That is a question that I've been asking myself ever since I was younger, and up to now I still don't know when to stop. I got that trait of helping others from my mom. My brothers and I grew up seeing my mom help her siblings, and not just her siblings but the whole family of her siblings. Honestly, I didn't understand before why does she need to help them when they have their own family. Why does she need to help send my cousins to school? Why do I have to share my old clothes with them? Why do I have to share my snacks with them? Those are a few of my questions when I was younger.
I didn't ask those questions because I don't want to share anything with them. I guess it's because I was young then and didn't understand how the world revolves around each other's life.
So why do we help?
Is it because the world needs it? Is it because the other is not lucky enough to have everything? Or is it because the other lacks the initiative to do well and provide for his own?
I only understand why my mom helped her siblings when she left us here for good. When it is time for her to travel alone. When I was left with my siblings.
I got two brothers, the other one can provide for his family while the other one needs support. As I, being the youngest in the family and single, I support the family of my brother who needs help. He is separated from his partner and left with four kids. So yes, it means he really needs help to raise his family of four. He was working before in a call center but have to stop because of his health problems. So I was left with no choice but to help provide for them. That's the time that I fully understand my mom. You cannot ignore a brother who doesn't have everything. You cannot ignore or say no when your niece or nephew asked you for your help. You will not be comfortable eating good food while wondering what are they having. Until I ended up providing everything for them. From his hospital bills, medicines, school requirements, and their daily needs.
That's why that question came up to me. Until when do we have to help? Don't get me wrong, It's not that I don't want to help. It's just that I want to know, until when we should help. Does helping have a time period? Or, you just help as long as you can? How can you know if helping is doing them well or if your helping is making them rely on you? Does helping others really help them in their way of living or we just teach them to be bum.
There is this bible verse "Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime."
This phrase gives me another question. Do we really help a man live or we just fed him for a day? When are we gonna learn to teach the people around us to fish for themselves so they don't need to rely on other people? When are we gonna stop teaching people to be lazy? When are we gonna stop letting people just rely on the help that they expect to receive from their family?
Unfortunately, it is the culture of Filipinos to take care of family. And as noble as it is, this is also precisely the reason why many do not know how to stand on their own. It is the thought that you can lean on family, that they are more likely to support you, than turn their back on you. So when does it end? When your heart and head agree that it is time to stop and let them be.