The Litmus Test of Friendships

Last week, when I was in a class. The lecturer digressed as she often does. She always says that the result we’d be getting is in character and learning. So she likes to teach us character. This faithful day, she was talking about lending out money to friends, and how it is the litmus test in friendships and relationships.

She categorically said that she never lends money out to close friends expecting them to pay back, but instead, she gives them the amount she feels she can afford to give out. She had said this because she feels when friends borrow money from you, there is a high tendency they don’t pay back, and an even higher tendency that you won’t ask them for it when they default. Ergo, the relationship could go sour. This sparked thoughts in my head, as I could relate to the premise of her argument.

Brings to mind a time I lent a close friend some money about 5 years ago. At that time, I had not gained admission into the university and was working. I earned an average of $90 monthly and worked for 40 hours a week.

This friend of mine was a part-time student in the polytechnic, and he was working as a primary school teacher at that time an also as a private tutor for children as he was responsible for his tuition fees. While working on weekdays, he goes to school on weekends (Saturday and Sunday).  Well, it’s no news that teachers don’t earn much.

The day he came to our house to see me, he mentioned he had come before, and I wasn’t at home. He said he needed me to borrow him some money, I asked how much and he said about forty thousand naira which is about $40. He had told me he needed the money to pay for school charges and that if he didn’t pay, he would not be allowed to write exams which were starting the following week.

I immediately told him that I’ll give him the money he wanted, but he’ll have to tell me when he will pay me back, so I know how to plan my budget. He said he would pay me by the end of the following month latest. I went to the ATM to withdraw the money from my bank account and gave it to him.

The time he promised to pay came and passed, so I decided to ask him why he had defaulted. I remember him saying that he had emergencies to settle, and that he had not forgotten he owed me, and promised to pay as soon as he could. I said there is no problem, and he should pay back when he could. That was the last and only time I ever asked him about the money, and till this day, he still haven’t said anything about it.

Personally, I am uncomfortable asking people to pay their debt to me as I tend to feel embarrassed when people I owe ask me to pay up. This was what I thought about when the lecturer mentioned it. Although, I can’t say my relationship with my friend went sour, I can say there was a rift from my part as he had broken the trust I had in him by not paying back the money as he had promised.

I am the type of person who doesn’t like to break his word, as it is my bond. Hence, I expect people (especially close friends) to be true to their word when they give it to me.

I’d like to know your stance about the topic, so kindly leave a comment.

Thank you for reading.