When I was in my young age not to mention, when I was 6 years old. Well, I started to think about negative emotions since at my young age my parents separated and I saw how they fight to each other, even my father would hurt my mother in front of my eyes. That's when the time I think "why are you like this? at my young age you separated my parents, when this is the time I needed them the most."
At school, evey family day, events, sports day etc. All the school's events that includes family, they're always busy. Fighting to each other who could attend my event at school. I was always lost and sad that at my young age I suffer this kind of thing, that at my young age I saw how cruel and unfair the world is. I have no time on playing, because I am busy doing my own assignments without any help from them. I envy children who plays outside. My tears won't stop shredding as I prayed that someday, someone will be here with me.
Time pass by, I graduated highschool, started to fall in love and as expected it failed. Got depressed again and again a feeling that is being reversed again, because I thought that he'll be right here with me and spoiled me love that none of my parents gave me. But then again, I failed. I despise God, and all of the people that I feel that they are just being a friend because they need something. I got to the point where I despise everything, I regret to be here in this world full of fakes and toxics.
July 3, 2018 I woked up feeling so dizzy, I feel like vomitting over and over again. Until I realized my period is so late. I was so nervous, I decided to take a pregnancy test and it's positive! I feel so nervous and I told my ex boyfriend that I am pregnant, ofcourse my ex boyfriend didn't show up. I ended depressed I felt like I wanna hanged up myself. Weeks passed by I felt an intense pain in my tummy and I bleed. There were blood with a small flesh. Ofcourse my parents didn't know about this. Ifeel so sad and guilty for what I have done to myself for not eating to much and thinking so much. I felt guilty, bad and everything that a murderer does. I felt useless and so stupid.
Fast forward, at exact 9 months passed by. My mom gave me an angel, a four legged angel, a Puppy. At that time he filled all the love and care that I need. He's always there for me, wiggled his tale as I arrived home from school (I was at my college years). My four-legged angel would always watch and would play for me everytume when he feels like I'm sad and depress, he is always there for me. Sometimes when I cry in my room, he would always licked my tears and hug me. At my darkest side my angel would always come and to me and bring the light of my darkest hours. At that moment, I felt like he is my guardian angel sent from my unborn baby and God. I thanked and prayed always for my unborn baby that he sent me a guardian, but also an agel to stays with me with all his love and care.
July 23, 2020
Author: Aden Faye Mansueto
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