"When you we're the first daughter in the family "

So being the first daughter in the family is for somehow hard. You stand as your younger siblings guardian as well, and the responsibility is quite heavy for somehow. Whenever they need help(parents and siblings), they run to you, and they rely on you to give help.

I love my family so much. I might nagged to my siblings. I might make mistakes, and I might got mad to them for sometime, but it's only because I care a lot.

When it comes to all the siblings that I have, I can say that I love our youngest the most. It's not that I have favouritism, it's just because I am attached to him that much.

When our mom was away for work, I was the one who took care of him. I was the one who brings him to sleep. Actually I was one's his favourite person before, since I am always with him all the time. But now, he can't live without our mother anymore, though his already a grown up man😊.

• He was actually the one who teaches me that being a young mom is hard , that's why I didn't had a long time relationship when I was still young 😅. I meet my partner online when I was already 28 and we live together in one roof when I was already 32😁.

So seeing my younger brother, having a hard time or being in pain is painful to me. I can't bear seeing him struggling and so whenever I heard that his in pain, I always get frustrated and worried.

Then this morning, my younger brother sent me a photo to my messenger. I got so surprised with the photo that he sent.

This is his right hand, and I'm sorry if it looks dirty as he was working in the construction site.

I feel so worried seeing this, and so I immediately asked him what happen to him. But he can't type a word, he just keep on seeing my message so I just recharge my sim card and call him.

• When he accepts the call, he said he can't type any message because his hand is very painful, that is why he just keep on seeing my message. He even give the phone to our mom as he felt tired holding it.

My mom said, his hand started to get sore last November 08 while he was at his work. According to my brother it wasn't yet painful, but as the day's goes by, it's started to get pain. My mom thought something just poke his hand, and so she tried to check it but she didn't found any. Then yesterday our older brother bring him to the faith healer as they believe that he got punished by the Encanto that is why his hand sore.

• I got so annoyed with them, I swear. They are so unbelievable. For me, one of the reason why the condition of the person got worsened because instead of bringing the person to the doctor they will rely to the power of faith healer's 🤦. It's not that I don't respect with that belief, but hello?? Where already at the new era? We're already at the new generation. The world had already evolved, and so we shouldn't just rely with the belief and power power etc. Goodness.

So I told my mom to bring him to the hospital so the doctor can check on him. I was worried that his condition got worsened and it's a big problem for sure, but then my mom said she don't have money 🤦.

Oh God! My stress arise as I also don't have money 😅. I have money but it's for our house. My goodness.

Eventually, before I ended the call, I told our mother to bring him to the clinic and I will send them money. 😪 I can't stand to imagine that my brother is in pain and so I used the money that I have for our house. Suppose I will be going to send an advance payment this time, but I have to help my brother. I will just work hard here and in noiseapp, so before the due date came next month, I already have enough fund.

Moreover, right after I finish talking to my mom, I call my sister-in-law on her phone. I informed her that I will be going to send money to her G-cash account and asked her a favour to bring the money to our mom, for my brothers check up and luckily she agreed.

• I send her ₱1,250 pesos ($21.5) so she can also buy some snacks for her children's, which are my nephew's and niece. It's my way of saying thank you to her as well, as I disturb her. They live separately, and she was also busy taking care of her children's at school yet she still needs to travel to give the money to my mom so I have to give her a little gratuity😁.

  Tell you, I don't have extra money, but I know how to be grateful with the little help so I give.

Honestly, the feeling is really hard if you cannot send any help to your family. Most specially if you used to help them before. I wanted to get back to work, but no one will look for my son, and so I have no choice. I can't tell my partner about my personal problems because he already have so maybe problems, and I can't add more so I am facing it all alone.

It's really stressful but yeah, I should remain grateful.

This is all for today and thank you for reading.

All photos are mine, or else stated otherwise.

Lead image was from Unsplash.com