I am not afraid of you leaving me. For then, I will have to write sad poetries again, covering the pain that I feel with words that will make people fear love.
I am afraid, however, to leave you,
because by then, where will I go after that?
I will forever carry regret as I go to places we never went and skip the route we used to take. I will hate coffee with the same intensity as my love for it, and maybe even starve myself than go to the restaurants we ticked off from our checklist. I will certainly be lost in the world I once was grazing on my own. I will be drowned by questions from our friends about what went wrong and somebody has to be on the bad side.
And, no. You will never be the bad one. I will forever carry the blame because no matter how much I write about destiny tearing us apart, it was me. It was not destiny, not about you, but me.
The moment I turned my back on you, I know that I will have to relearn how to walk the familiar streets with melancholia and nostalgia stuck in my throat. I will have to relearn how to do things alone with all the strength and independence that I have mastered through the years—but I have set aside when you came into my life. I will have to relearn how to live alone and be okay with that because I chose the lonely road.
I will have no right to write about how wonderful you are because who in their right mind would push you away? I will never find the courage to write again about the pain this has brought me because you gave nothing but love and I was just stupid to choose pain. I will have no face to write about asking you for another chance because it was me who took it for granted.
So, before my fears of being the one left behind consume me and I turn my back on you, leave me. Please be the one to let go for I can deal with pain far more better than regret; and you will never regret leaving a broken girl like me.