See you in another life, my almost

[October 3,2021|Sunday] [10:02pm

I fell in love to my best friend.

I know it sounds so wrong, but it all happened out of my control and in an unexpected way.

Well, you just can't just teach your heart to whom it would beat and love for.

I always tried to control my emotions, but he gave me more reasons to fall for him even harder. The way he always checked if I'm done with my assignments, the way he cared for my grades and my future are really something that my heart could no longer take.

As we graduated in College until I became a Nurse and him as a licensed Mechanical Engineer, I still secretly admired and continued loving him from afar.

I want to confess, but I'm afraid of what would be the outcome of my confession. It might lead to a love story or another tragedy for us.

Kung wala rin namang kasiguraduhan ang lahat, mas mabuti pang itatago ko na lang ang lahat.

Ayokong masira ang pagsasama namin dahil lang sa lintek na nararamdaman ko!

"Ba't 'di ka pa nagkakajowa, pre?"

Bumalik ako sa reyalidad nang marinig ang pagtanong ng kaklase ko kay Migs.

We were having a batch reunion right now and there were empty bottles and cases of beer at the center table.

Before Migs answered the question, I caught him staring at me.

Bigla akong napalunok nang mariin at ramdam ko ang pagbilis ng tibok ng puso ko.

Damn this stupid heart!

"I don't rush things naman, pre. Kung may darating, edi mamahalin. Kung wala pa, edi tamang hintay na lang muna," he chuckled.

Damn you! Nandito naman ako! I've always been here for you, Migs!

"E, ikaw Claire, ba't 'di ka pa nagkakajowa? May hinihintay ka ba?" tanong ng isa kong kaklase.

That question caught me off guard.

"Uhmm..." I stuttered.

Everyone is now staring at me, waiting for me to answer the question.

Napayuko ako. I tried to open my mouth.

Almost said something.

Almost confessed my feelings.

Almost.

"I have no time for that, Rachel. Focus muna ako sa career ko," I lied as I tried my voice not to break in front of them.

"Mag-bestfriend nga talaga kayong dalawa," komento ng isa pa naming kaklase.

Tahimik ko lang na dinamdam sa sulok ang panghahapdi ng dibdib ko.

Damn, how many more months and years do I have to keep everything? How many more attempts do I have to waste before I say my true feelings?!

Ang hirap!

Nagsimulang mamuo ang mga luha sa sulok ng mga mata ko habang patuloy sa paninikip ang aking dibdib.

Agad akong nagpaalam sa kanila na pupunta lang ako ng comfort room at nang makarating ako sa cr ay doon na nagsibagsakan ang mga luhang kanina ko pa pinipigilan.

Isang oras din akong iyak nang iyak sa loob at nang mahimasmasan ako ay naabutan ko na lang si Migs na kahalikan ang isa kong kaklase, si Beatrice.

Since College, patay na patay na talaga ang babaeng 'to kay Migs.

My hands started shaking and my knees are badly buckling. Parang anytime ay matutumba ako.

Napatingin ako sa mga kaklase ko at hinayaan lang nilang maglaplapan ang dalawa.

Well, I couldn't blame them. They've been shipping these two since then. Siguro, plano na nila 'to. At isa pa, both of them are single, so there's nothing to worry about.

My vision started to blur, not because of the alcohol but because of tears.

Mas lalong bumigat ang paghinga ko habang nakikita si Migs na may kahalikang iba.

Hindi ko na kaya ang mga nasaksikan ko kaya dire-diretso kong kinuha ang bag ko atsaka umalis ng bar.

Narinig ko pa ang pagtanong ng kaklase ko kung saan ako pupunta pero hindi ko na siya pinansin.

All I want is to disappear out of this fucking place and out of Mig's sight!

Wala namang kami, but I felt so betrayed!

How could he do this to me!

How could he kiss another girl just like that?!

Nang makauwi ako ng bahay ay doon na ako napahikbi nang todo.

Iyak lamang ako ng iyak.

I thought it would be the worst scene of my life, but I was wrong.

Because four months after the incident, I found myself attending the wedding of Migs.

Nagbunga ang pagtatalik nilang dalawa sa bar and knowing Migs as a real man, pinagutan niya ang kaniyang mag-ina.

"C-Congrats..." My voice quivered.

"Claire..." The way Migs spoke my name gently, it sent thousands of sharpened knives straight to my chest.

"I love you..."

For the first time in years, I finally told those three precious words in front of him.

Tuluyan na akong napaluha. Maging si Migs ay umiiyak na rin.

"Fuck! You made me so hard to let you go, Claire! Bakit ngayon mo pa sinabi 'yan!" he exclaimed.

More tears sprung to his eyes and it pained my heart so much.

"That night, our classmates drugged me, Claire! They set up everything! No'ng nakita mo akong may kahalikang iba, sana pinigilan mo ako, pero alam mo 'yong masakit? Yun yung hinayaan mo lang akong maagaw ng iba," hikbi niya.

There, I bursted into tears.

"Ano ka ba, nangyari na ang nangyari—"

"BUT I WILL ALWAYS BE HAUNTED BY OUR ALMOST, CLAIRE!" he cut me off.

Mas lalo akong napaluha sa sinabi niya.

If only destiny waits us more longer...

"I'm sorry..." is all the words I managed to utter.

"Let's forget about the past, Migs. Palayain na natin ang isa't-isa," pagmamakaawa ko.

"No..." napailing siya. "If only you could see it from my point of view, you'd understand why it hurts so bad, Claire. Sobrang sakit nang nangyari sa atin and I will never forgive myself for not writing our own love story! I will always be haunted of my mistakes!" he roared.

Para na akong tanga sa kaiiyak.

"Shhhh," I pressed my thumb to his lips. "Tanggap ko na."

Mas lalo akong napaiyak.

"I've always been loving you secretly, Migs. And I think, I can do it again this time," I smiled weakly.

Patuloy pa rin sa pag-iiyak si Migs. Para siyang naliligaw na bata.

"Maybe, we are both stars but placed in different constellation, that's the reason why we are never meant to align," I whispered.

I hugged my man for one last moment and there, I cried on his shoulders.

Maybe, one of the most painful part is when you both have feelings for each other, but you also know you are better off as friends.

I've been loving him secretly and I think I can do it again.

Remember, you don't need to own a person to love them!

Before I could turn my back, Migs dropped his final words which made me so hard to let go.

"You are the sweetest pain I don't want to heal, Claire. See you in another life, my almost."

-Thank you for reading:)

[11:21 pm✨]

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