He's both a blessing and a lesson

[October 5,2021|Tuesday]

"They say, there are two kinds of people you will meet in this world— it's either a blessing or a lesson."

With tears in my eyes, I stared at my man who looked so manly and dashingly handsome while wearing a black tuxedo.

For five years of being in a relationship with Jay, I couldn't believe that we would reach up to this point where we are inside a church with me, wearing a white gown and him wearing a tuxedo.

My man is not perfect, he's just my Jay. Supportive. Loud. Giggly. Childish at times. Flawed. Ambitious. And Determined.

In my mind, he's always this fixture that was going to stay beside me until we were both saggy and grey.

I've known him since we were in College and I've already memorized every details about him starting from his favorite song, his favorite ice cream flavor, his favorite movie and tv shows down to his dog's name, his sibling's name and even his daily routines.

God, I've never been so sure and certain to a person, not until I met him.

Hindi ko na napigilan ang mapaluha sa mga naisip hanggang sa makabalik ako sa reyalidad.

My eyes transfixed to all the wedding guests and visitors and I could clearly see that they are anticipating with my next statement.

I then tightly held the microphone as I continued my speech.

"Yes, you can find either a blessing and a lesson in this world. But isn't it more heartwarming when you found someone who is both a blessing and a lesson at the same time? Lesson siya kasi marami kang natutunan sa sarili mo at sa relasiyon niyo. Nalalaman mo kung ano 'yong mali at mabuting gawin. In other words, nagiging better kayo. Blessing naman siya kasi marunong siyang mag-stay kahit ang dami mong pagkukulang na pwede niyang mahanap sa iba. 'Yong tipong tanggap ka kahit walang-wala ka. 'Yong tipong kaya kang ipaglaban. Sobrang sarap lang sa feeling 'pag merong gano'ng klaseng tao sa buhay mo."

My tears began to fall as I stared at my man.

Yeah, I'm pertaining to him.

He is both a blessing and a lesson to me.

I wiped those tears that fell from my eyes as I continued from speaking.

"Sobrang mapagmahal na tao si Jay kahit masiyadong pikunin at childish minsan. Daig pa nga ang babae kung magtampo," I chuckled.

That revelation earned some laughs from the audience. I even saw my man laughing awkwardly along with the people.

I smiled before I spoke.

"Madali rin siyang mairita. I could even remember how frustrated he was when he called me and the signal was too slow. Kaya ayon, sinugod niya ang PLDT. Only to find out, hindi pala sila nakabayad ng bill."

Humalakhak muli ang mga tao.

"But that's what makes Jay so special above everyone else. His naivety and stubborness are his greatest assets that made him so attractive and loveable."

I smiled at my man and he just gave me an awkward grin.

"Jay might be a carefree and a happy-go-lucky man, but he knows when to act as clown and serious. He would shift in a serious mode when he wears his Engineering attire. Really, he's completely different once he'd wear his Engineering outfit. He exudes power and maturity. Totally male."

Narinig ko ang palakpak ng mga tao at kita ko ang pagsilay ng ngiti sa labi ni Jay.

My speech was supposed to be happy and sweet, not until I reached at the ending part of my script.

"So, to the wife of Jay, please take care of him. Shower him love and make him feel that he's special for he loves that."

I stared at Kiara and let out a small smile.

"Congratulations on your wedding," I said as my closing statement of my speech.

Jay and I looked at each other. And that's when I knew we are finally letting each other go, we are finally accepting the fact that we love each other but we can't be together.

Because three years ago, Jay and I got lost. Maayos kaming nagsimula. Masaya. May hindi pagkakaunawaan, pero naayos naman kalaunan.

We were so sure of each other. At sa sobrang kampante namin, may mga oras na hindi na namin hinahanap ang isat-isa.

Hanggang sa tuluyan na kaming nawala at hindi na nahabol ang isa't-isa.

Jay successfully became Engineer while I became an Architect.

Natupad nga niya ang pangarap niya, nawala naman ako sa buhay niya.

We used to talk about our future together. And now, it's here but he wasn't.

He had finally lose grip on our relationship.

"Thank you for sharing your experience with our groom, Ma'am," sabi ng MC.

Nang makaupo ako sa upuan ay siyang pagbagsak ng aking mga luha. Ang bigat na ng dibdib ko dahil sa sobrang sakit.

I think this is the saddest part of having an ex whom you deeply love— It's when you still have this left over information about them.

You know their favorites, dislikes, fears, their family members' name and birthdays and also their daily routines.

You learned all these details about them and now, they are completely gone.

Sana pala, hindi ko na lang hinayaan ang sarili kong magsalita sa kasal nila.

Yes, my speech wasn't about us and how we deeply love each other— It's about Jay, how he fell for me and how he fell out of love at the end.

It sucks, right? That the man you treated as blessing and the man who gave you so much lessons turned out to be someone else's future.

And now, he became one of my memories.

Sobrang sakit.

He gave me the ring but he gave her the vow— a promise of forever that I will never possess and a lifetime with him that I will never have.

—Thanks for reading

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