Wouldn't it be amazing to be old and still feel strongly for the same person, the way you did when you were young, that is, the love kept waxing stronger over time.
There are so many red flags in relationships that people usually ignore, and these red flags stops us from building a better life for ourselves. The red flag here can be likened to a traffic sign, where red means 'Stop'. I define a red flag as any attitude, behaviour or action that is being taken by any party in a relationship, that may lead to the imminent end of that relationship. Red flags are simply signs that should not be ignored but handled as soon as possible if you want your relationship to be great.
I came across a picture of popular actor Olu Jacobs and his wife Joke silva, the famous actor was diagnosed with dementia, a sickness that causes memory loss, so he couldn't recognize his wife joke silva, but she was fawning all over him like they just met. That picture was what inspired this article, it made me think to myself, what do I have to do to still be this in love when I grow old. If she was not in love with him do you think there would still be a them as a situation like that struck.
Be at alert in order to have a long lasting romantic relationship that works not just simply to endure, I found out that endurance is a common thing in relationships these days, because people are concerned about what other people would say, they are concerned about the effort and time they have spent In the relationship that would go to waste eventually, they are scared of being alone, they will be like what If I don't find any better person, they are concerned about their welfare, how will I cope with my finances if I leave this relationship, because the relationship is a burden lifter to them. Due to all these and more people endure so many things they shouldn't on a normal in a relationship. It's OK to like someone, it's OK to be attracted to someone, it's OK to want someone to love you and need you the way you do them, just make sure not to do these things at your own detriment. Don't overlook the red flags because of these emotions and feelings and because of the fear of being alone. One of the things to watch out for is the communication style. when someone is attracted to you and cares about you, communication would not be forced, it flows easily, if you are the party that always calls and initiate the conversations, find a way to fix it, if you can't fix it carry your things make you Japa, that relationship would be boring for you, person wen like you body suppose deh itch am to hear from you, excuses like I'm always busy na scam.
Another thing is motivation, if you are not motivated to keep the relationship you will definitely run out of ideas to make it spicy and more enjoyable. How you go deh relationship deh shook eye for anoda person own. Seriously this habit is very common in most relationships, all they think about is to copy one activity they like or have seen another couple doing, forgetting that it might not work for them, Know what works for you and do it, copying may only make your relationship seem great but won't actually be.
Laziness, this tenent has made people question themselves at certain point in time if they are still in a relationship or not. You are in a relationship but you aren't feeling the energy, to do something for the other party is difficult, to call sometimes is difficult, one party receives all the pampering while the other one na jackey. The energy and passion in a relationship is meant to be reciprocated, so if you have to remind your partner to do things for you, e nor better to just waka comot.
Another aspect deals with obsessiveness, possessiveness, jealousy. These common tenets are usually seen as showing love or care, it may be projected as love or care, but some people deh overdo am. Some jealous possesive lovers do things to make sure their lover doesn't earn more than they do, I mean if you care and love a person, you would want to see their growth, you are not in a competition with them, their win should be your win. If your partner tells you to stop a business or your job simply because you earn more than they do, you nor need soothsayer to tell you make you find your way, such persons can only limit your growth, you nor be property na, you are a living breathing creature, so why allow yourself be manipulated as one.
The last one I'll highlight on is abuse, this one deh make relationship go sour, be it physical abuse, emotional abuse, derogatory remarks, slander. This one can be carried out by either party, it is not gender based. If it has gotten to the point where if your partner angers you and you raise your hands on them, or use an object on them, abeg e nor get wetin una wan fix, help yourselves and end the relationship, especially if you are not a married couple. Then if you play mind games on them just to hurt their emotions or catch fun, or you insult them and vice versa, it's an abuse. The mind games might seem harmless but on the long run it usually escalate into something else.
I came across a case yesterday where a woman filed for divorce because since she got married her husband has never slept with her, she endured that marriage for 5 good years before taking the bold step to file for a divorce. Anytime she tries to have sex with the man, it leads to quarrel, she has no kids, she is just there in the marriage as if she is serving punishment, she has no idea why the man has refused to sleep with her, she was asked if the manhood gets up she said yes, it does every morning, she was asked if she smells down there, she said no that she is clean. The man left the house for six months and didn't speak to her before she realizes what she was into. She probably saw the signs during courtship and ignored it, because I don't see how she was unable to get the reason for their inactive sexual life for 5 long years. Imagine the torture and abuse she went through.
Another case was a woman with four kids, after marriage the man impregnated her and travelled out of the country, he abandoned her and her unborn child until she gave birth, then he came back, do small drama as if him na father figure, impregnated her the 2nd time, abandoned them again, came back after she gave birth and apologized to her with a car, told her he will start taking care of them, shortly after he impregnated her with the 3rd child as per sharp shooter wen him be. After doing family meetings with the in-Laws he abandoned them again, no care, no love, no money for sustenance, she was just a baby making machine, and she still did not wise up. Long story short she got pregnant the fourth time before her eyes clear and she filed for a divorce. The man never loved her but because of family pressure and money they got married. Imagine the long years of hardship and pain, it is better to avoid all these circumstances than suffer from them.
The list is long, Just be smart enough to read the signs, that way you will be able to spot and correct anomalies in your relationship. Long lasting relationships is the goal, but do not do so at your own detriment and your peace of mind, If you do the one wen your power reach and the relationship still nor deh progress, it is not meant for you, take a walk and keep your sanity. Peace of mind is said to promote Good and healthy living. help reduce the divorce rate in the world in your own little way, Thank you.
Photo credit: Visuals