A Plea to Adults of Today's Generation

Panganay

I am the eldest or panganay in Filipino term, of four siblings. In our culture, once you are a panganay it is been an unspoken rule and with high expectation that we are responsible to give a better future for the whole family.

With that being said, the burden of responsibilities that is supposed to be for our parents are passed to us. Moreover, when they get old and sick you are also expected to carry the responsibility of taking care of them, not just feeding them but really spending your time to bath them, cloth them and the likes. Other than these, it is also expected that you spend every penny you have without any remorse to buy them medicine and maybe pay the hospital needs, god forbid.

But yes, imagine that burden when you reach your 30, 40 and you still have parents to care plus your own family to look after. Imagine trying hard to bounce back with all the shits that is thrown to you and still look ways to help your family. Once you are the breadwinner, it is also expected that you become a role model. When you commit a mistake, expect that your relatives and family will mock you for being a brat or irresponsible.

Now, I have noticed that even when you are not the panganay or eldest other parents would make their children feel obligated to help them and take care of them when they should've planned their retirement and not just let their children suffer.

When I became a parent I realize that whatever happens to me in the future is not my child's responsibility nor burden but whatever happens to my child or children even when they have a family of their own would be a cross that I have to carry.

Children are like blank tape. You feed them deeds, memories they could learn from and that's going to be their guide growing up. We are so much responsible because in the first place they have not asked to be in this planet.

Let us not make our kids an investment or retirement plan.

A PLEA

So here's a plea to every ADULT of today's generation be it a parent, going to be parents, or those who are waiting for their love story to bloom please be responsible of planning your future. Shit happens yes, but do your best not to let your child suffer the responsibility that you guys should've carry. Plan things out and let those kids grow up not minding about your medicine, food or hospital bills.

As of today, you are raising somebody else's wife or husband so teach your kids to be responsible with their spendings. Let them know that there are limits and that they need to work hard for them to get whatever they need in life.

You may tell me I am such a bad daughter and that my parents are unfortunate to have me but it is actually the other way around.

I love my mom so much that it hurts to leave her even when I got a family of my own. I love her so much to just let her be in life. Just that, sometimes because I am too focus of the burden that I got I forget that I also have responsibility as a partner and a mom of my own family.

Images: Unsplash

...end thoughts...

The most painful part is when the panganay decides to stop the help and get judged of just being greedy when the truth is, nothing is left to be given away. We are tagged greedy when we say NO and we got no right to feel sick and tired as we will then be tagged LAZY.

The burden of being an eldest is like a curse. That is why, I care so much for my eldest daughter. I feel pain seeing her getting neglected because my youngest daughter is having tantrums. I feel bad of pushing her away because I have to focus first with the other one when she is also my baby.

Same pain I felt when I had my siblings. I got neglected but instead of feeling bad I understood. Even when there were a lot of do's and dont's. Like I am not allowed to go out to play because I have to look after my siblings, I am not allowed to go home late because I have to feed them, I am not allowed to lay down when I feel tired because I have chores to do. It is tiring and draining.

So if you are reading this, and you have the same struggle as mine know that I am proud of you. You are doing great!

Note: Texts and graphics are all mine not unless mentioned that otherwise.