Away from Home

How do you define HOME?

A cozy place with lovely ceiling and chandelier plus a bed that makes you feel like you are in a cloud 9?

A place that you can always run back when you needed to be YOU?

A place you go to from work?

Now let me tell you my own definition of HOME...

My home is not something where I go to when I am done with my day from work,

My home is not defined by any materials built from hard work,

My home is not about the cozy place, the lovely patio and a garden full of flowers.

My home is where my heart belongs,

My home is not a WHAT but a WHO?

My Gasha and Gheia from GOD. Their names are derived from a vernacular term:

GHEIA from GIYA which means GUIDE my Eldest. I also got her name from the Goddes of Earth.

GASHA from GASA which means BLESSING my Youngest. While her 2nd name is from the Goddess of Discord.

They are my HOME. I am feeling better whenever I am near them.

STORY TIME:

My GUIDE has been a blessing in disguise well both of them but it is always hard during the first moments of my first born because I do not really know what to do. April 1, I found out that I was pregnant. I do not know what to feel. I was scared, happy and shock all at once.

But the best feeling is knowing that you have someone in your womb that you know you would cherish.

The moment that I saw my baby, I felt that my heart got totally detached from my body. From then on, I am not living for myself, I am not living for my family but my heart beats for her.

She came when I was so down and can't think of anything better other than just simply work > go home > work. It becam too repetitive. My partner by that time was living in his hometown so when he came to visit me I throw the pregnancy kit to his face (LOL) coz for a feeling that I cannot explain I easily get irritated seeing him.

Weird I know! But yeah, my eldest guided me back on track and really did push me to my limits. She was the sole reason why I started to work hard but things were never easy for us.

When she reached 3 months in my womb I started to feel morning sickness which I never thought possible. I vomit A LOT. I feel sleepy always and I do not want to get up because if I do I would end up vomitting again. It made feel weak.

With that being said, I started to lose my savings since I had to make sure my family wouldn't be hungry despite me being absent from work. I started to cause trouble because my teammates were suffering because of my attendance issue. They were unable to get any incentive because of me and worst I had to chat anyone, ask for money,ask for help because prenatal check ups and labtests were pretty expensive.

But, I nevere gave up because I can sense she is fighting. Despite eating unhealthy food because of poverty plus my partner just ended his contract to his company and they were not allowed to renew once contract ends just made everything worst.

So to cut it short, a month after I gave birth I had suffered from STRESS and OVER FATIGUE which caused me unable to stand and I had bleeding. I was scared I might die because the BLEEDING was no joke! I would have to use 5-9 ADULT DIAPERS per day. The doctor can't understand what is going on so my mom brought me to a QUACK DOCTOR and that is where I got healed. I dunno they just asked me to drink a water that has some roots in it. I had to do it DAILY and take it as my main water.

I learned a LOT from the first one but I never learned about taking contraceptives so I had my 2nd born my BLESSING.

Since I learned a lot from the first experience as early as I knew I was pregnant I then planned out everything. I made sure to save. The difference from my first pregnancy to the 2nd is I never experienced any morning sickness and I can just go anywhere like normal people do it is just that I have this instinct to secure my tummy.

My 2nd pregnancy and delivery went smoothly. Both my babies were delivered via C-Section and it has been a challenge healing from the major operation and it is from my second baby that somehow I was able to move forward with all the things I've been through.

Why did I wrote about them today? Because I feel sad. They are not with me right now and I don't feel at home. My work is already pressure and it is different when I could ge to see them playing or hugging me trying to get a kiss. I feel drain both emotionallg and physically. I wish tomorrows gonna come fast because even if I don't get to sleep after shift I'll travel and hug them tight to lessen this painful longing.

I am more comfortable seeing them near me than away but I got no choice. I'll share to you on my next article as to why but for now do not hesitate to leave a commnet please so I could get something to occupy me.

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