This weekend I found out I only have one year to live and I...

Do you know what it feels like to be a ticking bomb?

The countdown to my end started this weekend and I would be exploding in a year which looks like tomorrow.

It is better to just die naturally than to know that you are going to leave the world at a particular time even earlier than you expected, I wish they never told me so that I would just live normally until someday when I will just close my eyes and never to get them open again.

I have always thought nothing was going to take a day out of the 90 years I have always wished to stay in the world but it came as a shock, knowing that I have just one year left got me broken but not for long.

I don't know why it Is happening so quickly but I wish I could trade everything I have just to buy myself some time in this world, I can't stop thinking about my family, friends, my dreams, and everything I wanted to achieve but I understand that the world is a temporary place but just admitting that it is okay for me to be gone in a year is not cool and I can feel myself gradually fading away the moment the news was broken to me.

I thought about just ending my life myself but wouldn't that mean I admit defeat in life when I still have the chance to make things happen?

No one should know about it, not even my family because it's going to throw them in a bad state which could fasten my death, I will rather just live a normal life and make it look like I died a natural death.

Death can be scary but the life of Chadwick Boseman (black panther), Nightbirde, and many others have made me realize that life is not how long we have lived but how well we have lived.

A lot of questions kept running through my mind;

• What have the past years looked like for me?

• Have I made an impact on anyone?

• What will I be remembered for?

• Will I be missed?

• What would the afterlife look like for me judging by what the previous years have looked like for me?

While thinking about everything, I realized I didn't even think of what my stay here so far was meant for me.

• Have I been happy all these years?

The truth is yes, I am happy to some extent because I have been able to put smiles on lots of people's faces but when it comes to myself, I felt down because I have lots of things I haven't accomplished which makes me sad. There are times when I think about them and it usually ends in tears because I feel scared that I might not be able to do them all.

It is okay to be scared, big dreams attract fear especially when there is no one to support you in bringing them to reality.

This weekend I found out I only have one year to live and I made up my mind to make a fearless approach to my dreams and be happy as well.

For the remaining weeks left for me, I will be shooting hard shots at my fulfilling dreams because those things would count for me in my final minutes. Regardless of the pain that I wouldn't be with the people I love anymore, knowing that I lived a fulfilled life can be very comforting.

Being happy doesn't end with those dreams, I am definitely going to be spending lots of time with my family. I have a long list of fun activities I want to do, jumping from an airplane, skydiving, burying a possession of mine at the bottom of the sea, and other crazy things.

I have nothing to lose doing all that since these things will only be a memory of me left a year from now for the people I choose to share those happy moments with.

I will be gone but I want everything I have achieved, the happiness I have put in the lives of many to live forever.

This might be a fun article but it opened my mind to a lot of things while writing. A question kept popping up in my head, and it says, "why not now, why do you have to wait till the deadline before I become fearless toward achieving your dreams or making myself happy?

The truth is that I might not have everything required to live the fulfilled life I have always dreamt of but that doesn't mean I should stay idle about my dreams. Those little steps might make a difference but deep in my head, I wanted to try something big at a go.

No approach is too small at fulfilling your dream as long as that's all you are capable of doing at the moment, a dream will always be a dream as long as not even the smallest try is made to bring it to reality.

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