failed to do so, she never scolded them. She always hates me for being me, she doesn't appreciate all the goid things I've done, and yet she never fails to appreciate all my bad side.
My father as well has changed his way of treating me. Before when he wasn't married yet, he always give all the attention and all his love to me. But when he have his own family already, I was always left behind. He was so under control by his wife. His wife is so cold hearted. She doesn't want that my father would give me things that he wanted to give me, even my father's attention was resented.
I really don't know what was my play in this unfair world. Sometimes I asked myself "Why am I born like this?" Myself just then responds a tear down my face. I really pity myself, I do.
But then God made me to be like this. I cannot blame Him for all the thing's I've been through because I know He has his reasons and purpose. I always scream my anger to myself crying during night time. Crying helps me ease the pain.
To this world who is so unfair to me, I love you! Thank you for all the pain, it made me more stronger! 🤗 Fighting!