Understanding our internal boundaries

Boundaries are usually spoken of as an important component of interpersonal relationships. The importance of this issue also stems from the fact that our internal borders are usually ignored.

Our internal, personal boundaries are the standards that we adhere to ourselves. These are the limits, rules and expectations that we impose on ourselves, our life and behavior in order to create the kind of life that we want to live.

Although borders are often associated with the phrases «say no», «draw a line» or «set a limit», setting boundaries also creates space, energy and time for us to say «yes!» to what is most important to us. Although sometimes it is necessary to declare our internal boundaries to other people, they can also be completely personal and individual.

Internal boundaries can take various forms and be associated with all aspects of life. They are rooted in our values and the living conditions that we want to create for ourselves. In this article, we will look at several common areas in which the creation of internal boundaries can have a profound positive impact on the quality of life.

Health-related boundaries

Internal boundaries related to well—being are the standards that we set for ourselves in terms of physical and mental health. For example, determining bedtime is a way to maintain our health by making sure we get enough sleep every night.

The obligation to attend psychotherapy, go to a doctor's appointment, eat right and take care of your body are also significant internal boundaries that we can maintain.

Sometimes these internal attitudes are associated with giving up certain activities [for example, watching a late-night TV show], but in the long run they help us maintain or improve the quality of life.

Financial and material boundaries

These internal boundaries are related to how we take care of our finances, home and other material realities of our life.

Maybe we commit to saving a little more money every month so that we have a reserve for difficult times.

Maybe we commit not to lend large sums to other people or make monthly donations to charities that are important to us.

We may want to commit ourselves to regularly servicing our car or keeping the house clean, which will help us relax and feel confident in everyday affairs.

Time limits

The way we use our time can have significant consequences for our lives, so a thoughtful attitude to how we decide to use our time is very important. We may want to think about how many hours a day or week we spend in certain classes or with certain people, and look for areas of our life where we can create new rules and standards that will be more favorable.

For example, we may decide to stop watching TV in the evening in order to have time to prepare for the next working day. When you are very busy and someone asks for another meeting, you can save the time limits by asking to schedule an appointment for another time when you are free.

These boundaries also intersect with others. For example, you may want to keep your house clean, but at the same time set a limit on the number of hours you spend on cleaning per month so that you have time for other important things.

Interpersonal boundaries

Most articles about boundaries focus on interpersonal boundaries, but the discussion tends to focus on teaching people how to be confident and set limits. In this case, the goal is to spend some time thinking about what is most important to you in a relationship at a fundamental level.

Think about your standards, how you want to be treated in a relationship, what kind of friendship format brings satisfaction, and what qualities you pay attention to when checking relationships. Also think about how you want to express yourself in a relationship and what you can offer [or what you can't].

The more clearly we define our standards, the easier it will be for us to navigate and find people who meet these needs and preferences and can respect our borders. For example, you may be a single parent and have a limited amount of time per month to devote to dating.

Another internal boundary may be related to how you prioritize and balance between relationships and career. Knowing these boundaries in advance will help you understand what kind of relationships you should strive for, how to correct your behavior, and sometimes discuss it with other people in your life.

The more time we spend exploring our inner boundaries, the better we will be able to create the life we want. Too often we ignore this area of life and then find ourselves in crisis after spending too much time in a situation that violates our boundaries. Understanding our internal boundaries is really an area where prevention is better than treatment.

Don't be lazy to think on your own about what internal boundaries you want to maintain in your life.

Internal boundaries are the standards and values that we set for our lives. Significant boundaries include health-related, financial and material, temporary and interpersonal. The boundaries we set for ourselves help us create the life we want.