It's been awhile...

Hello friends!

It has been quite sometime since I last written anything here. While I am online once or twice a week to check on you guys there were also a lot of things that happened to me in just the first month of 2023!

At times, we can never really expect things to go our way but one thing is for sure, God will never give us a problem that we cannot resolve. So I continue to strive with a faith that someday I will look back on what I am going through right now and smile because I made it!

Let me share to you a little update.

Last January 5, I found out that I am pregnant!

Yes! I confirmed it through PT and of course because of those unusual feeling that only preggy woman would feel.

To be very honest, when I confirmed my pregnancy I was so in denial. I really could not believe that me and my partner after being careful for all these years not to conceive, we will now have another one.

Do not get me wrong.

As a Mom, a woman, having a baby is magical just that, for someone struggling financially it would not be wise to add another member of the family. And so, I cried and cried feeling helpless.

I would not know where can I get a budget to have myself check?

How will I prepare myself for another C-Section?

Is my body ready?

Will I be able to make it?

On the first few days of my pregnancy I was just depressed and my anxiety keeps on hitting me that would make me crawl to bed and lay down like a fetus to make me feel warm and secure emotionally.

I am afraid of what tomorrow might bring.

So I prayed and prayed for the feeling to be gone because I suddenly felt like the baby inside me is hurt with my reaction that up to now I am having a hard time to connect.

I felt lighter now that I was able to at least let my emotions out. I would just cry when I feel like I wanted to and let things flow on my head but the thought of really wanting to have myself checked and see if how is my baby is really something that I am aiming.

Having a check up alone is already expensive, what more if the doctor would request for an ultrasound and other laboratory tests?

I am thankful though that @bmjc98here motivated me to move forward and even shared some info about how is she earning.

I love that I get to still connect with my friends here despite the lost of earnings.

I am trying my best to learn new skills now but I am just trying to listen to my body first because it is my first trimester. If I am to calculate I am running 4 months pregnant and I started to have morning sickness and all those weird cravings. It is hard to cope especially that I always feel tired and sleepy.

...end thoughts...

Despite of what I initially feel, I know I am blessed. God trusted me another angel and to be honest, if only I did not have any underlying issues like financial and fear of going through the operation, I am actually happy for having this child. I keep on wishing for the baby to be a boy since I already have 2 girls.

I only request for you guys to pray for me. I would not know how will I survive this but I am doing my best so I can.