Have you ever had a desire to do or achieve something, but at the same time you always put it off and never did it? The desire is there, but there is no attempt to start moving because something feels like it is holding you back. You don't know what the problem is and you can't solve it. You then feel worthless because you can't achieve what you want, and you end up blaming the situation for making it difficult.

You feel that you are a victim of circumstances. If that's the case, the problem is not from outside, but from within. Such a phenomenon can be explained through the lens of Psychology and is commonly referred to as self-sabotage.

What is self-sabotage?

Behavior hinders one's own efforts or success unconsciously for a variety of reasons. It's easier, that is when you want to do something, but at the same time you are also blocking yourself from doing it and looking for reasons that justify why you don't do it.

The human brain has a tendency to find reasons to justify the behavior that makes us comfortable. That's what makes us tend to prefer to stay silent and be in our comfort zone. We are always looking for reasons why we are not moving and trying to justify it, not trying to find a solution so we can start moving. Confused right? But this is real.

Self-sabotage can occur because we are trapped in the mindset of 'Yes, but'. This kind of mindset makes us often think about what we want to aim for, but at the same time, we create other things that are contrary to our goals. This is what makes a person trapped.

Some examples that we can meet in everyday life:

I want to live a healthy life, but why bother?

I want to jog, but lazy to wake up in the morning

I want to be fluent in a foreign language, but I don't feel confident speaking

I want to meet new people, but I'm afraid it'll be awkward

But, but and but continues until we end up not doing what we really want. Do you know why? Because sentences before words always lose their importance, as if they are useless.

You're cute, but you're not good

From the sentence above, the word 'cute' seems to have lost its importance. What if the sentence was reversed like this?

You're good, but not cute

Just the same. The word 'good' seems to be useless and the word 'cute' seems to be more important than his good qualities.

Then, what is the solution?

The simplest way you can try is to change your mindset from 'Yes, but' to 'Yes, so' aka 'Yes, so…' This will help you to see your goals and steps to be taken more clearly. Examples like this:

I want to live a healthy life, so I have to take care of my diet, sleep, and exercise routine

I want to jog, so tomorrow I have to get up early

I want to be fluent in foreign languages, so I have to study hard and practice speaking

I want to meet new people, so I have to be confident

How about it, so it sounds better right? You can try changing your mindset starting today and feel the difference. It's not easy, but you can do it if you get used to it. A change takes a process and nothing is instant. But if you keep trying little by little, every day, the changes will gladly welcome you later.