Anxiety Attack

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Written by

Glez

𝓦𝓻𝓲𝓽𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝓹𝓪𝓼𝓼𝓲𝓸𝓷 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝓪 𝓵𝓲𝓿𝓲𝓷𝓰.

2 years ago

In community: Just Write(e5e5)

Topics: Psychology, Social media, Nature, Earn, Self-Growth, ...

War, poverty, responsibilities and work, these are just some of those reasons why I am having this anxiety.

War

When war started between Ukraine and Russia I worried about my childrens future. You can say that this is not controllable but as a mom it is normal to think about how would my children live. The world is becoming more dangerous as time goes by and it is never safe to for our little one's.

Poverty

Despite how many years of working I still did not reach what I dream for myself much more for my family. I feel like there is always something missing when I work more than rest and I am afraid to test my body's limit because as a breadwinner I cannot afford to be idle much more be hospitalized.

Really, when it comes to financial the 90/10 principle won't work on me. I just cannot let a day pass without any resolution when my babys milk or diaper is out of stuck!

Responsibilities

The thing about being a mom is that even when you are about to go to sleep you still think of what needs to be done tomorrow. Even when you just want to sit your mind would wonder around what to prepare for lunch?

And even when you just want to buy something for a job well done you have to consider if the budget is enough?

Because when you are living paycheck to paycheck it would always be, is it worth it to buy this? Not because it makes you happy but you have to make sure that is something useful and important than your baby's milk.

You see, you have to consider a lot when you become a mom much more a breadwinner supporting 2 families.

Then there are loans that I have to face. Like GOD! When will all these come to an end?

Then my sister is about to go to College. I am not even sure if I can support. I cannot. I know I cannot do it anymore but no one seems to listen when I complain. I wanted to just stay away from debts just live simply and freely. I want to experience having all the money for food and allowance alone and not think about any loans. I want to just vanish sometimes because no ones listening. No ones noticing that I slowdown because I want to take a rest. No ones letting me take a rest because no one can afford to take my responsibilities off me just for me to breath.

But the big sister in me wants to give a great future for my siblings. What shall I do? How can I do it?

The Cross is heavy and I do not know if I can still carry it.

Work

I have this feeling that I want to just cry my heart out when I look at the clock and it tics an hour or two before my work schedule. I am not so sure if until when I can handle the pressure and all the problem thay piles up.

When you have to either work on graveyard or very late at night because of work and then grind in discord just to see if you get lucky and be noticed then be a scholar. My partner helps me out but his income isn't enough especially that he is only a scholar and got no stable job.

Now a days, it is also hard to get a job when other establishments are cutting heads because they can no longer support them. Pandemic and Typhoon caused this plus we have kids so someone should attend to them while I'm at work so we decided to do it this way.

But at the end of the day I know I have to still focus and I cannot afford to fail. I need to hustle because no one can do as much as I can. I just realized that if my immune system would be affected and I get sick then my problem will just piles up more and more.

So instead of thinking about a lot of things I cry my heart out when it is too heavy for me to carry I hug my angels.