Running out of Money is Scary but there is Something Scarier

Yesterday I posted that my partner is sick and I have to get off mobile phone for quite sometime to focus on him. His temperature is just way too high and I was overthinking again.

Plus after a couple of hours monitoring and taking medicine it did not do any good. His temperature became worst.

I was shaking already when I tried to capture this and I was planning to send it to his mom. I would be very honest for how many years we have been together my partner did not get sick that went to this point. Usually if he gets sick before it would just be gone after 2 days and it never went this high. I also got used to the feeling that I am the sickly and he is the one taking care of me. Makes me very rattled that I had to call my mom and ask what needs to be done?

I don't know I pretty lost my common sense that I was never able to sleep.

Tried watching Netflix series just really to calm myself because I might break down. It helped a little but I cannot keep myself from getting up and checking my partners temperature every now and then so as wipe him with wet towel with the hope that it would help.

Earlier today, he felt better. There is still a fever but not that high and then there was a time when he was sweating already. It literally made me cry hard.

You see, before he got a fever we were talking about a certain colleague whose husband died, it made me felt scared with the thought. So far she is not responding to people asking through her facebook post what happened and what could be the cause.

Made me realize, all my life I always fear the thought of not seeing any penny on my wallet especially when I had my first born followed by the second. It made me realize I need to do a lot of side hustle!

I can never deny the fact though that I am also anxious whenever I think about death but I see to it that I divert my attention because it is uncontrollable.

But then, instead of getting scared when I ran out of money, thinking that I may ran out of time in this world is scarier.

We can always look for ways in order to gain money but never when we ran out of time. I wish we have some clock to know how much time we have so we could make the most out of it.

How will my daughters survive without me?

When I got sick before after giving birth to my first child which I thought I could never survive I asked God to give me more time because I was not ready. I guess I can never be ready but more often whenever I pray I ask God to get back my borrowed life when my kids already have a family of their own and a partner to take good care of them.

I do not know what life would lead me or them but I would always instill to them the values that my mom instilled to me as I grew up. One of which is the fear of KARMA. So they would learn on how to control their selves and not do something against anyone.

...end thoughts...

Apologies for such a dramatic article but I would like to release what I feel through writing because I do not want to just keep on crying. I am such a weakling, a cry baby yeah, yeah but I have already accepted this and I am being me. Thank you always for those who keeps on dropping by.

I would also like to take this opportunity to thank my sponsors who never get tired of supporting me:

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Note: Images are from Unsplash. While others are my own.