A day in my life..

May 5, 2019, That was the date when my greatest fear happened to me. A day that i thought will never happened that soon. It was the day that my world was shattered into pieces.

May 4, 2019, Saturday noon time, i went home to have my lunch at home since the review class where I'm enrolled is only 10 minutes away from me. When i saw my mom she asked me if i still have a class tomorrow and what time it will. So i asked her why is she asking me, she replied me with "i may not see you anymore" so, i asked back why and where is she going. Told her and convinced her that i will still see her later since I'm not going back to my apartment and that I'll in our house. After having lunch i went back to my class which is until 4pm.

May 4, 2019, 8:00pm my mom called me because she says that we need to bring my brother to the emergency room because he is having chest pain but since i have some homework to do she told me to just stay at home which I did. After an hour my brother texted me and that he needed to be transferred in the icu ward because of his chest pain and its a suspected heart attack. So, me and my other brother went to the hospital to check what's going on. And that is what the doctors told us too. After 4 hours the decision change and instead of an icu he will just transferred to a private room with full monitoring machines. At 1am my other brother and I left for home while my mom and my niece was left in the hospital to accompany my older brother. That night, i felt like my mom doesn't want us to go but its already 1am so we just explained to her that every thing will be fine and that my brother will be transferred soon to his room.

May 5, 2019, Sunday, I left the house to attend my review classes again, it was a normal morning by noon time I didn't went home because some of my classmates invited me to join them for lunch at McDonald's. At 1pm when we got back at the review center we had practice test. So i put my cellphone into silence and finish the test. Got a good grades from that practice exam and was excited to go home to tell my mom about it. But by 2pm my niece kept on calling me which i wasnt able to answer. I think it was only after fifteen minutes that i noticed their call. I received a messages from them that my mom who is already at the Makati Medical Center was brought to Emergency Room. I didn't finish the class and went to Makati Medical Centers Emergency Room. On my way to the hospital the kids kept on texting me, updating me with what is happening. I don't know how it happened but i think i only travel from my review center to the hospital for about 10 mins only. When i saw my mom they are already reviving her. I couldn't walk, i couldn't talk, I was just looking at her and trying to understand what was going on. I was a nursing graduate so definitely I know what was going on but i kept on denying it. I kept on telling myself that everything is alright. That my greatest fear is not happening yet. So I went out of the room and sit in one of those benches, not knowing what to think.

May 5, 2019, 3:15 pm when the doctor announced that my mom already left us. While everyone in my family is crying already, I'm not, my tears just won't fall. I know i need to do something. I know i have to be strong. So i went up to my brothers room and collect her bag. Told my brothers that I'll find her burial plan policy at home. When i get home some of my cousins are already there. Told them too that i need to find that policy. But my one of my cousin stopped me. She said I'm not doing anything. She said i just keep on rambling all the papers but wasn't looking at it. And that was when i started to cry. That is when reality hit me hard that my greatest fear is happening on that day.

Imagine, i just gotten back from my almost a year of being out of the country. I haven't enjoyed her company that much yet. And then it happened. I really don't know what to do, where to start all i could do that moment was to pretend that i can handle everything but the reality was i died too.

Today, May 5, 2021 and it is her second death anniversary. If you'll ask me if i already move on the answer is no, i just get used to the idea that she is not coming back anymore. That I'll never get a chance to hug her again, to talk with her again. And i miss her every single day.

So if your parents are still around give them all the time and attention that they need. Respect them and show them how much you really loves them because when the time comes that they need to leave you too you cannot do anything but to let them go.

Thanks for reading guys, sorry i just need to voice out this heart ache that will never ever heal.