Back to Zero

How would helping others mean to you?

Why do you help? Is that even necessary?

Ika nga, no man is an island. We need other people to survive but still there's a competition. So kahit kilala mo ang isang tao di pa rin yan guarantee na he or she will be always there for you but then when helping is part of your nature di ka mauubusan ng taong susuporta sayo.

I grew up in poverty. Everyday my parents do their best to provide our needs but just that what they were earning isn't enough to fed us especially that I my younger brother and youngest sister needed milk. We do not even buy diapers. I have not remembered my mom asked me to buy one either. Our bed would be smelly at times if either of my siblings would poop or pee on the bed but then life is like that to the extent that we have to sell our house just so we could pay for debts and continue life. From a wonderful house we stayed in a barong-barong. My mom's brother used it before as his barbershop at kahit na alam ni mama na ayaw sa kanya ng tito ko at ng asawa niya kinapalan nalang nya ang mukha niya to ask if we can stay in there.

Sira-sira ang bobong so whenever it rains at night di kami makatulog kasi lahat kami nababasa.

My father was a pedicab driver, freelance carpenter and sometimes namamasura para e benta sa junk shop. We were doing fine before he got sick. We had our own shells craft business. My mom was a pro with designing accessories made of shells but then life has it ups and downs.

Until my father died we never had any chance na umangat ulit. Di naman kami madamot. Naaalala ko pa nga na tinraydor pa si Papa nung trabahante kasi beninta yung shells namin sa iba tapos yung ginawa nyang finish product sa pinatrabaho ng client namin is a different shell that has low quality which made the client decline our product kasi pangit daw.

From then on, sunod-sunod na kamalasan na.

When Papa died mas lalong naging mahirap kasi pinalayas kami ng asawa ng tito namin. Kinuha pa bobong while we were asleep so we had to transfer to my grandma and grandpa's house na by that time parehong may sakit and dapat sana di naglalapit kami na mga bata pero we had to. May point pa na dahil my mom has to work kami yung hinahayaan ng relatives namin magbantay sa lolo at lola namin tapos pagka nasa school ako pagka uwi ko umiiyak yung mga kapatid kong 6 at 7 years old kasi nasusuka daw sila because they were asked to clean my grandmas poop. Kahit meron namang ibang anak na dapat sana gumawa.

But still okay lang. Kahit si mama di na alam ano uunahin. Pero she has to work para maipantustos sa pag-aaral ko. By that time tumutulong naman samin financially yung sister ni mama kahit kunti. Pero di nila maatim mag visit ng matagal kila lola kasi mabaho daw.

Fast forward, now that I have my own family I made sure na di kami matutulad nung dati na mangungutang sa tindahan bago makakain or maghingi sa relatives tapos aawayin pa kami ng mga asawa.

But then, ngayon nasa Riyadh si Ante ko di ko maintindihan buhay niya. Her daughter nabuntis tapos iniwan pa ng nakabuntis sa kanya then her live-in-partner nambabae at addict.

Nakakonekta yung tubig at kurente nila samin. Tapos ako ang need magbayad ng lahat since magpapadala siya every 3 months. I wanted to tell her my situation na di ko naman na kaya na maging x2 bayarin ko tapos mag aantay pa akong 3 months but then when she talked to me it seems like I do not have any will to say no. Tapos e re-recall pa niya ang mga nagawa at nabili niya samin noun.

Ang saya ng buhay ng pamilya nya dito kain at tulog lang tapos pa yung anak niya pagka walang gatas yung baby sa kanya pa nanghihingi kahit nagpadala na sya. Then nag aayaw pa sila nung anak at live-in partner. Halos dikit lang bahay namin. Kami pa nga naglilinis sa bahay pati CR minsan kasi wala talaga.

Si Ante ko pinagsasabihan pero di nakikinig. Wala syang naiipon. Bigay lang ng bigay tapos pagkanaubos sasabihin niya lang na ako daw muna bahala magpakain sa pamilya nya. When my mom told her not to bother me with her issues iiyakan nya lang si mama at magsasabi na di na niya alam sa'n sya pupunta. Nakakapagod din kasi pagka may advise ka sa kanya di naman nakikinig kaya minsan ayoko na makipag-usap.

Ngayon nagkaka utang na ako to just pay our water bill and ang sakit lang kasi di mo alam paano mapaparating sa kanya na di sya magagalit at di niya masasabi na tinatalikuran ko sya. I am fed up. I have been a breadwinner for quite sometime and I had the chance to be free but then now I am starting to crumble.

Nakakaiyak lang seeing this in my Wallet. Ubos na ang savings ko. Yung araw-araw ko pinagpaguran.

I felt down seeing how the amount I saved went back to zero and so I have to start all over again. I even reached the point na nag apply na ng scholar sa NFT game just to sustain the needs but then its gonna take time before I get my pay and my bills plus daily needs for food is uncontrollable.

Ang hirap no? Ang hirap pala pagkalumaki kang inaambagan lang at nakapagtapos ka dahil sa tulong ng iba kasi magiging kadena mo pala yun. Di ka pwede tumanggi kasi magiging madamot ka at pagtutulungan ka pa.

The only thing I am worried now is my Mom. She is been complaining that something seems to block her throat and when she is stress I noticed that the part on her threat would have like a boil. She said she has the same symptoms with my Aunt who was diagnose of Goiter and I don't know where to go get the funds to have her check. She is the only one that we have. Andami ko iniisip. Nalilito na ako.

...end thoughts...

That's why I lose my passion in writing daily and that is why I have been inactive for quite sometime. Wala akong gana makipag.interact and learn about cryptocurrency.

At times nasasabihan pa ako ng iba na madamot. Call center daw malaki daw pasahod pero di man lang makapagbigay. When they calculate your salary but never look at your expenses. Tapos masyado pa malaki expectation nila.

Apologies I had to rant. I do not know where to go and what to do. Hope BCH pumps up more.

Di ko na alam sasabihin ko sa partner ko. Kasi napapagod na din siya mag advise sakin na wag ko akuin lahat. Pero paano ba?