To the People I Owe

Life knocked me up a hundreds if not a thousand times. I have learned my lessons the hard way but I still choose to get back up.

On those darkest moments I had some people who left me but truth be told, God will find a way. There were times when I had to lend money just to survive and live paycheck to paychecks. It was never easy.

I remembered crying while walking on the side of the street because I just do not know where to get some money to buy food for dinner. I used to chat or text just anyone I know so to survive for a meal. Then when payday comes I would only have 500 or nothing to survive for the next payday. Plus, I am not just worrying about my allowance but everything like electric bill, my brothers tuition fee and allowance, my other brother and sisters allowance plus projects so as the daily needs for food consumption. Then here comes my children's needs like diapers and milk.

How can a freaking 500 survive for everything?

So there was a time when I had to beg and asked anyone I see online in Facebook just to survive. Imagine doing that almost every single day. I feel like I already have such a thick face but as a mom, a daughter and a sister I feel the need to do everything to make sure we survive. It was very emotionally, mentally and physically draining!

With all these I had people I owe my life. I promised to pay them but I was not able to fulfill the date but really, I have always been thinking every single day how can I repay them even when it took years already I never forget.

The shame grew within me until I got no guts to update. Because I really wanted to pay back but still got no means to do so.

So here's to the people I owe,

First of all thank you for the trust. Thank you for being such a blessing to I thought God have already turned his back to me. Thank you for being the light during those darkest times. I would be very honest, I have done my best to save so I can pay you back but I have gone through a lot for the past years. Things I have never ever posted or informed anyone. I would like to sincerely asked for forgiveness. I know I can never regain the trust but I want to ask for forgiveness.

Know that I have been working my ass off to get extra so I can payback. I am praying and hoping though that you will be more blessed.

Again, my heartfelt gratitude. Thank you so much!

I am doing my best to save and save so I can repay the people I have to repay even one at a time but surely it may take awhile. It is just such a shame on my part but I am sorry. Really, I do not know how else can I do but know that I will be forever grateful.

To those people who just started or about to start with their career what I can advise is SAVE and look for INVESTMENT. Do not be like me. Also make sure not to give it all. Only live within your means. As for me, I had to do everything to survive because I had so much ambition for my siblings but then I realized that I only have one life and I do not deserve to just live in order to pay bills, but my goal since 2020 is to repay all my debts but a lot has happened from Pandemic to Typhoon. Everything messed up my plans and everytime I try to get back up I always encounter issues that would need me to spend every penny I have.

P.S. Di po lahat nang may utang tumatakbo meron pong mga tao na alam naman na meron silang obligasyon but just the situation does not permit them to pay. God knows how I prayed hard. Goal ko is to be debt free pero nung kasagsagan ng Odette wala eh back to zero lahat ng plano ko. Ang sakit sa dibdib and nakakahiya magpost na blessed ka sa kahit gaano kaliit na bagay kasi may pinakakautangan ka and nahihiya kang ma judge. Hindi lahat nang may utang binabalewala yun yung iba nahihiya nalang na magsabi kasi wala pa talagang ipambabayad. Noun boung sweldo ko para sa utang lang. Tapos uutang na naman para makabayad. Dala-dala ko araw-araw ang panghihinayang at takot. Panghihinayang dahil alam ko sira na ako sa taong nagtiwala sakin at takot na baka magalit sila. Yung gusto mo naman magbayad pero san ka na naman ng pag gatas ng anak? Ng pang araw-araw sa 2 pamilya na binubuhay mo na alam mo kulang pa nga.