Insignificant Morning Thoughts
I struggled waking up this morning. I slept very late and at around 5 am today, I was constantly nudged by my little one. She wanted me to wake up. As in have my eyes opened and be on my toes. I tried telling her off but she insisted that I get out of the bed.
I felt irritated. Why can’t I sleep more? Perhaps I am not that very much needed to sit with them while they sit at the living room. But no, my little one wanted me to just be awake. Just that. So to make it worth waking up, I prepared beverage for the whole family.
I am still sleepy while writing this. I already took my coffee. I ate a little, I fed the dogs, I took a bath, I instructed someone to do this and that.
The rain has stopped at least during this morning. No assurance that it will not rain again in the afternoon. But that is why it is called the rainy season. Otherwise, it is not called so.
I am quite irritable. This probably again is being caused by hormones. Stupid hormones. Then I have to drink water again to keep my mood within pleasant mode.
I wanted to just lie down and waste the day away. To be called sleepy head but still allowed to sleep through the day.
I have no commitment during this day. This is one of the rare moments that I wanted to be just this, just like this, idle and mindless. But somehow, I managed to sit here and write. It would have been better to get the ballpen and paper to write. But I am finding it harder and harder to write with my hands. It is much easier to type. It saves effort. But I knew I had to write on paper again. I still love the act. It is more romantic and it gives me the fulfillment of being able to scribble those words.
In a few days or probably a week, I will have my period and my mood will be better. I have observed my behavior and the pattern is quite clear. I decided to simply let myself be in times before my period begins. No point dragging oneself to do house chores or any other thing. When the cycle progresses, I will have better days.
Other women I know have varying levels of mood shifts. Some of them experience premenstrual syndrome longer than mine while others have quicker mood changes from ugly moods to better moods. Hoping that I will already feel better so I will cease wasting my time which is very much precious if we know its value.
I reluctantly started the pills again. For the sake of regulating my hormones. I had to be diligent in taking it. I needed to take the red ones for my iron supplement. I used to be anemic but thanks to improvement in my diet after getting married, I have become stronger to think that I have already given birth to more than one child. My diet cannot be put to low regard because during the babier days of my children, I had to eat a lot to have something to feed them through my breasts. Those were such priceless moments—breastfeeding while cuddling with the baby.
Somehow, I managed to pull myself from postpartum depression. It was all in the mind. Thanks to the encouragement of my friends and family. I was able to come out of the abyss of depression.
Back to the present, it would have been an ideal time to be washing clothes and basking under the shy sun but again, this is the time I just wanted to be idle. I just hope that the sun won’t hide away too soon so that when my mood lifts, I will see her. And let some vitamin D in.
I wanted to eat junkies right now but is resisting the urge. It will just make matters worse. Chicharon ni Mng Juan may satiate the cravings but I resisted buying it.
Surely, this will pass. It will pass. I just had to use the idle time to think of other things. I should at least put my mind to work and not be as mindless as I wish to for this day.
I look so much forward to getting back on my toes. Hoping to at least be able to read while I am not in the mood for house chores.
Can you do things with gusto?
Maybe we can do things with gusto. But not until the rain will let up. Or yes, let us still perform stuffs with pleasure. Otherwise, the rain will not only dampen the earth but our hearts and spirits. Don’t let it take away our enjoyment!
Rain rain go away...
I do not want to go away, says the rain.
So heat the water, put that black thing on your mug, add some sugar and some creamer to have a cup of coffee. Enjoy! Or do you go for instants? I used to. Now I yield. It is more economical to mix coffee powder, creamer, and sugar.
And to go on about the day…
How about putting that blank canvas on the table and pencil and colors? Draw draw draw! If you can't get the images of real objects, then try geometric shapes. It's what I do.
The obvious activities of many would be to watch television or movies and series. Why not? What's the latest show? Who are the lead actors and actresses? Are you game for western or Asian? It's up to you of course.
All you have to have could be a mobile phone, a laptop, and the source of video. Would you watch online or offline? Hey, friends, any movie there? May I copy? If not, you can search the internet for sites that stream movies.
I find it hard watching my favorite series. Yes, I do watch Korean dramas like any other typical woman in this era. I may be wrong but I believe it has been typical for us to watch Korean something. Even the food they eat, we try to recreate.
I do watch Korean dramas but now, however, I find it hard to squeeze into my schedule. I can’t just watch an episode per day. Once I watch, I binge watch. If possible I will finish the whole in just one sitting. Hehehe. Feel me?
Writing has been my major activity lately. So it is understandable not to be able to find time watching movies. The television will do for now. The tv turned on while I write or do some other academic stuffs.
If not writing, my time is devoted to my main job. That is just common sense. I wouldn’t want just spending something which I have not earned in action. It is more satisfying to earn your pay.
Good thing that even during the rain we can still work. And even work at home. That’s a big deal for me. I am providing for my family. In addition to what the man of the house earns.
So yes, we can do things with gusto as long as we find ways to do it. I feel sorry to those who can’t travel during this rain.
I met a colleague sometime last month. I went to town and I coincidentally bump into her. She confided that this pandemic is making her feel stuffed and it had a very big negative impact on her. How much more now that it keeps raining? She must be feeling more agitated and stressed.
Somehow, I feel thankful that I am one who could survive just staying inside the roof for long periods of time. Actually, it’s the ideal set up I always wanted. And unbeknownst to the world, the pandemic started more than a year ago.
I wasn’t jumping for joy because of the involvement of a virus. But at the very least, I was able to survive the tormenting effects on being confined in a room for long stretches of time. Tormenting for many but not for me.
The only thing I didn’t like was the restrictions when you go to town. But it is very much needed for safety purposes. So little can be done about it. It will just be our part to follow protocols and not cause additional problems for our government.
On one occasion, when the rain stopped for a moment, I amused myself with children I saw in the neighborhood who ran around the area as if it was their time to be let out into the outside world. They took their time during the brief moment. A little while later, the rain resumed. What a pity…
It feels the rain will go on forever. Definitely not a good time to rejoice. It’s a time to test so many aspects of our lives.
You know what? Even in case it is this rainy, I would still roam around town. But the responsibility of sitting the children is restricting me. But that is part of the package of someone who already has a family.
So let’s still do stuffs with gusto, and be thankful that at least we have a roof to stay in.
Have a good morning. Enjoy your coffee!
I shall not rest until…
I have not written in a long whole day. Reason? Nothing in particular. I just wasn’t able to write. No laundry done, no floor swept, no window wiped, only plates and spoons and fork and bowls have been washed. Of course!
It would have been a good time to rest but not until I have put something from mind to paper (or computer or mobile phone). So now let me do just that—writing the blank canvas!
What went on during my day? What did not? What did I do, not do? etc. etc.
First, in the early morning, or not so early, I forgot, I woke up and got out of bed. That has to be the first thing I did for my day. Afterwards, I must have prepared breakfast for a family of 3 or 4 or 5. Then we ate. I do not recall munching on bread.
Then I sat down. Thinking about this and that. What was to be done? Requirements? Excuse me! I am not in the mood. Writing? I will pass. This was in the morning. I told you, I have not written in a long whole day. Writing time tonight is about 10 in the evening. No sweet good nights yet. It will have to wait.
I went to town in the late afternoon. To buy groceries. Milk, milo, shampoo, diaper, bread, etc… And how could I forget apples and bananas? I bought just enough for my family. I’m sure they wouldn’t be disappointed when I go home. True enough they my kids eagerly waited and check my bag out. They were able to have apples, bananas, and all those that I got from the grocery. There was also pandesal to go with milo in the cold afternoon here at our place.
Rain would stop every now and then during the day. That is good news. Still looking forward for a drier next week, hoping so. Our clothes are very much excited to see the sun. They smell awful now. I got lazy using the dryer. And men! Was the electricity expensive! So some clothes experienced the dryer, some didn’t. I’m sorry. Maybe next time. It there is a next time for you. But I know there will be. I’m trying my best to be economical so not be throwing clothes.
After town, I played with my kids. They got most of my town. And I am not complaining. My brain was empty anyway most time of this day so it was rather relaxing playing with the kids. Scribbles here and there, shapes and struggling letters were what they made. Bravo! Fantastic! Keep going children! It won’t be long, you will also discover the healing balm of writing. Hope so!
Oh, I cooked pancake! I may have bought pandesal but dear young brother of Ren, he saw the ready-made pancake mix. I reluctantly cooked it. Just put the mix on a bowl, poured some water, mixed it, no egg used, then I melted butter, put it on the mix, then cook it. Then done! I was so happy the boy ate everything. Occasionally giving some to the cute little girl beside him. He was the one who fed his sister. What more can a parent wish for?
They were good with the pancake but they were not able to eat during dinner. We told them, tomorrow again or some other day. We must consume the pandesal first. Economize economize. It’s some sort of crisis. But I sliced the apple anyway and offered it to the children. They loved the apple. Some of them ate bananas, instead. Oh yeah, eat eat eat… That’s better than not eating.
What they prepared for dinner was ginataang tilapia. Ah… so ginataang tilapia over sinigang? Not bad. But the seasoning was not so well done but at least, it was edible.
We resumed playing with the kids after eating. I tried so hard to convince them to write their names. There has to be more action than sound!
When I finally caught myself to write, it is this! But see, I have written something. This is some sort of exercise and one has to do it. Otherwise, there might be no more hope of writing more.
Honestly, I am in no best shape to write but I have written anyway. I am still super lazy with creating short stories. I forgot my resolutions. I will have to go back to what I have promised myself before.
By the way, I was not able to start with my sister’s muffler. I just couldn’t find the luxury of time. Though I promised her. And promise I did so I had to deliver it to her the finished product no matter…
So now I shall rest this weary mind and look forward to a better day ahead…
Have a good night, everyone!
***All photos from Unsplash.***
Deciding Forever
Have you ever been shouted at while you are still deciding whether to get up or not? Does it happen every time? How about hearing the rants because you keep at it at the changing room because you can’t make up your mind on what clothes you should buy out of the many pieces you decided to try on?
Growing up, I experienced being scolded for moving out of bed later than expected. We were expected to wake up by the time it was past 5. Though things have changed now, I still can’t help sighing whenever I feel it was so hard getting out of bed.
For working people, one thing that could halt our task is indecisiveness. It takes us forever to decide what we wear, what we eat, what we buy, and so on. That's why if only there is a formula for decision-making… The simple truth is, there is none. You have to do the decision-making yourself. Sometimes, you even have to rely on your own two feet. Otherwise, it’ll get ugly the longer you leave it to others.
But really, always relying on others is not a good idea. There will always come a time that you are forced to be on your own. No others to pass the blame when things go wrong. You are solely responsible for whatever decision that you choose to enact.
One reason why I don’t let out my opinion about something is that I am not myself inept or adept at anything and commenting on others’ works is just too much. If I do need to comment, I see to it that I don’t offend others. I let experts do their job in commenting because they know better.
And here come something I needed to submit the soonest possible time. It concerns my material for something. Finalizing the content of my material is not an easy thing to do. What should I do? Is it sufficient? Are the contents fit for my target audience? Is there alignment to the outcomes that I wish to achieve? Does it look like I just made it out of compliance?
Too many considerations. I have objectives but even choosing for something which will best fit the objectives is a real job.
I have a classmate before who always took her time in everything. She would respond to a question too many seconds delayed. She relays something very slowly. She was an advocate of sluggishness. But I couldn’t blame her. Anyhow, she manages to correctly analyze facts during assignment-making.
Her mantra might have been, slowly but surely. But I couldn’t hide my irritation sometimes. Though we would always exercise maximum tolerance. Well, at least she had a pleasant character. Just slow but she had been a pleasant person to us. Sometimes, she would also laugh after everybody has already laughed. Then we would further laugh because of her late reaction.
But now when you are married, making decision forever will not do you any good. You have to remember the best thing that you could remember and decide at once. If not, you will get behind everything. I don’t support mediocrity but at this point in my life, sometimes, I just do things fulfilling the minimum requirements. And move on to the next task at hand.
One good thing nowadays is that at least you can have Google to consult for whatever nonsense that you wish to search. No not nonsense, but say, trivial.
When I am in doubt, I try to search first with Google. Though you also have to speed up searching. It might even take you longer to decide when you dig deeper and deeper until you are out of time. Though in an academic setting, it is ideal to always dig deep.
And the rain!!! Please go away! It is raining forever. Can’t it decide to stop? I wanted to see the sun but it eludes everyone. Well, the rain subsides from time to time but it would again rage the next time. Patience is a good thing to teach to kids nowadays that it is always raining.
Actually, I had no plan writing an article not until I have had finished at least one fourth of what I was doing but I can’t help but take a break. Yes, I’ve come to accept that taking a break thru article writing will save me considerable time.
The only time I don’t think twice is when I eat my delicious meal. Here, thinking again of food. The rain is to be blamed.
Do you do what I do? Cooking noodles...
Do you also watch mukbang on YouTube and try to remake it on your own? It is what I do. I’ve done it on many occasions already. Sometimes, together with my family. Sometimes, I do it alone.
But I have to admit, the food I prepare, nothing ever comes close to the real deal. Huhuhu. Though I have not tasted of course since I am only watching. But I can tell by how the food looks, it's delicious.
But I won’t be bothered for as long as my remake is edible and also, delicious, in its own way however different it may be from what I just watched from YouTube.
Sometime ago, I have scolded one of my children for watching food eating on YouTube. I was worried at once because I didn’t know whether that was a healthy thing to do or not, watching someone eating. I came to learn afterwards that it is some sort of trend. People watch food eating on YouTube and do it on their own as well. Vloggers found a way to vlog!
I became a fan of some Korean food vloggers. Oh, mouth-watering, delightful sights! How I wish I could be next to them while they are recording their videos. So I could eat whatever excess they have. Hahaha.
I have no choice but to just cook what I can. I simply wanted to eat like how they eat even if what I prepared is very different. As long as it is eatable and delicious. That will do.
Just a while ago, I cooked pancit canton and indulged in it. So delicious! But of course, I know that I shouldn’t do it every so often because of the health implication. Just once in a while, and also, allowable since it’s called and it’s rainy.
The pancit canton was spicy and I enjoyed it so much! Next time, as was suggested by my child, we will buy chop sticks! Can’t he just be satisfied with fork? But yes, even I also wanted to use chopsticks again. I already tried using chopsticks. Sometimes, when we go to Korean restaurants to eat samgyupsal, that’s when I am given the experience of using chopsticks. My first time holding chopsticks was in high school when one friend suddenly brought some and we used it during lunch with our baon. Those were the days!
What else do I do? I also buy okieje or any alternative to go with my food. Siomai would also be good but I never cooked or steamed siomai in our house. Next time, I will buy cooked siomai for my mukbang food adventure!
What I am very jealous of is when they eat big seafood and exotic food! Like octopus, big shrimp, mushroom, oyster, and many more. If there is something I am dreaming of, that would be, being able to taste and eat those that I’ve watched so far.
Meanwhile, I will be satisfied with instant noodles and chicharon. There were times when I would buy shrimp and squid but I really am not good in cooking.
The best I could do is roast them, especially the squid. I don’t think I will be able to tolerate crabs so I never tried buying.
I only had taste of small crabs, way before when I was young at our beloved province. I just needed to appear as if I was savoring its taste so my father will be pleased. He really was pleased. My siblings didn’t mind him being pleased for as long as they didn’t eat the poor creature. Even big crabs I saw at a party or two, I never attempted eating them. Besides, their protective layers are so strong it was too much for me to attempt opening.
The season made me think about all those food. I only wish I had budget for those. Actually no budget so instants will do for now. When days are better, I will be able to taste those delicious food. But of course, it doesn’t mean I have to. Just if days will favor me. These are just wishful thinking.
What’s more important now is surviving this rain. How long before the rain will stop? I have no desire anymore to deal with moist and cold place here at my house. Thanks for the thought of food, they are temporarily comforting. Oh, have I just thought of food as comforting?
Oh well…
Tracing the Hands
Image Source https://www.pngitem.com/pimgs/m/670-6709313_handtrace080914bflat-hand-trace-hd-png-download.png
Tracing the hands—this is by far the most I have aided my child with this rainy season. What else should kids be doing? Either draw, write, play ‘catch me’ or ‘hide and seek,’ or any other game or task that could be done indoors. The thought that the rain have eventually stopped was erased as it came back yet again on Friday afternoon.
So we have traced hands with my sweetie pie. Not only the left hand, the right hand, but again the left hand and the right hand over and over until the pages of an old notebook that is no longer in use have been sketched on. I kept teaching her what to do but she couldn’t seem to get the hang of the art. That is, tracing out the hands. When she does it alone, she just puts near her hand the pencil then as if she is tracing. I was amused at my less than 3 year old child. You just have to trace the hand! What do think you’re doing, darling? I have asked her. She just smiled and giggled.
One good thing I liked about hand tracing is that you don’t need to have a great skill in order to do it. And even you could show it easily to any child. But it proved challenging to teach the art to my child. It seemed very simple but not simple enough hahaha. But I won’t give up until I could see that she does it alone without my help. Meantime, we will look for other surfaces to fill in. It seems, we can just turn to the shelf and check which papers are not important anymore—exam papers that are no longer used, printed papers, pad papers, back of receipts, etc. We do not seem to be running out of them! Though I must be warned, I know right? That we had to use only the scratch paper and not the back of receipts. My child might think that it is okay to use any receipt.
It is clear that whenever we traced hands, my child would get her mind working, “Why can’t I do it on my own?” And I know when the time finally comes that she realizes how it is done, she would wonder why she wasn’t able to grasp it in the first place. Or maybe, mommy is just not good enough a teacher for her. Hehehe. Google it, how to teach hand tracing to a child younger than 3?
How would you finish up the drawing then? You draw the nails, right? And the grid lines somewhere on the hands. We are making ours very simple. After all, I am not a drawing genius. I would just be a fan of those geniuses. Brown, we color the hand brown. But I would notice that our color is very Filipino. Kayumangging-kayumanggi. I would tell us that that is over colored brown! Though kayumangging-kayumanggi is something to be proud on. But how do we create a skin-toned color? Okay, we will just color lightly. Hmmm… So much to learn about this art! But still I know I will just be tracing hands with my kid for the while.
If there is something I am interested in but not good at, that would be at drawing. I don’t frustrate over it because it doesn’t matter that what I know are just the basics thought in Daycare. What matters more though at the moment is for me to be able to let my sweetheart do it on her own.
To make it more entertaining, we’ve drawn the nails differently and colored them with varying colors. My child would even just draw eyes, nose, and mouth to the back of the palm part to make the hand look like a head, which is like a hand head. Another hehehe. We will progress to tracing other objects. Okay, I am good when it came to drawing geometric shapes. Up to that only but at least I have something good at at drawing. Circle, triangle, square, etc. I even know the difference between such figures. I just fail at optical illusion.
Sorry, I won’t be posting any of the pictures of the drawings. I am afraid I will be labeling that private property haha. Not that I have posted pictures recently. Most of my articles are only words and I could only supply pictures sparingly. Am I lazy? Maybe, maybe not. Hehe. I am just shy with our current drawing. But I can assure you, they are looking like hands. Small hands.
At the first, make it quick!
I really can't imagine what would have been the outcome this morning if we didn't have a washing machine. At the first opportunity of sun, we immediately washed the clothes. It has rained for days. No, weeks. And I do not recall the last time that I was able to properly dry clothes under the sun. Not a luck these days this month.
We first collected the laundry from all over our place. In the bedroom, at the sala, here, there, wherever! We had a lot of laundry.
We filled the basins, big and small, and the pails, small or big, with water. Then quickly drenched the clothes, put them in the washing machine by batch then kept the machine to work. Rinsing was done every after a batch was washed by the washing machine. We did the work over and over until everything has been washed, rinsed, and spun. We hang all the clothes. We set up new hanging rope and secured it to place. I then put the clothes, again by batch into the dryer. Until now, the dryer is working.
It was a relief that we made it quickest. Washing all the clothes all at once with the help of the washing machine. After 2:00 P.M. the drizzle soon became rain again. Rain rain rain! Again! Some of the children are complaining... Why does it keep on raining? Well, it is the rainy season, I told them. This is already expected. We would be lucky if once in a while, the sun shows up and the clouds rest. I think it will be a while before the rain subsides this day.
Memories come back. Those days when we didn't have washing machine and dryer. And to make it worse, I was so lazy to wash the clothes while they are not yet full in the hamper. I always waited for the mountain to emerge before washing by hands. Although it was better washing by hands because the clothes come cleaner, I can't compete with the volume of clothes. My hands would be completely sore by the time I was done washing. Sometimes, it would take me days to be able to finish up. But I was a housewife back then. Then imagine the rainy season where there is no sun to dry the clothes. I hated how it felt back then. But even then I still had pride not to buy washing machine. I could have saved up. Or loaned. But I didn't know anything about gadgets or appliances being loaned before. It was only until two years ago that we eventually bought our beloved washing machine. The first ever! My first try with a washing machine!
Buying a dryer only came to me when I realized that the spin dry was not enough to let us through the rainy season. I think it was also two years ago, I have forgotten, when I ordered a dryer. Just the simple dryer that consumes a lot of electricity. But I didn't mind. I just thought of it as my expense as if I brought our clothes to a laundry shop.
I just thought that in the future when we will be considering improving our residence, I will put more effort strategizing the layout of our place to make it have more space for clothes hanging. There should be a place allocated for all clothes to dry even without the sun.
Yes, we live in a place, which is mostly cold. I was told that in other places, you could have the clothes dried by the end of the first half of the day but in our place, we always needed to wait until the afternoon or the day after or the next and the next depending on the weather. And during the rainy season, you don't wait for the sun but take advantage of technologies.
And if you're not quick, you'll always lose the chance to have the clothes dried by the sun. To make it more economized, I use the dryer only during rainy seasons or during emergencies that I need to wear something, specifically.
Meanwhile, this is my warm-up article! It's cold over here. But I won't say very cold because there are other places that are so much colder. Actually it is still better at our place. No wonder many tourists come to Baguio.
Enjoy your coffees and mufflers and socks and jackets during the rain! Though right now I am not drinking or wearing any of the mentioned. I told you it's cold here but not yet very cold during this month. Though it is advisable to have those to prevent colds from developing.
Brownout is Compulsory Rest
Honestly, I am barely ready in case of a disaster. Like the previous brownout. How much more for serious calamities. The uncharged phones, no alternative laptop batteries, lack of supply in candles, failing flashlight batteries, and emotional readiness. At least we should be emotionally ready.
I was very worried over my research which is due next week. And to add to it, we had brownout the past days. Though it was to be expected because of the weather, I still felt helpless and restless. I was still hoping for the electricity to come the soonest but it didn’t come as quickly. We had no power banks. We weren’t able to charge cellphones to their full capacity. My laptop’s got a dead battery and all we had were two candles, one was already almost used up.
I tried writing on paper but it was so inconvenient because of some circumstances. Good thing I was able to publish the day the electricity went out, just before it went out. At least I saved one day from a no-article day.
I have to admit that without much gadget to use and books to read, the next thing that was inviting was sleep and rest. It was unusually quiet the first night of brownout. One of us was very afraid even to cry so he slept through the night. He kept his eyes closed and lightened up only when electricity came back.
But then, the brownout was not without its advantages or say perks. It forced me to stop thinking about school works. No matter how hard I tried thinking about the due paper works and assignments, I didn’t have something to use to accomplish things. No gadget to finish them up or to edit them. Borrowing was also out of my option since we were all trying to save some battery. How scarce our reserves were. So I eventually stopped thinking about those and my research. Sleep and rest will somehow be managed.
During the brownout, I was able to turn to other thoughts that would otherwise be left untouched in my brain cells during normal days with electricity. For one, I thought about my lack of supply of physical books. I became over thrifty not spending a coin on books. I relied on free downloads. I relied on ebooks as if there won’t be circumstance where I will be needing physical books. Another, I thought about my failing penmanship. But I know at least my trick in order to write continuously and make texts as readable as possible. I just have to use a not-so-fine pen and let the words be written in a manner that letters appear as they are in standard appearance.
Well well well, to be safe, let us say that temporary brownouts are compulsory rest from gadgets. But not necessarily rest from everything. And definitely, brownouts are not all-sleep rest. Because it is evident here on this very article that other sides and parts of the brain are working during the absence of electricity.
For the kids, it will mean more reflection for them. A break from the never ending debate on using cellphone for most of the day. I feel triumphant to see them taken a back. At least they realize that gadgets are not eternal commodities.
I don’t want to say that brownouts are good because during those times, some important messages must be seen, but the event of brownout nevertheless makes us realize the many things we fail to realize. That we also have to take a break from the conveniences of life that we have become so familiar with and also try to live the basic life. And also, it is a chance to assess our readiness in times of disaster.
We were sleeping through the afternoon when the lights eventually returned. One of us left some switches on so when the electricity came it was obvious that it came. We charged immediately but I didn’t use my phone yet. Let it just charge without being used. Remember, I thought, we just had some gadgetless moments. It was after few hours before I resumed my use of my laptop. Here we go again, was another thought. But of course, this is the now the normal thing. For a moment it was as if no brownout had ever happened. Silly, just charge and store reserve just in case there will be another power outage. Fortunately, once the electricity returned, it never went out again.
In case of another brownout, it will again be compulsory rest from all gadgets.
System Maintenance
Funny how this is my topic after being inactive in writing for the past 2 days. Or was it 3? So how’s it going for you during these days? It’s rainy season here at our beloved country. Not a time for outing or going to malls. Not that I am a mall person. Just saying. Teehee.
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Online transactions are a convenience. That’s obvious. We don’t have to go to banks in order to deposit or withdraw our money. We have so many e-merchants nowadays. I am just talking of course about money transactions. Transaction of goods is a different story. But what if something is going on with our beloved e-merchants? Like, system maintenance? What should we be doing?
The bank where I am keeping my small amount of cash is currently on system maintenance. Definitely in an attempt to improve the service that they have to offer. Therefore, notice for system maintenance was given few weeks back then again the previous days. I am sure that it would have spelled disaster if notices were not given in advance. Why? Because of obvious reasons.
For one, some clients schedule their transactions for particular dates. And of course, when they schedule, they should know beforehand the maintenance schedules of the bank. On other occasions, clients do online transactions. And doing such during scheduled system maintenance is not allowed. Therefore, notices are always given in advance.
I am one who does online transactions quite often and it should go without saying that I should respect notices for system upgrades or maintenance. Anyhow, I still had my way of forgetting such important dates leaving me frustrated and helpless most of the time. When I do forget that system upgrade is being done on a particular date, I was always left with no choice but to incur debts to be paid when normal operations resume. And incurring debts without making a plan will be sometimes risky and tricky.
So the best move, when a notice comes, I always should try to take it seriously. Sure? I am not sure but I have no choice but to ensure that I take notices like it’s between life and debt. When we take into consideration the dates of maintenance, at least we put our contingency plans at work without having to resort to loans and the like.
I always experience in the past contacting email addresses in order to inquire about my floating transactions. And to be fair with protocols, I was already reminded beforehand to either schedule transactions before maintenance or after it. I am still glad that problems are resolved overtime. But the worry and doubt will be there for some time. Example, I send my money from Coins.ph straight to my bank account only to put the money on temporary hold. I would wonder why. My mindlessness always gets the best out me. Instead of withdrawing something for the day, I end up taking loans from family or friends. If not, from colleagues.
-- -- --
I was, I think, also on maintenance during the past days. I stared at the white monitor but I could not put myself to write. And I always felt sleepy so I thought I will give in to sleep. After all, it is what the body needs in order to hope for a fuller write up. And who doesn't need maintenance? We all do need it, right?
I attempted to write last night. But thought better to postpone it for today. Sadly, that which I wrote last night was not saved. For some reason, I forgot where I have written it. It is obvious if it was written here because it would automatically ask if a user wanted to restore previous unsaved draft. But since I do not see a red warning a while back, then those precious words I attempted to write last night were lost forever. We can never secure our thoughts unless we have a recorder in our minds.
Still, I am happy I was able to let go of the past days even without writing. It’s okay to not write on some days. I remember the distant past where I got worried over no-article-day and it wasn’t healthy. We also have to refill first before moving on.
* * *
Oh well, that’s it for today. Heavy rain, busy canal, trapped people inside their house, soups, broths, and many others are words during this rainy days. It would have been best curled up in bed reading and thinking but then, we have children to attend to and house chores to do.
Temporarily Unavailable. Any other plan in place?
TEMPORARILY UNAVAILABLE
When I planned for a trip to town yesterday, I only considered a one-way plan. I was mindlessly charging forward towards an atm machine. What I saw took me by surprise. Not that it isn't expected that sometimes atm machines do maintenance. It was covered with a paper stating, ‘TEMPORARILY UNAVAILABLE.’ I reluctantly went a little further away in order to withdraw. It’s a good thing that the lack of alternative plan, or what they call contingency plan, didn’t affect me so much. I just rode in a jeepney in order to go to another atm machine. And instead of grocery shopping at my first choice grocery shop, I went to an alternative grocery store. Not really that bad. But if only...
EXPERIENCE IS THE BEST TEACHER
But the experience reminded me to always plan ahead in case original plan wouldn’t meet the current demands of the situations or circumstances. Even the seemingly very convenient e-merchants will have their maintenance from time to time. A solution is to be kept informed. We have to always be mindful about when you will have your transactions.
Just last Friday, I used the Pesonet in transferring my money from Coins.ph to my bank. Usually, when using Pesonet, even though it states that the money will arrive at the destination account the next day, for as long as it is not weekends or holidays the next day, the money will be on the bank account earlier than expected. But if you transacted on a Friday, you will have to really wait for your money on a Monday. Because of that, before using Pesonet, I always need to check the day and dates. But since I already used the Pesonet even before realizing what day it was last Friday, I had no choice but to wait for my money. I exercised my patience.
When suddenly your plan doesn’t work, you should always consider few alternatives. Otherwise, you will be left frustrated over things that you cannot do about. When I went to withdraw on that particular internet, my mind was only expecting to be successful in obtaining money. If only I expected that possibility of it being temporarily unavailable, then I would have been more wholehearted in going to look for other atm machines. The others who saw me disappointed might have laughed discreetly because of my desperation. It is a good thing that I was able to decide right there and then to look for other machines.
There is never a formula for smooth living. We always needed to do our best in order to make our life smooth and convenient. Not considering alternative plans will set us on defensive mode. Be sure to always have contingency plans. The first time I heard about contingency plans, or more properly, the first time I read was thru a novel. It lectured that we must always have one in place. How many people have been saved the inconvenience because of the contingency plan? Surely, a many. And it cannot be denied.
Is there such thing as always available? There maybe but for a certain amount of time only. There will always be the temporary unavailable notice and meantime, we can only do what we can in order to make things better.
I always experience problems when it came to atm withdrawals. Because of that, I needed to roam around town in search for atm machines who are still willing to give me money. Most of the time, it will cost me a fifth of a hundred pesos to use a machine which is not owned by the bank I entrusted my money with. But at least, I was still able to withdraw yesterday and was able to buy the things I wrote on my list.
One thing I do to add more options is having more than one type of card. If a card fails, I have an alternative card. No, I am talking only about debit cards. I only own one credit card which actually is a nonbank one. But yes, the credit card is another alternative for cash. But a caution is given for credit card users. Only spend what you can afford to pay, as they say. It applies as well with credit card users. If you aren’t careful, you’ll have used all of your credit limit before you knew it. And if it is your first time holding a card, then all the more that you should be vigilant with how you spend the alternative for cash.
Drawing—a forgotten delight
Yes, drawing is a forgotten delight.
I bet, if there were no android phones now, I would either be writing (I mean, just copying down words from some books) or drawing (I had to have reference though) because what choice do I have. Ah… Perhaps I will do some academics but that would be too serious. I mean, I am referring to what could have been my recreation if there were no android phones that seemed very easy to entertain us now. The last memory I had that I was enjoying drawing and taking pride that I am good with it was in grade 4. Afterwards, I can’t recall anymore moments where I delighted in it.
But the last time I took time drawing cannot be in Grade 4 because my sister said they saw some drawings of mine depicting events of Ibong Adarna and Florante at Laura. I vaguely recall drawing those that I saw on our novel books. But yes, I remember that I was satisfied with what I had seen afterwards. But the process of drawing was a blur.
Perhaps just too much things had happened that I really don’t have any feeling towards drawing. What could have happened? I could only envy those who could draw even without a reference picture. They have a picture but either it is in their minds or on nature that they draw.
Another perhaps, perhaps my young mind back then have had other focus and direction. Maybe because I was the child. Now that I have children on my own, it is hard to do more things than the basics. But of course with creativity we can insert whatever interests we have. Unfortunately, drawing doesn’t seem to surface as an interest I have that I could pass on to my children, even just the enthusiasm.
What prompted me to write this was a Facebook post that I happened to see on FB during my brief visit there. It said, the painter was going back to basics. And I felt a tinge of envy once more. Wow! I also wish I could draw. But as they say, we have to be careful what we wish for though I don’t see anything wrong in wishing I could draw or paint. But my conscience is telling me that I had to respect the things that I have like skills or talents I possess. So I’m good now. Drawing may have been a forgotten delight but I can go back anytime to crocheting. And I remember my sister’s muffler which I have yet to crochet. I time I will be handing it to her.
I tried getting back at drawing by simply sketching simple things as I played with my child. I tried flowers, stars, shapes then fishes then mountains and seas. Just those oversimplified ones. Even though is till didn’t feel anything special, I still felt convinced that one day I will have the same feelings I have when I was drawing decades ago.
Aha! So much time. So much time. So much time has passed. I still recall those rainy days when classes were suspended and no choice, we drew. My siblings and I. I would turn those pages containing any drawing then I would draw draw draw! At the very least, we weren’t impoverished with pens and papers because otherwise, I wouldn’t have drawn anything. But just that, nothing special really with my drawings but those have been delightful experiences. If only those drawings were saved, then they would have been some treasured relics. I think, my mother had no choice but to burn most of our things when they transferred to our new home. That was around two years ago.
Just maybe, years after now, I will once again find myself in the company of basic drawing tools. Pencil and crayons would do. And occasional water color. But of course, it’s a given that I will keep drawing triangles, rectangles, squares, circle, and curves. I can’t imagine a Math teacher who struggle to draw at least those. Fortunately, as long as I have a free right hand, I can manage not perfect shapes but at least they resemble those that are described in their properties. Seriously, I came across others who really can’t put a circle to paper. I’m just not so sure if that person I am referring to indeed can’t draw such. Might have been an exaggeration but according to her claim, she can’t draw a simple circle.
Just a closing, I remember myself drawing. Expecting my little uncles to be in awe. Little did I know that they were excellent cartoonists. I felt so much ashamed when they started showing off instead. Hehe.
Crochet me a Muffler
To crochet something, is to crochet excitement. My sister asked me to make a scarf just for her to have something for her neck. Then I immediately wondered if I will be able to make one. Since it is a request, and from my sister, I should make one. And it brewed something on my mind on how to go about the project. She was describing how I should do it but I will ask again how I should go so she wouldn’t be disappointed with the design.
I will be buying yarn. I haven’t asked her what color she preferred but I bet it would be pink. I will be asking first her preference before proceeding with her muffler.
It’s been years since I’ve last held a hook, crochet hook. Just the thought of getting back to it makes my heart thump. Yes! I was given a reason to go back to my favorite hobby before. I don’t crochet for profit but I crochet just to put what I had in mind in my craft. I don’t crochet the usual things that others do. Besides, I don’t feel that my work for curtains are usable as curtains. It has a lot of messes that I don’t wish to fix. So mufflers are better and pouches.
The mufflers and pouches and cellphone cases I’ve crocheted before were in the hands of appreciative people. Sometimes, I crochet things but don’t use them. Not my type, I would say. But that was back then when my appreciation was not on full. Now, I will use any extra something that I will be able to crochet after finishing my sister’s muffler.
Before I learned to successfully crochet, I was first a curious cat about what my older sister was doing on her yarn and hook. When she was not around, I would go and practice and not being successful on a single hook. Eventually, I learned to pull the hook while it was facing downwards. And it didn’t take long before I was able to crochet a single _____.
When we were in Grade 5 and Grade 6, we were required to crochet. I preferred to learn on my own, which is why I never listened to my teacher. When I was pulling something off on my own to be able to connect motifs, she came and scolded me that I should have consulted her. She then thought me how to do things properly but even after then, I never consulted her again. And the crochet project thing was done anyway. Crocheting was one of my hobbies before that I do just to get some sort of satisfaction. Or maybe because I just had more time that I would have otherwise spent on writing or gaming if android phones were present before. In the recent years I have not tried to crochet even a single muffler. Now that my sister is requesting, it is my chance to be reunited with what I loved doing before.
Since I do not know how to describe yet the process of crocheting, you may just refer to Google on how to crochet. And just a suggestion would be this link: How to Crochet for Beginners. Click away and start learning how to crochet for a change! Christmas is nearing and you may want to surprise your mom or your friend or your sister and even brother. If you are a mother, you may as well surprise your kids. But of course, you should be creative enough to hide the recipient of the thing that you are crocheting so things will still come as a surprise even though they already saw you crocheting. https://www.thesprucecrafts.com/how-to-crochet-for-beginners-979092
Just remember to always go to a site where there is a good lighting in order not to ruin your eyes. Make sure to rest your eyes when needed and don’t forget to straighten yourself from time to time.
Probably, I have already mentioned in one of my previous articles that I will be crocheting but if my memory serves me right, I still haven’t held a hook in years. But maybe, I have already in an attempt to try out once more but right now sitting here, I don’t recall any incident in the recent years. Hoping to get the muffler than the soonest. And while I’m at it, I might also recycle this denim pants into something useful like denim pouches or bags. I just have to buy some zippers and buttons to go with them. A little design perhaps but cutting into shape still the denim pants.
One Accomplishment at a Time
I’ve finished the presentation file of my report next week. It may not be grand like those of some of my classmates but at least that I tried my best sticking with the objectives. Because no matter how beautiful a presentation is if it doesn’t adhere with the objectives then it will just be a beautiful presentation. I did try making it a beautiful presentation but I thought better to start with the other requirements. Days of the month may pass quickly by so it’s better to finish everything before going back and touching up. Most importantly, one accomplishment at a time.
With the many tricks and softwares and applications available nowadays, I still stick to that which I know would still give me what I wanted. Till now, Microsoft is still the leading brand in my system. And as long as I can use it, then I will use it. For the walkthrough of my presentation, I used prt sc heavily. But I made sure to crop it out so as not to show the date and other windows open in my computer.
Ever since I’ve learned about prt sc and editing it either in Microsoft Word or Microsoft Paint, it feels like I am unstoppable. I would take the pain of switching between apps and it isn’t a matter of concern for me for as long as I have a grip on what I am doing. As long as I got the hang of something, I’m good.
And I hope to take advantage of the kind comments that my classmates before gave me. They said, even though I was kind of late for our class, I still was able to catch up and present as if I’ve been there all those times. Thank you, I told them when one time we had a meet up. It was an effort for their part to voice out their appreciation and since appreciation is sometimes hard to get by, I hold on to any appreciation I would hear. So taking advantage means feeling confident with myself.
I’ve hear somewhere that being too modest is also pride. So if it is that I do well with my presentation then I will have to continue to do so. The problem when presenting in a class where you know that your classmates are also professionals and experts in their fields is you get very conscious that your voice falter. But I keep telling myself to present as if I was just talking and showing someone what to do. Because the aim of our presentation would be to share ICT tools that will be useful for teachers in creating and conducting assessments for their classes.
I hate doing things in a rush. I may be impulsive on other things but when it came to academic requirements, I almost always needed time. So I hated those times when I had to rush requirements because of leaving them up to the last moments. I scold myself if I don’t do things ahead of time. Now that we don’t have upcoming deadlines, I am doing my best to work with our many requirements. One by one until everything is accomplished.
With my child on my lap, I work. I have to stop from time to time to attend to their necessities. But I continue doing what I can. Acceptance is the key in order not to resent the fact that you study and teach and babysit. I would have resigned from my work, or dropped from my classes, or hired somebody else to care for my children. It may be a good move to hire caregivers for the children especially if you wanted to focus more on your job to produce quality work. But as long as I can do all jobs then I will. I will also take advantage of the work-at-home scheme during this pandemic. And also, it’s hard to look for caregivers. Not only that, they might demand a higher compensation for their work. That is understandable. But then I choose to do all parts. My relief is my RenLeaf, my first son, who is responsible enough for his age.
There is a probability that I will not be able to finish everything a week before the deadline but at least that during that time, I have had done the hardest part of researching and laying out the work. At least deliberation had already been made on a lot of things. Hoping that I would be able to say, “Hurray! I am done!” soonest.
Well, deadlines are not all on the same day. Some will be passed next week, the others will be passed next next week, and the final submission of other requirements will be by August 7.
Naunahan Kasi
I am writing this post as a thank you post because I was able to use something for my academic requirement. We are asked to identify two ICT tools that can help us, teachers, in creating assessment for students and also conducting those assessments to students. We will present what we have researched and we should also explore the tools first hand so we will have a good flow of discussion in our presentation. And also, why not explore as many tools as we can? And so we can identify advantages of each of the tools over others and try to note what we could use for different situations.
May I thank Google first? Because I search those tools using Google. And perhaps, I will thank Chrome. The two sites that I will be using as my tools for creating assessments will be ClassFlow and Pear Deck. I have already declared that this two sites will be my friends in creating assessment for my students.
The site that I read that has suggested tools is https://www.commonsense.org/education/top-picks/top-tech-tools-for-formative-assessment. When I went over its recommended tools/sites, I chose to settle for ClassFlow and Pear Deck.
I started exploring with Pear Deck. I just had to click the ‘Join a presentation’ button and I was asked to create my Pear Deck account. I logged in with Microsoft. Since I was already logged in with my Microsoft account to I didn’t have to fill in forms for registration. It automatically put me to 30 days trial before paying a premium. Since it was stated that I can still use free features after the trial ends, I will be able to stay in case I liked the service.
Well well well, upon discovering that it wasn’t after all for assessments but rather, powerpoint presentation, I went to the other tool to explore and looked for a different tool that will suit my need. I came across ASSISTments and it was, according to the review, best used for Math subject.
Even though I am taking a lot of time exploring, it is worth it because I am learning.
Although I will not be giving you a walk through here but I will be giving the links to the site in case you want them. So this is my way of giving credits to them. The Links are: https://support.prometheanworld.com/product/-classflow- and https://new.assistments.org/.
So in the end, I didn’t use Pear Deck. But at least I now have something to use for other purposes.
For those like me who are still exploring these tools, given time we will be able to settle for our favorite. I still have not decided on my favorite since I am still exploring. But whatever those are, I know they were chosen depending on how I felt about using them. Easy to use and with understandable feature is what will keep someone in the tool.
I wasn’t able to do so much during this day and I don’t have a topic at hand to write on other than about my ICT experiences. So I decided to talk about my ICT experiences. Honestly, I have not been using assessment forms during the second trimester. So I was determined that after this discussion, I will be spending more time exploring and eventually use for my classroom assessment.
In my pdf presentation, that will be submitted to professor, I will be explaining how to use the ICT tools that I have chosen. We are given more than a week to explore.
I hope I will be able to identify the features of the ICT tools so that I have more content for the pdf file presentation. Of course, screenshot feature is another friend. I do not know how I have managed so far if not for the screenshots or prt sc. Especially when I needed quick pictures. I simply press the prt sc button and crop and use it for my content.
There is a possibility I will change tool but it will explore as much as I can so that I have more options than just two. Sometimes, we can’t say what really works for us so I will keep trying out alternatives.
If only I was first to declare, then I would have chosen google forms and canvas. But well, either way I am okay. With exploring other tools, I will be learning a lot. We were not asked to provide an output of already created assessment using the tool but I will create using my chosen tools to make my presentation richer.
I’ll probably work few more hours then I will also be resting.
Attempt to do something worthwhile
For our requirement (final) in one subject course, we are to create learning materials that would cater to students online or offline. Review materials, reading materials, formative assessment, graded activities, and unit activity will be compiled to be submitted as a single pdf file and we would also create videos and presentations intended for those who wish to access things online. There will be submission facilities for all these and I am excited to create my materials.
I am sticking to my old thing. That is, using Microsoft PowerPoint to record my lecture. With the additional tip that I learned from my classmate, I will again be recording my slides and convert them alter on into mp4. I like it that I can go on editing and trying out different things.
I am also looking forward to designing my module for offline access. We were given the freedom to design it on our own. We just have to make sure that we put the required contents. I am doing my requirements tonight. We will be submitting next month around this time so I have a month to complete my materials. I hope I will be able to finish just at the right time. I will first have trials. Whew! I love technology!
For my internet replenishment, thanks to my tips that I receive here, I am not very much worried about the data that I use. Actually, I think that I am using the cheaper alternative compared to using wifi. I turn my mobile phone and turn the hotspot on and I can research and do well with my works.
I returned the headset that has noise-cancelling feature. I gave it back to the owner. I think I am going to buy mine which I will be using anyway in the long run. The family are asleep but I already gave them heads up that I might be recording anytime of the night. Even though dawn for as long as I will be able to record. Also, my best mood is found during the night.
I have actually opened the things I need for video recording. While writing this. I am just excited to share and also at least once in a while I do things ahead of time. if this will drag until the last minutes, well, its okay, at least I have attempted to finish it earlier.
The Microsoft Paint is my bestfriend. It helps me edit and do whatever I want. I just recently discovered the Math Composer and I will be using that for my works as well. I also didn’t expect that the print screen feature of the laptop has brought me a long way. I can capture the screen and edit how I want it.
I don’t know but even though there seem to be a lot of requirements for this particular subject but it feels fun doing all these. And also it is very relevant to the current situation. I also don’t feel like my efforts will be wasted because according to our professor, he will be sending our outputs to the school where we are teaching. Go ahead! I thought. At least these will be usable. Imagine if we do our best to accomplish all these and he will just treat them as submitted relics. That would be unfair to the efforts we put in.
I will try recording in zoom as well. At least we have the annotate feature of the zoom that I could take advantage off. In math, we need to draw a lot and write a lot and talk a lot. It’s hard work you know. There is no romance in there when you discuss math topics especially calculus. I sometimes wish that I’d just be discussing without all the writing and drawing but where would be the fun?
Besides I’m no good expressing myself when topic is opinionated. Math is exact most of the time even if solutions are varying. But still the logic and approach we use can be defended when we explain. I’m not good especially with philosophical debates in words though logic is a branch of philosophy.
I am yet to see how I can speed up writing. I saw my colleague holding something that resembles write pad. I guess I have to buy that for easier discussion when lecturing while recording.
I think I will set a deadline for myself. Dealine before our professors set deadline. In that way I will allocate my time well. We have other activities to do for the other subject and I have to finish whatever I can so I will not be over-stressed when deadlines approach.
Tagpi-tagpi
You may be happy for a moment. But for that moment, it’s possible there were other hidden emotions which you didn’t realize. Which is why life is more complicated than we think it is yet could be simple if we wish to put it that way.
I observed that painters do more work than I used to imagine. They don’t only put one layer of color but more with their tricks that until now I fail to understand. I am not painter. The best I can do is draw another drawing while looking at it. I work best with only pencil and the black and white drawings. I even got some recognition from some of my sisters because turns out they saw the things I drew before that I did out of leisure. There were no android phones before and you will be able to spend your time more on other worthwhile things like drawing and reading. I really admire painters! I don’t wish or fantasize to be one but I really admire them. I am hoping that someday I will be able to purchase a painting that I could put up on the walls of my house that are still undecorated to these days. I don’t care right now because I have other things to do but I also wish for a beautiful home, one with aesthetic value. So I care after all.
When I watch animes, usually, the antagonists show anger, rage, and they go on with thoughts of revenge and other negativities. But when they’re stripped of their masks, they reveal tenderness, love, warmth, longing, love, and so on and so forth. Their histories of hostilities are mostly products of brutalities, abuses, or violence which they experienced when they were younger. So when they are faced with either near defeat or most probable surrender, they will reveal their reasons for being villains.
Life, people…
I noticed I have manic episodes where each episode is followed by anger or sadness. When I am laughing, it could be because I am really happy or I just wanted to cover something hurtful. And when I am angry or sad, either I am just at liberty to be feeling such emotions or I’ve exhausted my manic laughter. Anyway, I hope you aren’t worried about me because of the terminologies. I’ve learned to live with myself and by myself. I am the one who should be more understanding with myself because I understand myself. Enough of self-loathing, self-belittlement, and self-appraisal. So I should be thankful when I laugh and I should write when I am angry or sad. The Lord is good because He has been taking care of my emotions. Many have described my emotions as bipolar but I don’t have to add the word disorder. I don’t have disorder, I just feel extreme emotions with faster transition from one emotion to another than other human beings who are normal. We may say my emotions are abnormal but it doesn’t necessarily mean that I have disorder. But well, I could be wrong and I am just defensive.
It occurred to me that somehow, we experience these dark emotions in order for us to come up with life lessons which may lead us through to longer and healthier lives. Without darkness, we may just evaporate into clouds. So darkness is needed. Different shades of darkness.
And our thoughts are very much more complicated to convey. So sometimes, we need to decide on which thought to let out and support although we may be having contrasting thoughts. But we usually are unwelcome when we support opposite parties all at once. You’ll be judged as ‘no stand’, ‘no firm decision,’ and many more. So it’s best to weigh our words and just shut up if we can’t decide which way to go. Or just go without even thinking. So for those who usually have one mind, how great your life could be? Being a deliberate person sometimes is a pain. But sometimes it’s rewarding. Sorry if after all your deliberations you ended up a loser. But I say, it’s always great to be deliberate. Not sure though, it’s quite complicated.
I wonder why we’ve also come to this point where there are undies, followed by sandos and cyclings, then outer garments. They serve their purpose so it’s nothing to wonder about. So what we should do is put on our sweater because in a short while, it will again become cold even though it was a little hot a short while ago.
Amma noob but amma gettin’ by. Thank you!
I’m still exploring a lot of things when it comes to technology. Currently, I am exploring tools that I can use for video recording of my lessons to be accessed by students. I usually use the Microsoft powerpoint and Zoom to record my video lessons but then I have to explore additional tools in compliance for my requirement in our subject in grad school. That is, we will be looking for tools and present it to class. I would have chosen those two that I am already using but someone has already picked the tools.
Realizations struck me that I am at risk for getting viruses along with the softwares that I will be downloading. So I am looking for reputable sites where I could download softwares, hoping that viruses will not come along with them. I am currently working on figuring out how to use two softwares.
I realized how idle I’ve been when it came to exploring other things apart from those I’ve already been using. I have this motto that while I could use it, I will stick to it. So I settled with Microsoft powerpoint, which I could always use to record my voice and timing on the slides and convert to video format in mp4. Alternatively, I could record my lesson through zoom. Well, I tried exploring other softwares before but I didn’t take the pain to learn them till I had the hang of each of them probably because I wasn’t forced to do so. But now I had to.
I have to admit, I’m a noob. But thanks to all the help I am getting from people around me and videos and lectures I read over the internet. I am getting by!
Actually, I am beginning to enjoy! If only I had all the time… but the best I could do right now is to give a walkthrough for each of the tools that I have selected presenting. I am hopeful that I my internet during the presentation will be stable at least. I hate presenting while my voice is chappy and unclear. I had to do things over and over again!
What is making the life of a student challenging is the citing of references and materials being used. Personally, I had to save every site I visit so that I can cite it later properly and place it under my references. This is one of the ways where we show our gratitude to our sources. Thanks to them we are able to move on with our academic requirements.
I will be making my presentation simple to avoid laggy connection. I will do good with screenshots showing to my classmates what I wanted them to do step by step in order to be able the tool that I am exploring right now. I have already prepared the outline of my presentation and I hope that I will be able to finish the walkthrough before the clock strikes 5 pm tomorrow afternoon. We will still be sending to our professor the pdf file of our presentation. I hope I will do well considering the little amount of time preparing for it. I’m a noob after all. But then again, I am getting by.
The only way of course to learn is to explore nonstop. No matter how you read the guide given on the internet if you do not explore the tool yourself, you will not be able to get the feel on how to use the software. It may be very hard at first but after some time you will be able to learn how to use the tool. Since we were required to present two softwares so I have to have two walkthrough material. Our professor actually gave us the freedom to do the walk through without any more guidelines so that we can assume what we know is best.
So I will just enjoy for now and see what I will be producing later. I am still hoping for a good presentation when the time is due for me to present. It would be embarrassing to stutter while presenting because you will be questioned, how did she ever become a teacher? And this is the reputation we have to take care of. If we wanted long-lived success in this career that we have chosen. But then I hope you forgive how I also present my articles. My, my, writing is also a journey.
For what reason have we bought a washing machine?
I wonder why. I insist sometimes on washing our clothes by hands. Even if they are already piling up. We have a washing machine. And big at that. But I give my reasons. Other people would snigger at me. But I use the spin dry after rinsing the clothes.
Another in the house would use the washing machine to wash clothes. But he insists on not using the spin dry. He also has reasons of his own. I would snigger at him. The feeling is mutual.
I straighten out my mind and so this day, I am using the washing machine. And yes, while washing I am typing. Instead of painstakingly washing all the clothes, I can just use the washing machine and be done with the laundry. I will just rinse the clothes afterwards. And then I would use the spin drier. Hang the clothes and done for the laundry for this week.
Well, I have to remember that I insisted on the family purchasing a washing machine so that I could do more house chores. If not, at least I consume lesser time washing clothes which has been my biggest pain for long now. And also, we needed the machine especially during rainy days. And the temperature is usually cold here. It’s good to spin clothes for easier drying.
All my life, two years ago, I have not used a washing machine. Only a spin dry. Then I requested that we buy one. I delighted using it at first. But upon noticing that it destroys clothes, I began questioning whether it is wise using a washing machine or not. So I would hand wash our laundry. Only if I really needed to make it fast that I use a washing machine. I used to wash with the strong level. But I now choose only either gentle or normal level. And I put a lot of water. The problem is I also have to use a lot of laundry powder. But it’s okay, at least I am saving time and effort.
Neighbors and other family members would come and use the machine if theirs are on repair mode. Good thing that our machine is two years old but still in optimum condition. I have to always be vigilant when others use the spin dry because maybe they do not care enough to fix their clothes on the spin dry basket leaving the machine with unnecessary sound. I have to be the one to remove and put again their clothes just so the machine will be preserved. I had to be frank to one of our neighbor teens who used the spin dry. I told her to fix the clothes so that the machine wouldn’t be destroyed. I saw to it that I wasn’t offensive although I really was mad. That maybe was the reason that their washing machine was destroyed because they didn’t use it with care. They had it repaired and I would hear awful sounds from their machine. Hoping they wouldn’t come again to use ours if theirs will get wrecked again.
Well, I will still hand wash our clothes if I have the luxury of time. But right now, during these days, I have to use the appliance to save me some time for other chores or requirements in school. Undies are usually hand washed and hang immediately without putting them on spin dry. Blankets and bed sheets and pillowcases are automatically thrown into the washing machine. Also comforters. I first spin them even just a minute to remove extra suds before rinsing them.
We do not use a faucet directly to the appliance so we had to manually put water on the washer. Pails and pails of water would be poured on the washer until the volume is sufficient for washing clothes. I usually have three batches per wash. I do not overload the washer because I am afraid of expenses for repairs. If the machine is used with care, then there is no need for extra trips to repair shop.
By this time, I am not set to rinse the clothes. So I will just publish this and remove the clothes from the washer ready for rinsing.
So there, we bought the washing machine for use. And of course, we have to use the appliance with care and gentleness to avoid trips to repair shops or calling repairman to the house. Machines should retire only of old age. If possible.
Don’t run!
Hide at the room. Pretend no one’s inside. No! Cannot be. The child will make a sound. We’ll pretend we’ll sleeping. No time now. The door will open any moment! What’s the problem? Just face them head on! Open the door and welcome the guests.
Come inside! Welcome—
Yes, you may hang your coats there—
It’s okay, I will just clean it up later—
No really, kindly just make yourself comfortable.
Yes, thank you. I will just make you coffee. Creamy latte? Okay, it’s the only thing available. Ah, no. It’s double latte.
Haha! I was trying to evade you and I would have hidden in our room if not for my child who probably will give me away if she cries or makes any sound.
Yes! I’m good. It’s just that I’m a little out of reason.
Well, it’s still a struggle. I just do what I do.
Wow! So you’re having your doctorate? Nice one. But me, I won’t ever enroll again after my program is over. I don’t see the relevance to my career path. I’m already good finishing master’s. Also, I am tired with all these although I may just be saying this right now because yes, I love the academe. Maybe right after grad, I will consider enrolling again. But who knows, maybe I won’t be able to graduate this one. Just real thinking. Knowing myself, I am capable of discontinuing yet again. But out of respect to all those who believed in me and extended their help, I will continue. It’s foolishness not to continue.
I agree with you. No. Ah, yes. Finals is approaching. I hope I will be able to make it. I didn’t know this is the trend. Well, I knew but I forgot. Research in every subject. Though if I were single, I would’ve enjoyed not doing the research and writing more blogs. I mean, I would’ve been prompter in doing what would be required of me.
Hahaha! Who knew you’d be giving me a home visit. I would have run if I knew. Actually I should’ve gone to my siblings uphill and didn’t come back till you were gone.
Haha! Yes, yes, I will do that so don’t ever do home visit again. You won’t be welcome again. I mean, you’re welcome but with other agenda and not this. Haha, okay okay.
Really? Oh… So we’re similar. Just that it took me longer to realize what I should.
Okay, I will listen to what you’ll say…
Hmmm… I will reflect. I will try to come up with my answer. I hope it will not take long. But really, forgive me but I’ve made up my mind. Surely, you won’t force me into something? We’ve got different beliefs in the end… I hope you be understanding enough.
Thank you also for taking the pain to come here—
Don’t forget your coats—
It’s there! Careful!
I will contact you the soonest possible time!
Okay, bye. Have a safe way. Just wait for my message.
What are you smiling for? Well, it’s still genuine. No matter what the circumstances, having others in our home is still a pleasure. We’re like this as described in books… hospitable. True but what about the assignment given to us? Then we’ll just do it. There you go again. You are just like… not sure. I can’t think of any analogy.
But seriously, stop trying to run. Stand and speak your mind clearly. It’s not helping us at all dear self. Noticed it? You’re thinking more of running than accomplishing your requirements. I know I know dear self. Don’t argue with me any longer. You can’t blame me. It’s them who should change their ways. They shouldn’t be intervening unnecessarily. Aren’t they getting tired? But you know full well they’re obeying orders from their superiors. Even though. That’s not a valid excuse. They can always report back the real situation. As if! Look at you! Not facing your real situation. So what’s our real situation? You know best. Do your reflection now and be sure to keep yourself clear not as mud but as new water.
Hi! Welcome to my monologue! Only one is speaking here. Either her thoughts or things said to whom she’s speaking with. She’s talking to herself as if there is two or three of her. Hope you didn’t get annoyed by the flow!
Thanks for reading! I’ll have to give a clearer flow next time that I make something like this.
Till next time. Don’t run!
Sticky Gum
*Caution and disclaimer:* Don’t read if you’re not in good shape. All the following are the personal stance and belief of the author and no one is obliged to believe what she says.
Be careful when disposing your sticky gum. Be kind enough not to spit it out on the way where people walk on and make their way somewhere. Important or not so important. If you were to walk on sticky gum, would you have been happy? Weren’t you distracted and annoyed?
So be careful not to spit your gum out just anywhere. Put a cut of tissue on your hand and get your gum from your mouth, your tongue pushing the gum out to meet the tissue on your lips. Then throw the gum on the waste basket or trash can.
Likewise, be careful in entertaining spiritual people who invade your free will and threaten and give you a lot of uncalled-for conditions. They will use the Holy Spirit to bind you and get you from your comfort zone and throw you in raging waters. They will even let inexperienced one preach over you and confuse you even more. Be careful because they will be sticky.
Once you entertain such people, you’d have to deal with them for the rest of your week, checking on you, disturbing your calm and condemning you when you do not go to their church. They will care more about your welfare than their own. They will not be contented with teaching you good morals. They will criticize and point out others’ mistakes and declare that their practice is perfect.
Be careful when you go out. You might thread on sticky gums or spiritual people. One thing’s for sure. You are comparing sticky gums with spiritual people. Nope, they’re different. Sticky gums are made out of sticky gums. While spiritual people are made out of people. You can’t compare them at all. When you thread on sticky gums, you’ll be able to get rid of it in no time. When you involve yourself with spiritual people, they’ll stick to you but you’ll never get rid of them.
Don’t be a fool, don’t face them head on. For they have a way of cursing your life. Be polite and tell them you’re good. If they don’t buy it be firm and tell them clearly that you have your own congregation.
It is sad how such people prey on others’ conscience to succeed in what they’re doing. Such a pity many are becoming victims of such ploys. They say respect others for you to be respected. But where is respect when they trample on your belief. And even say that they have come from where you’re coming. This is way over the top.
Shield yourself from such people. Pray silently on your chamber and ask for wisdom. You’ll be food for the spirits if you yield every single time. Protect yourself and family. Practice goodness and righteousness and don’t judge others. Don’t interpret your text literally. Reflect and use logic. And you will be saved more.
Hypocrisy is detestable. How can you ask others to change when you or any of your family members are struggling? How can you preach when you don’t understand your own words? When you are not convinced by your own voice? Aren’t we fooling ourselves? How will a cook sew a piece of cloth? Likewise, how will a dressmaker cook? if you can’t cook, don’t cook. if you can’t sew don’t sew. If you can’t speak, don’t speak. If you’re made to sweep then sweep excellently and you will be praised. If you’re made to teach, teach excellently and you will be honored. If you can’t keep a house, don’t resent others. Just do your best and accomplish the minimum and do well where you excel.
Remind yourself to always be on the lookout for sticky gums. If it gets to your shoes, you’ll be distracted and you might be late 30 minutes before your due appointment.
Most of all, don’t mind me for I do not understand this thing that I am saying. It is like I was possessed to write and I do not know why I am using analogy from sticky gums and spiritual people. Don’t be deceived and just be positive about life. Always think on the sunny side. Consider the clouds but know how to enjoy the sun.
Did you know that chewing gums can burn calories? Of course! That goes without saying. Every activity that we make burns calorie/s. even just breathing requires energy. So if you’re planning to reduce weight, consider chewing gums.
Pinilipit
Our testimonies should not be made-up stories.
Someone tells you to testify for something. But you don’t have anything for that something. Experiences were lived not to be made-up. But out of blind obedience, you make up a story and testify. You hypocrite!
But then we can’t judge a person just like that. We all are going through something and sometimes we can’t blame a person for his/her action. But a lie is a lie and we shouldn’t be making up stories just to cover us for the time being. Remember that people do remember and some are even more attentive than we ever imagine. They will investigate and question whether we’ve told the right story or not.
A place where people sometimes testify is the church. I happen to hear exaggerated stories just to get them through the time being. We have to be careful with how we say things. Let’s not talk as if things happened that easily. Even in praying we have to exert a lot of efforts in order to express what we want.
Our lives are real and not fiction. It will not always be smooth. It will not always be trimmed edges. It will not always be ready-made. It will not be always an easy ride. Sharing an event of our lives should not be taken lightly by just weighing it with our words without regard to feelings involved while those things were happening.
To make it more direct, don’t force something out your mouth if it really is not the true story. Don’t wrap it up at the end just to fit what you have in mind.
Don’t make a quiet person talk. If you wish to do so, do it with utmost care. It will take real skill to convince someone to get out of his or her shell. Don’t let an inexperienced person handle such a delicate task. Why then do psychologists learn with years of studying at school? Because things need to be learned. Doing something of sheer determination to be successful is not recommended. Job will be lousy and may make a person worse.
Likewise, don’t insist in making someone, who isn’t willing to study, study. Time is precious for the person to waste. He or she has other interests and its best to leave him or her be. Unwilling people will always be unwilling. Don’t touch them so they won’t get back to you. Again, unless you have a hidden skill to convince or persuade the person.
Even fruits have their time to be picked. You can’t tell a tree to bear fruit if it’s not it’s time to bear fruit. You can’t make a flower bloom if its season hasn’t come. You can’t make someone jump if he/she is not ready or having some injuries. You can’t perform a dance if you haven’t practiced and mastered its steps. Also, you can’t cry if you don’t feel crying. You can’t laugh if you don’t feel laughing. You can’t understand if you still did not understand.
Criticizing blind obedience while teaching blind obedience. Preposterous!
But then again, we can’t just judge so easily. It’s up to us people to exercise our rights, if we ever have such liberties.
Okay, I’ve been talking in riddles… Here’s the thing, you can’t just order someone to do something without the right preparations. There has to be a process. But if it isn’t meant to be done, then it isn’t meant to be done. Meaning that we have to accept that things just happen the way they do. Not accepting truth is also an indication of lack of understanding. Accept the truth. Don’t say otherwise. Unless you have other truths that does not contradict with the former truth. In short, we have what we say as context. Sometimes, things happen basing on the context. Not all that is applicable in one context is applicable to another context. We can’t take meanings literally. It’s hastiness to conclude immediately. More reflections and questionings are needed.
Let me ask you, what if someone orders you to preach to strangers at parks and other places where many people are likely go, what will you do? Will you accept the challenge? Is that even acceptable?
It’s ridiculous… What has happened to our mindset?
Or maybe, I am just the dumb one here and the one who is misunderstanding everything. I may just be the cynic and the unbelieving. Or am I? Didn’t I have a point at least?
Tell me.
Exploring Tools in Creating Materials
Creating documents in Mathematics is never an easy task. You combine text, equation, figure, graphs and tables. I am not the type to explore apps and softwares but with the demand of such combinations, I have to look for ways to make my work easier. Though it never is easy. Hehehehe.
I started encoding equations and graphs during my third year college when we started having projects with graphical outputs. I had no computer back then. No android phone either. Just a phone for call and text so I would go to computer shops near our dormitory. I would spend around 10 to 20 pesos per hour for computer rentals plus amounts for my printing. I’m glad that I was able to discover that saving to email is best in order to preserve work. I didn’t have any flash drive anyway.
I struggled connecting dots using lines on the Microsoft word. I was working on the Robertson-Wegner graph back then and I couldn’t imagine anymore the effort I put in in order to finish my project. It was real effort but I wasn’t even complaining. Maybe because I was enjoying?
Now, a software that I recently encountered is the Math Composer. What I like with it is that you simply insert elements that are either text, equation, graph, figure, or table. After inserting all elements, you can assemble everything to fit your desired outcome. Since I am still new to the software, what I do is use it in combination with Microsoft Paint and Microsoft Word.
I am not here though to give a walk-thru. So you might just want to explore it on your own if you wanted to and if you are a Math teacher. Students can also use it. The obvious difference is the price that you have to pay when using such softwares. You have to purchase the full version. If not, you will have the TRIAL watermark on your paper. Also, the free trial is only 30 days. I’m not sure if there is a forever free version like the Microsoft software.
But working with Microsoft Word is still the basic for me when all else fails. Press the insert button and you’ll have the equation tool. I go pasting figures in Microsoft Paint for faster editing then putting it back to Microsoft Word.
Another app I use is the Geogebra app for graphing geometric figures and also functions and other equations.
It pains me that I don’t research on easier way to do things. What kind of attitude is this? I can just type for tips on how to be saved few minutes and effort. I will be doing just that afterwards. Harhar.
I sometimes resent other teachers because they do not seem to be bothered by these equations and graphs but I guess they have struggles of their own. At least for us, we have more definite steps in doing things. It’s just that we have to be very patient dealing with all the Mathematical thingies. Well, personally that is the reason why I took Math in the first place.
Now the real thing is the document that I am able to produce. It will be converted to pdf format and sent to students or embedded in their learning management system. As always, we have to keep the word file in order to be able to edit in case corrections are detected by any one. Besides, teachers should always back their materials up. Otherwise, we will be spending so much effort recovering what needs to be recovered.
And then there’s the Google drive and all those online repositories for documents. The trick is to explore and discover so as to see what fits your style and what benefits you in the long run.
Aside from the Google drive, I also tried SlideShare and it was awesome. In SlideShare, we are given the option to either publish publicly or privately.
Exploring tools that could help a teacher is a fun thing but we have to always be wary of viruses. This is the most problematic of all especially for me who isn’t regularly updating her antivirus. I don’t know much about the viruses but I think these usually come together with apps that we are downloading as free. So the challenge is to always be vigilant with what we do. With this aspect, it is best to consult with experts. ‘Trusted experts’ by the way (haha!).
ClipClaps and the Wandering Wonderer
I found myself downloading and playing again ClipClaps app. Even though I was only able to earn around 10 dollars in 6 months to 1 year, I still played with it because of the entertainment value it gave me. There are now a lot of new games integrated in the ClipClaps app ever since I last played it.
I used to play the Battle Blocks before but now I find Luckytime easier to spend time on because it does not require focus. These are still games inside ClipClaps. Again, ClipClaps is the only app I play so games I mention are contained in the app. You just have to scratch when playing Luckytime to get some rewards. You have to earn 1000 clap coins in order to have 0.01 dollars. And in one day since I don’t focus on it, it will be nice if I am able to get around 0.10 dollars. But again, I don’t mind since I love the app.
I still hope (haha) that I could win a significant amount on one of its ‘gimmick’ but luck is elusive. Or perhaps it was just programmed by the creators to make it so hard to win anything significant. Which makes them scammy. But scam or not, I still play it. Just, you know, what if I just suddenly win. Then that would be awesome.
Before I was writing here, I used to play this app more often. But after registering here, my time with ClipClaps was significantly reduced. You may find me weird and selective but that is just how I really am.
I think I am one of those who have the most boring lives. I sit and wander through my thoughts. Every task I make, I have to have at least five minutes idle time. Not really idle I think because I wonder. Wondering is not an idle thing. I always have to reflect before anything. I don’t have much apps on my phone. Just my e-wallets, including Bitcoin.com wallet, and my ClipClaps, and few social platforms (facebook only). Occasionally, I would check my twitter and instagram account. I’ve stopped posting regularly on facebook few years back. Just posting once in a while but not too frequently.
Sometimes, it will be my RenLeaf who would use my phone most of the day. And I would scold him for putting a lot of apps on my phone. I would clean it out only to be redownloaded the next he uses my phone.
This is one of the days when I realize that no matter what we tell ourselves about ourselves we will always forget what we said one time. Then remember then forget again. So if I may give a disclaimer that not all things I said before are necessarily in effect nowadays. I just have to accept this reality. And the more I become strict with myself, the more that the other self within myself would rebel. It makes me wonder how many personalities could be contained in just a single soul. Having multi-personalities does not necessarily mean that we have a disorder. It just so happens that we’re interested in a lot of things yet for those like me, chooses to be the most boring version of thyself.
I’m not sure anymore from where I’m coming so I guess I have to recollect my thoughts to write better for the coming days. Forgetfulness is my greatest enemy. Coupled by my not sticking to my plans. Terrible! And so I’m here once again lost in her thoughts. Ah yes, not only once but many times over.
One would see this as a filler article but filler or not, I didn’t copy this and that is much better than copying something from somewhere and claiming it to be yours. At least I’ve put some effort in crafting my title. My poor title!
Perhaps I should get back to reading my forgotten ebooks. And yes, read articles here on this platform. At least they’re readily available. Just a little mobile data is needed to be able to read here. I ask myself, “Remember all those articles you’ve saved? Read them now! The time to read those is now!” If I check my saved articles there are more than 10. This is another procrastination thing because I’ve saved them a month ago but I haven’t read them yet.
And then there’s sleep waving hi to me. I slept late. Or to be more precise, I woke up in between sleep during the previous night. So I will take a nap. Timely because this time is the nap time. A little after lunch. Hehehe.
Trying things out
I went to the vacant lot, observing, catching anything to get me started writing. With my shabby notebook and blotting pen. I was sitting there and my daughter came to accompany me. But she grabbed my notebook and pen then started scribbling. I reluctantly watched her as she gloriously wrote her first pieces. Not too bad, I thought. At least, someone’s writing on something I couldn’t get to write on. I got used so much with my device that writing with a ballpen can’t get things out of my head. We went home before I was able to craft this one.
Caring plants, like succulents and cacti, is not my passion. I tried keeping a plant or two, unfortunately, one died and the other is just ‘surviving.’ I am guilty for purchasing them yet I could not give even just a minute of my time to water and clean them and give them something to eat. Not that I don’t have a plantmanship but maybe at this point, I wanted to allot my time for other hobbies. Like this one, writing. But since my other plant is still surviving, I will try to nurture it as long as I can. I asked the help of other family members. My RenLeaf will be helping me out with my plant. We have other plants, non-ornamental, and I’m glad they’re growing. We have tomatoes, ginger, onion, and papaya. The papaya’s fruits keep falling. We’re observing what’s making them like that.
Like I said, I went to the vacant lot in hope of finding anything to write. But I realized I needed my device because writing with a pen nowadays is a pain. For me. I don’t know with you. It’s good when solving a Math problem because encoding them would be harder. But writing is easier when done on a device. I can even type while sleeping because I’ve memorized my keys. Just the mark on the F and J are what I needed to feel to get me typing.
As of writing time, my laptop is placed just outside our house. I pulled the little chair hidden beneath the table and I sat writing. I just bathed my daughter, who, after writing on my notebook, played along with soil and used it as if it were water. Her face and head were smudged with dirty soil. Also her clothes. But at least I could see that she enjoyed so much. She went to play with our neighbors who are ahead of her by around 3 or 4 years. I have heard them shouting and laughing as if no one around the area was asleep.
I could get back to crocheting mufflers, crocheting cellphone cases or chalecos. I could get back to sewing pouches using old denim pants. Those that do not fit any longer. But I don’t feel the urge to crochet or sew. I could only recall how fulfilling it was finishing anything. Others harbor my handcrafts and I’m alright with it. Before. I believe, not anymore. I realized that I have used up considerable energy and passion into crocheting and sewing that others just harboring my works would be unfair for me. It was okay before but if given the chance that I will produce again, I will have to ask for compensation. Things changed significantly.
My energy is placed nowadays with writing, if hobby is our topic. Or reading. I feel like my time is very much divided if I do things other than writing, reading, and finishing house chores. But I will do something to integrate still sewing and crocheting into my schedule. Or monetize them not to make me feel like I am wasting my time.
With regards to writing poems, I will try again to make unmetered ones although when it comes to poetry, it is hard forcing things out. There were times when verses would pop out while I was at places like the bathroom or the jeepney. If it happened that I had my phone with me, I would type the verses out. Otherwise, they’d have been lost forever.
I recently tried making up stories (in Filipino). I managed three paragraphs. I realized I lack a lot of elements. I will need to have a toddler-free environment before I will be able to manage my short stories. But of course, writing stories really needed a good imagination so as to bring to the reader the exact thing that you wanted to convey. Not just imagination but the right words to describe everything.
Meanwhile, I can free write other things like the one I am writing right now. Or the one that I just finished writing. Teehee!
“Do you want to build a snowman?”
“Come on, let’s go and play! I never see you anymore. Come out the door. It’s like you’ve gone away…”
What I like much about this song is the unending hope of the child, Anna, that someday their friendship with her sister will be restored. She always went to Elsa’s room to invite her to play with her. She was seen repeatedly going to her sister’s room but with no success. She always believed that her sister has had her reason although she insisted on marrying a guy she just met and venting at Elsa for why she wasn’t allowed to marry at her will despite what Elsa did to her all those years. Elsa eventually showed the whole crowd why she has been hiding away in her room. Ana understood at once and she didn’t give up pursuing her ran away sister until they finally managed to save their kingdom. Note that some tricks were done to let Anna forget about how her sister accidentally injured her while they were playing using Elsa’s magical powers involving snow/ice. Which is why she didn’t know why Elsa kept her distance from her for a long time even when their parents died.
In case you were confused by how I related some summary above, watch Frozen, if you’re interested. I’m not promoting anything. Just happened to be listening as my child repeatedly plays the song on Youtube. What I wanted with the song particularly is that we always have to understand each other no matter how seemingly rude another person is. Behind closed doors, behind locked gates, behind people’s indifference, there must be that something that is a reason for such thing.
Until now while I am writing this, I keep hearing the song. Yesterday, my child played Let it go song and now, this. Do you want to build a snowman? Do you? I would have wanted to but I have no way because there is no snow here. Only hail storm!
My daughter would play this song along with Let it to, You’re welcome, and many other Disney songs. But today, she is playing more of the snowman. Probably because Ana started as a child. You can’t deny the cuteness of the child in the movie.
I would get the phone from her so she won’t think that watching is okay even for long periods of time. Her eyes will be destroyed. Meanwhile though, I am letting her watch while I do some chores and write this one.
At this moment, no snow. Is there ever a chance that it will snow in the Philippines? I don’t think there ever will. It is raining right now. What could be built with rain? It’s not snow so there’s nothing built over rain but it will somehow water the plants and give water to the ricefields. This kind of rain I suppose is helpful to farmers. Hoping they could have a good harvest.
I am not sure if there was ever a time that I wished for snow but if ever I have the chance to experience storm, the first that I will be checking out would be the feel when snow is falling. Will it be extremely cold? Will it be a good experience apart from the white thing falling? Because if it will be extremely cold, honestly I would just be contented with the temperature we have here in the Philippines particularly here in Baguio. It may be cold here but a sweater and long pants will already save us from chills. Double jacket during ber-days and January and February.
I just read about avalanche somewhere and I don’t want to imagine how it could be. Good that it could somehow be predicted when it would come. Honestly though, I feel interested sometimes in these things even just reading about them. Not necessarily experiencing them.
I want to build a snowman if given the chance to go to other countries. But the chance of that happening given my current circumstances is close to zero… I am not willing to go the length of going abroad as I am satisfied where I am. So reading and imagining would suffice right now.
I wonder what song I would hear next after my daughter’s hears enough snowman. I’ll try to change it to A B C songs or wheels on the bus or twinkle twinkle. But we do sing those songs before we sleep. It will be much better if they play educational songs as well.
Let it go… Let it go…
Can’t hold it back anymore… Let it go… Let it go… Turn away and slam the door! I don't care what they're going to say. Let the storm rage on… The cold never bothered me anyway… (Did I sing it right? Sorry, no voice clip for now.)
Yes, yes, yes, I have to let go of all these toys scattered around the house. They’re no longer good anyway and I have to tidy things up for safety’s sake. I slipped on one toy and I can’t risk slipping again on another. I screamed of the pain it brought up my thighs. So I have to throw these toys away and just segregate those that can be doled out or retained for the children.
Likewise with my old habits that are not giving me anything good, I have to let them go. There’s no time to waste and I also have kids to attend to.
I think about focusing on necessary things. I just don’t sit and relax. If I do sit and relax, it will be because I wanted to be more productive. But other than that, I use my time productively even if not for house works. Maybe for reading. For writing. For checking students’ outputs, and so on.
Years ago, I’ve been the unproductive type. I would sit on my desk pretending to work but actually I don’t do anything. I imagine more than I acted. But I also realized that fantasizing things are helpful in planning the future. How we’ll be and what we are going to do given circumstances. So even fantasizing is a part of the plan? Oh yes, it is. I believe so. So it goes to say, nothing’s ever wasted.
If we know how to appreciate, all that is to life would be lessons learned. If not, income gained.
What I did mostly, say about three years back, was watch animes and movies and series. I may not have gained a profit but I wouldn’t say my time was wasted because even if story lines are not perfect and realistic, they somehow give us ideas about things that are happening in the world. Also, stories give us lessons about other nationalities.
I learned a lot from the Korean novelas that I’ve been watching before. I just had to tell myself that those were not necessarily true and applicable to life. But it gave me ideas about a lot of processes. Example would be, how they use a utensil. Because I don’t really search on how to use this and that on YouTube. But if I see something on the movie I was watching then at least I was a little educated. Anyway, I had to let go of such things to give way to other hobbies and to focus more on my job.
I have forgotten about almost everything that I have promised myself. Each day was like that. I didn’t forget but I forgot what I promised the world. What I wrote on my blog, what I told my husband, or my friend, or my colleague. But one thing remains the same, I will always remember that each day is an opportunity to let go of the past and start anew. I do not know what has happened to my brain. I used to write everything. But I’ve been tearing pages and burning them. Telling myself to let go and just make a new page. Buy a new ordinary notebook then write a better list of things. I still can’t explain how I do things but somehow, in letting go, I’m becoming a better version of myself. I hope for that at least.
I told my children to keep their toys the moment they’re done playing so that they would be called responsible youth of their generation. I’m just not sure whether they get what I mean but I always pray that they will get what I mean.
At this point, they may not yet understand the point of letting go but in time they will be able to get a hint of what that thing is. So happens that my daughter has been playing the Frozen song on YouTube which gave me this writing prompt. Yep, I also watch Disney movies. They’re wholesome on my opinion and interesting and cute, most of the time.
And now I sing… (Sabayan niyo po ako.)
“Let it go, let it go
Can't hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn away and slam the door
I don't care what they're going to say
Let the storm rage on
The cold never bothered me anyway”
Lyrics Source: https://genius.com/Idina-menzel-let-it-go-lyrics
Photo from Unsplash
Review
I once wrote the following:
“Come rain, and carry me away. Away from this mess that I have created. Bring me to the waters, where ocean meets the sky. Then I will swim forever, and there’ll be no goodbye.” (Title: JUST WHAT MY MIND TOLD ME DURING THIS RAIN)
It was written during one of the toughest times in my life. I just wanted to go away. Or wake up as if nothing ever happened. I just wanted to get away from all my problems. But my easiest escape back then was composing and writing remorseful lines. It wasn’t bad. I even felt proud of some of them, those that I wrote. Thinking back, I wanted to add more to my poems. But I decided to talk about things instead.
Yes, those were the times I’ve been very discreet with my problems. I acted as if I was okay but in reality, no. So I resorted to coding my words and speaking in vagueness.
I realized that no matter how hard, it is always best to talk about problems with family members or with the partner at least, before the problems escalate to almost unsolvable ones. We just have to fortify ourselves when telling our problems because initial reactions are sometimes unexpected. Lucky if people are calm but what if not?
I also wrote this before:
“Don't let it out just yet. Don't let it out hastily. Lay the groundwork, gather the nest. In preparing your haven is safe. And don't be deceived. It will not always mean peace. People are evil, they are jealous. They are violent, loud and unbelieving. As it may come out like a storm, you have to fortify your surroundings before deciding for some blow. Choose your method, don't be some fool. Don't make a fun out of yourself. Be tactful and wise. Don't hurt yourself. Pray before anything else. In praying, all the best will come to you. But in the end, truth will set you free.” (Title: TRUTH: UNMETERED)
It was like a warning for myself. But I think I also based it on my previous experiences. I don’t know, the person whom I wanted to tell the truth to is not open-minded. And I’d rather keep things as secret than confide in the person. Anyway, things changed a lot nowadays and I am more open than before. We’ve undergone a lot of processes that we became more matured. Things would go ugly from time to time but we are growing year after year. We learn our lessons. We learn from past mistakes.
I find it essential to go back to how things were so I may be able to learn from all that has happened. Hurtful moments will pop out. But there were also good times, happy times. It’s inevitable not to recall the emotions involved back then. But I have to be fair and feel those again if needed. It’s a chance to test my resiliency.
I was glad that I did not spend unnecessarily this morning when I went somewhere. I ate at home. I was able to have the remaining ham, three pieces. I ate with soy sauce and that was more than enough.
Yes, that was one of the things I learned. To delay gratification. If I will be honest, these days are survival days. One wrong turn and I will mess up my plan. So I will endure the hardships while looking forward to better days.
Still habits before are still habits now. I still find myself eating burger somewhere if I forget about my resolve. But I will forgive myself immediately and enjoy the burger meanwhile. Then promise to do better. It is within my plan now to only buy necessary things. We have sacks of rice at home and I will do well with those. Not so much first for eat-outs and the like. We will have bread still but that is the minimum. No pizza yet, no coke, no nothings. Soon. Or better yet, we shouldn’t be thinking anymore about those so that in the long run, we’ll save those pennies for more important things. Once in a while would be enough but please, not frequently.
Life teaches us to be wise. It’s up to us if we learn or not. Before we were fools, now we’re wiser than we were. Before, we take things for granted. Now, we appreciate what we have. We use what we have and strive for what we don’t have.
Note: The pieces JUST WHAT MY MIND TOLD ME DURING THIS RAIN and TRUTH: UNMETERED were published on my blogs before. I have them in private now and I have not published them again.
Infinity
Sitting in an upright position. Hands on laptop. Eyes on the blank Microsoft word. The | is blinking. I don’t have anything to write. Or a lot. I needed to do some writing exercise. I’ve challenged myself to always take it and there should be no excuses. Try to observe the floor. The mess. The backyard. The trees. The air. Has anything changed since last week? Any progress about your endeavor? What have you eaten last night that made your stomach churn? What did your kid tell you that is very funny you could cry? And so on…
We can never be drained with writing topics and all we have to do is gather the courage and discipline to share it/them to the world. That is of course if you are already up for blogging or writing tasks. The world has abundant topics if we know where to look. You can never exhaust the things that you can write on. A lot of chapters. A lot of units. I still have that something to fulfill about writing stories but I have not done so yet. I will do it. Not now maybe but another time.
For today, I would just like to talk about writing. Or whatever. There is this thing where we are in the mood to write but the composition doesn’t go along with our mood. No matter how we turn and jump and think, we can’t put something on paper or on our device. But there has to be something that could be written while we organize other articles. The making. The back of the curtain. The process. We can also free write about what we are doing. Or what we are not doing.
Life isn’t always smooth as we wanted it to be. It will be smooth if we do something for it. We plan, we buff, we go over things, we sit back and relax, and do what we can while we can. But the possibilities of things are endless. Think think think. I’m in a good mood today just because I’ve crossed something off my list. Yet I can’t brag just yet because I have a long long way to go. I shouldn’t be rejoicing because I just did barely 10% of my goals. I have to take it on all the way till it gets done.
If there is something that I learned from Math, it is the concept of infinity, indeterminate, asymptotic, and undefined. You know, these things happen in the equations that we deal with. There are times when we can do something about it to make things defined, to make things definite, and to do away with infinity. But sometimes things just go the way they go. There are a lot of concepts that can’t be explained yet with our current knowledge. But we go on despite everything and we discover.
One of the requirements that we do in order to graduate is to have thesis. We have to contribute something into the knowledge ecosystem before we leave the academe. I used to dread thesis but I have come to terms to the idea that so that I have had something to leave to the next generation. So I am inspired to do my best in the next months. Hoping I won’t be disheartened by circumstances along the way. Positive lang! I still have about 3 months to prepare myself for the emotional, physical, or psychological impact that it may bring me. If others can, why can’t I? right?
The sky is now dark and the rain is coming. Most probably it will rain. The indications are dark sky and melancholy weather. I’ve heard from a song before that there is always rainbow after the rain. This is very inspiring for me though we don’t always see a rainbow after rain. But it means that in every trial there is the hope that everything will be alright. Someday, somehow, our problems will be resolved. Not in an instant but it will come to a resolution. So we have to hold on always. We have to stay positive.
There are unlimited ways to do things and it is always easier said than done but it remains that we have a lot of ways to do things, discover life, and process knowledge.
In whatever form or way or method that you choose, God be with you always!
*My sponsorship is not cooperating with me. I was sending sponsorships a while back but I have been successful only with two people. I will try again later or tonight when I am done with house chores.*
Not now for poetry…
I still remember how wired my brain was in creating poetry. I would create one line, two lines, three lines, until it would become a poetry. And yes, I do everything to make rhymes and I would measure my lines so it would adhere to the number of syllables needed. Sometimes, I would seek the help of online dictionaries to look for synonyms that would fit my poem. But amazingly most of the times before, I would just have rhymes ready from my silly brain.
That I did before. Before… Now, I wonder why no more. What happened to my brain? What happened to my feelings? Is it because I’m being saturated by the problems of an adult. Isn’t this a period that I should all the more be invited to make poetry? Am I not inlove? Maybe not…
It’s true, there was a time that I would make silly proses and quips that could be polished to become poems. Not a novel maybe but poem! I got compliments from people. Commenters would say ‘makata ka na pala.’ (You’re now a poet.) I would feel as if they’re smirking at their backs but then even so they said it so. So I guess it’s true even just 10 percent.
Sadly though, I erased those on my Facebook wall when I was going through crisis. Just because I felt like venting frustrations and ranting on Facebook have been too much for my audiences. Included there were my proses and quips and short poems and whatever I’ve been composing on my mind. If only I didn’t remove all those then I would be sharing them here. Anyway, let me just try giving you something tonight…
“Here in the dark… Waiting for time to drag me into the light. You, whom I've been waiting for has become a variable, not a constant. I'm beginning to enjoy life on what it brings... Different days, different terms, different years... People. Me.”
Well, the above was what I have memorized because I repeatedly used it as a caption either for my display picture or cover photo. I bet, it still is a caption for one of my profile pic on one of my Facebook accounts.
The other silly proses but sweet and papansin, they were deleted. They were short liners but I felt they were good and full of emotions. I would post randomly and frequently. It irritated many of my friends. Or maybe this is just me. Some of the things I wrote were out of my context which was why some of my close friends got alarmed, messaging me pronto. I would just reply, “Wala yon. Drama lang.” But they wouldn’t understand what was happening. It was true that I was just creating dramas for myself just so I could live on writing something. But I eventually stopped just because I felt out of place. I tried writing some in my blogs but I am just too shy to share the link. Besides, the hosting expired and I just downloaded my cpanel which will serve as my backup when I restart another blog. I’ll do well with this platform for now.
It’s okay for me not to be able to create a poem right now but I know there will come a time that I will be composing again. Just maybe, I lost touch to my poet self when I started having a lot of side hustles. Or it must be some side effect of this pandemic. Who knows…
I also don’t read much novels or poetry nowadays. I think I planned and promised myself to start reading again but I am settling for articles I could read here. Also to be able to interact with others. But I rarely comment nowadays. My engagements have been significantly reduced. Vacation is fast approaching. I will try to engage more during that time.
**Well, well, well, if you’re one who’s still apt for poetry, mind sharing yours in the comment? If not, write an article about your poetry. Kindly tag me then.**
*I’ll start renewing sponsorships once vacation sets in. I’m looking for authors to sponsor. If you wish for my sponsorship, feel free to comment down. And of course, I’ll be glad to be sponsored by you. I guess I should say a little apology for the lack of engagements during the time I was busy.*
Thanks much for those who continued to comment on my articles even though I don’t comment a lot on others’ articles. See you when I see you…
If you’re happy and you know it…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mHLLclRQ10o&t=3342s
To make my time worth with my child (though it’s always worth it when you spend it with your children), I make the most out of it by doing what I can with whatever activity we are doing. Like now that my child is watching nursery rhymes from YouTube, we dance along and it serves as my exercise. Geez… I need all the exercise I can do. Even just this simple movements of swaying, raising hands and stomping feet would be helpful.
“If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands (2x). If you’re happy and you know it then your face will surely show it if you’re happy and you know it clap your hands.”
Repeat the above but change the ‘clap your hands’ with ‘stomp your feet’ then ‘shout hurray’. This is the version that I’ve known since childhood but so many other versions have been produced and streamed via YouTube.
I vary my movements and my voice so that the kid will be entertained. And I do a lot of funny things with my head and facial expressions. And I mimic that of a child. My child would giggle and have fun. She also attempts to mimic my movements and facial expressions. My other children would join us if they see the enjoyment.
Honestly, it was only recently that I began enjoying playing with the kids. Usually years ago, it was my husband who would play nonstop with the kids. But now, it is I who play with them. And wow! I am enjoying! Also, I like kissing my children and hugging them and doing all kinds of silly things to them.
Sometimes, one of the kids would cry and I tickle them even more. Then they would laugh and we would all laugh.
When I have important things to do (or it is best term to say, rush), I let my eldest play with my youngest so they will not bother me. They go to the neighbors and to the nearby playmates. After sometime they would come and when I am not done yet, I first let my youngest sleep then I continue with my task.
In the afternoon when I would take a break, we play again. Or go outside to rest our eyes. In the evening, I do away with the gadgets and I sing songs to my youngest just outside the house. “Twinkle twinkle little star… how I wonder what you are.”
I am amazed that my youngest already knows how to speak and even sing. “If yo api en u kno it cap yo hands…” With just some missed words and pronunciation. But at two, I bet this is already good. She also knows how to converse with others and she responds to questions with the right answers.
I hope that all parents will engage with their children and enjoy the parenthood. It would seem a disturbance but it isn’t because it’s very fulfilling. At the end of the day, you would feel good. You would feel happy because at the very least you have done something for your children.
Maybe, that is one perk of the pandemic. But of course, it is best if there is no pandemic at all but we still find time to play and be happy with our children.
Maybe next time, we don’t have to wait for any pandemic to happen in order for us to have good time with the beautiful kids of ours.
One thing I realized is that when you play with your child, you lessen the time that they hold their gadgets. And sometimes they would have a contented face and not look for gadget anymore when they feel happy with the attention. Well, they will still demand to play with cellphones but the time will be significantly reduced. I am trying my best to tell my sons that playing with the current games they have downloaded is dangerous if they aren’t guided. I monitor the games they play because who knows what apps they download. I encourage them to play instead with educational games or watch educational video clips. They watch aside from playing but what they watch on youtube are sometimes rated ___.
It’s quite a challenge, right? And with the demands of our responsibilities as adults we sometimes feel guilty of not guiding our young children.
Hope we all have a fruitful parenting. Good luck to all of us!
Writing while my child is on my lap,
FrieLincs
@FrieLincs
