How I really wanted to end this fucking life.
But everytime I held the blade and place it in my wrist I remember the people I will left behind.
I still wanted to see their smiles and heard their laughter.
I still wanted to be part of their life and witness their journey as they succeed, to be part of their mourning and proud moment.
Everytime I held the rope and ready to put it in my neck I remember my dreams.
I still wanted to achieve it and don't let it left forgotten.
I still wanted to know how it felt like to finally accomplished the goal I've been aiming the whole time.
I still wanted to feel that "alive" thingy when people achieve their wildest dreams.
Everytime I go in the rooftop of 35th storey building and ready to jump I remember what would be my future is.
I still wanted to walk down the aisle and saw my man waiting in front of the altar.
I still wanted to have a child and watch her grow into an independent and strong lady she is.
I still wanted to grow old with them together.
I always look forward to everything that's why I can't end my life.
Looking forward of what more this life has to offer aside from the heartaches, problems and stuffs.
I'm still looking forward.
Hi! Sorry about how you're going through right now. I've been in that situation too and I have found my way out through God's grace.
You might want to check my article about my depression. This might inspire you.
https://read.cash/@Jeaneth/the-story-behind-my-scar-coping-with-depression-d2147e7e