I always make it clear to them that I am no one to tell them what they should or should not do, and that the only thing I can do is to ask them a series of questions to help them make a decision for themselves.
As I have the impression that many young people today feel lost, blocked and not knowing what to do, in this post I would like to share with them the thoughts, beliefs and exercises that helped me at the time.
1. Relax
You look around you and see that everyone is perfectly clear about what they want and where they are going. Everyone... except you, of course. So you come to the conclusion that the problem must be yours, that you were born defective, and that makes you feel very, very bad.
And you ask yourself "how can I know what I want and be like the rest of the world". That world full of perfect people who have goals aligned with their values and philosophy of life.
Well, let me tell you a couple of secrets:
You were born complete and flawless. There is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong with you. Having times of poor clarity is the most normal thing in the world.
99% of the population lives on autopilot and have no idea what they want. You get the impression that they have it very clear, because you only see their good side and human beings always tend to think that the grass grows greener on the other side of the fence, but believe me: deep down most people are more lost than you, that at least you have stopped to think about it.
So shake off all the pressure, relax and start to feel good
2. Look at it from the positive side
So you want to have everything absolutely clear and know to the millimeter what you will do for the rest of your life... Ok, very well. Take this magic book in which is written everything that will happen to you from today until the day you die: what you will work on, who you will marry, what will be your best moments, what will be your worst ones... You will never have to worry about anything ever again.
Would you read it?
I certainly wouldn't. If the idea of being a civil servant and working in the same job for 50 years makes me dizzy, the idea of having my whole life decided beforehand is beyond me.
Therefore, I invite you to consider not knowing what you want as something positive, because maybe you have not realized but ... you can choose what you want! There is nothing written and you have infinite possibilities in front of you. The world is your playground. Could you be in a better situation?
3. Take time to think about what you want.
My friend Rober gave a course to a group of students and asked the attendees two questions:
What do you do on Mondays at 12 a.m.?
What would be your perfect job?
The first one was answered by everyone. The second question was answered by 1 in 20.
All those who did not answer the second question will inevitably end up dissatisfied with their work life. They can't possibly be happy, because if they don't know where they're going... how will they know they've arrived at their destination?
I say exactly the same thing to you. If you don't know what you want to do with your life, the solution is very simple: stop and think about what you want. But really think about it, as if your life was at stake, not 5 minutes on a Sunday morning in the shower. More specifically, I recommend that you do the exercise of your ideal life.
It's a small exercise that will take you less than 30 minutes and will give you tremendous clarity on what you really want. When I did it for the first time it changed my life, and I've been doing it again every year since then.
4. Explore and experiment
If you don't know what you want, the worst thing you can do is sit on the couch waiting for it to magically come to you one day. And no, St. Peter isn't going to come down with his guitar and serenade you with it either.
To get that clarity you lack, you need to interact with the world and change the "I don't want to do anything" for "I'm going to experiment". Travel, meet different people, explore, experiment, do things. LIVE NEW EXPERIENCES.
My recommendation is to start with something that excites you. The question "what accomplishments would I be excited to achieve?" is a good place to start. But when you go to try something, don't dip your little toe in the water and say it's cold and you don't like it. No, when you go to try something, you have to dive into the pool headfirst.
I was listening to a guy recently who was telling how when he was young he dreamed of being a rock singer, so one day he bought a guitar, leather clothes and dyed his hair blue. He lived 3 months as a rocker, realized it wasn't his thing and quit.
That's how you should explore and experiment: dye your hair a color that excites you to see if you really like it.
5. Develop useful skills
Sebastian Marshall, in his fantastic book Ikigai, recommends that people who don't know what they want to do with their lives should assume that they will figure it out in the future, and in the meantime develop relationships, skills, resources and experiences that will be useful when they finally figure out what they want to do.
I think that's great advice, and when the day comes you'll be thankful that you've been preparing instead of sitting on your hands.
Here's what Sebastian recommends:
Start studying and developing your own ethical system.
Meet friends, advisors and mentors who are good people.
Learn universally useful skills
Get some credentials
Save some money
Study history to learn what is possible
Establish good habits that you will keep for the rest of your life
Get in shape
Learn to think rationally
Then accompany the list with some more concrete and actionable recommendations. I am not going to put them here because they take up several pages, but if you are interested you can find them in the book.
As far as I'm concerned, this is my top 3:
Learn English. Not knowing English today is to be a modern illiterate. Information is power, and the best information is always in English.
Study personal finance. Having healthy beliefs about money and understanding how the stock market and the financial system works can save you a lot of headaches in the future.
Travel. If possible alone, and not to England or Italy but to a very different country like Japan or India. Use CouchSurfing to meet locals.
Conclusions
Knowing what you want to do with your life is not a matter of luck or chance. You are not going to get out of bed one day having it clear and inspiration is not going to come to visit you while you are watching TV on the couch.
Knowing what you want to do with your life is a decision. It's something you have to dedicate time to and that only you can discover. There is no step-by-step "How to know what to do in life in 7 steps" tutorial, this is not WordPress, so only time and your own reflections (and actions) can help you figure it out.
Don't feel bad if you're not clear on it yet, but get on it as soon as possible because it's important.
Start by sitting down to write. It is essential that you write. Do the exercise I've suggested or simply write at the top of a piece of paper "What do I want?" and write down everything that comes to mind. Do this often.
In the meantime, don't stop exploring and learning. Read non-fiction, get to know other countries, go to courses on subjects that interest you and are not related to what you studied, travel, make new friends... But whatever happens, don't stagnate.
And finally, most important of all: ENJOY THE WAY. You have the whole world to discover and, as I often say, life is one big adventure full of possibilities. So have a lot of fun. You are lucky to be here