Nightmare (Part 1)

My life has not been easy at all, from bullying, abuse by my grandmother and death in childhood marked my personality and who I am. The various treatments and appointments for psychology did not work, only one thing did, the obsession with my work and career.

I am a journalist by profession and I have managed to make some merits, despite my young age I have sought at every opportunity, that the word becomes justice. I thought that would allow me to have a reason to forget the problems of the past, but as it has happened in every life, what we did not attend to in the past, comes back to haunt us later.

The death of a close person, someone very dear brought back the monster, everyone tells me that death is part of life, but it has been so difficult for me to accept it, I really can't believe it is true yet.

There are nights when I can't sleep, I lost my job, I can't concentrate, I just walk through memories of things that will no longer be. Loneliness has become part of my life, because I pushed everyone away, I no longer wanted to have anything to do with anyone.

The Solution

She, my mother, has been through every difficult moment, things in this place are not so easy, but she has fought. Despite the fact that suffering from a mental illness is a punishment in this country, she has found a way to help me with my condition.

A new generation of antidepressants, which were sent in a shipment of drugs offered by a government allied to that of "El Padre", would be the alternative to what the psychiatrist had prescribed and we cannot obtain.

I have been taking it religiously day by day, but it doesn't work... I can only feel dizzy, nauseous and have abdominal pain, I really can't stand it. Lately the nights have become my days, I can't sleep, I'm a night owl.

The beginning

I haven't been able to fall asleep for a few days, at first I used to be distracted by playing games and watching movies on TV, but it's not so much fun anymore, insomnia makes me nervous, at night the sweat runs down my forehead, my heart beats like a drum And I start to shake. During the day I sleep, but my sleep dynamics don't give me much time for meals.

My lack of appetite has become another problem, I have lost 5 Kg, I know it is not much, but considering my slim frame and that it has only been 5 days since I started trying this medicine, it is surprising “I am in the bones".

I've decided to get up, I want to go out and walk around the block, the streets are lonely... but it's been so long since I last left this room, I want to feel the air on my face again, lighten the load, my sadness and the physical discomfort I've been enduring because of these damn pills.

- "Hey, there's no one"

-              "Just me"

On the table a note, I pick it up, says the following:

- “I knew you would get out of bed, I'll wait for you at school, don't miss it. With love, mom”

It's rare for mom to leave a note, but not impossible, she did leave some instructions, even knowing my condition, maybe she would have seen some improvement and she considered getting up. But how? I have spent the last few days quite badly, mothers have a very special intuitive power.

It's pretty weird, it's 7:30 p.m., but there's no one in sight, the court, the parking lot, the entrance of the building, everything is closed. Each floor is so lonely, I have that old feeling, the same one I felt as a child when passing through here and feeling that air of abandonment and hostility resulting from the childhood fear of being alone.

The lights off, the cold, the silence, I can't even hear the noise of the televisions or computers in the houses of the families who should still be awake, at least someone else. I get to the ground floor, I go to the entrance of the building, I go out and I walk to the school.

As I expected, it feels lonely, but wait… The door is open, it's good news for me and the paranoia I was feeling entered. Once inside I begin to search, each one of the rooms is as lonely as the floors of the building, the apartments of my neighbors and the street in which I have just been.

 Inside… I try to go out, but surprise, the door through which I had previously entered is now blocked, I could try to jump the railing, but no, it is very high and above you can see electrified cables, it does not seem like a very smart idea. I entered the school to try to find another way out, I studied here many years ago, there must still be those secret places that one used to know to escape from some classes when things got boring, what good times those were, with my brother. He walked through the dark corridors, entered some classrooms to revive memories:

- "Wow! It really had been a long time since I walked around these parts” In the dark, when walking through the corridors, the cold that enters through the open structure of the school is almost humid and penetrates to the bone, the darkness and the cold are an unpleasant sensation, even more so for a person who is in the bones, after having lost a few kilos, I feel really horrible cold and only one question runs through my head

- “Where will mom be?

A sound breaks the silence, it's like a group of children's voices, laughing, shouting and fighting, but it's barely audible, it's like the recording taken from a school full of children playing, making memories. The sound can be heard louder in a specific room, I go there, I enter and... nothing. Leaving the room, in the corridor, a group of children. Are they really children? I manage to spot at least 6, but as I get closer, I can notice even more detail. They were humanoid figures, their scaly skin mottled gray and brown, without eyes, from a cavity in what seems to be their head sounds similar to a sly laugh come out, in the same way, together they manage to make that typical sound in schools full of children, but alone, alone it seems that they make fun of me.