“Sometimes your worst enemy is yourself”

Liking ourselves is a good thing to portray positive outlooks in life, before others like you, you should like or embrace yourself first. You are the only person that must be reliable to yourself, how can others rely on you when you alone cannot rely on you? Self-love is one of the greatest love you will ever have, you cannot love others unless you start loving yourself.

But what if there are things you don't like about yourself? I mean attitude, character, or the whole you? Psychologically speaking if a person is having a hard time embracing themselves then they must have gone through something that made them hate or disliked themselves. Sometimes our worst enemy is ourselves alone and not the other way around.

I have read @Eirolfeam2 article about her self-reflection and I have the same things going on in my head, I mean there are things I also don't like about me that I am doing every day. If you have been following me since the beginning you might have read some of my biographies that tell about what I've been through and because of those things I had portrayed a lot of characters depending on the environment I had, not to fit in but to protect myself and later I went overboard by doing it.

I am very impatient

They always said that “patience is a virtue ” and I also believe in that but still I am very impatient. I grew up not a priority to anyone, mom used to hate me. I have long patience in me when I was a kid, I used to be so silent and naive. I am very patient to please my mom until she will accept or like me. Until one day, rebellion hits me, I started to rebel against my mom and anyone around me. I don't have enough patience for anyone or any certain situations, I don't care if I get f*cked up with my actions or vice versa involved in the situation. Now that I am a mother myself, I need to have long patience especially in dealing with my kid so I cannot hurt her when she disobeys me. This also applies to the field I am trying to get in which is trading, if you are a trader you need to possess patience so you can handle your trades properly.

Advanced thinking turns negative

I think it's better to think in advance than not to think at all, but things will get complicated if we think so much. I always foresee things what it looks like on next or in future, some people will call it overthinking and yes it is. Certain circumstances are not yet happening but I am thinking about it already, trying to figure out how should I react or how should solve the situation even if it's not yet existing. I think this attitude is common to women but I don't like it because it ruins my mood and instead of thinking positive things it will turn sour because I think so advance.

I am insecure

Yes, I admit I am insecure about so many things maybe that's because I don't have them. Way back, I was a toxic person, especially to my boyfriend. I tend to tell him not to do this, not to do that, etc because I am so insecure, good thing is that he never gives up on me despite my toxicity lol. Now, I am not like that anymore, I mean before every time I see peoples succeed I get insecure and pity myself, now I am happy for them. But, still, there are things I am insecure with because like anybody I am also an ambitious person but not so vocal with it, I just keep it myself. Being insecure is not healthy thinking, so I should fully get rid of it.

I am grumpy

I think most people who are grumpy are lacking sleep or enough rest. When people lack rest they tend to be irritable, and I am like that. Sometimes my sleep is longer but I am still grumpy maybe because I lack exercise and meditation. I've been sleeping late recently so I get grumpy especially if my menstrual period is coming, I think this is normal to women due to hormonal imbalance but sometimes I don't like to talk to anyone. So I would like to get rid of this because I wanted to be approachable even if my face goes sideways (I don't smile often so people always assume I am very strict lol).

Hard to please

Virtually I am easy to please but in my real world, I am hard to please. This is maybe due to the wall I have created to protect myself from getting hurt. I seem not to recognize the genuine actions of people towards me because I had convinced myself not to trust anyone easily, that their actions were just a bluff. I also do not assume things unless it is stated, that is why I am hard to please. I don't like this because sometimes I overlap with it and wasn't able to accept or appreciate genuine feelings from genuine people.

What I painted on my mind should be the outcome

I don't know if this can be called a perfectionist or not because every time I have something on my mind should be materialized in reality and if it cannot materialize I got mad or it will ruin my mood. Like for example, I do the laundry and my mindset a timer like I have to finish it after an hour if someones bother me and consume the time my minds set I get mad, and I don't like doing it beyond the time limits. I don't like it much, although it made me more productive that way, I get so mean sometimes because of that, so I should cool off and get rid of this attitude.

There are a lot of things I don't like about me but that would take this article long, those I mentioned are the most relevant. These things make me my worst enemy because my conscience are meddling with it 😆

Nobody is perfect, so do I, but I would like to lessen the things that will likely drag me down if it gets in my way a lot. Every day is a chance, a chance to improve ourselves to get better day by day by trying our best. I hope 2021 will be a year of fulfillment of my goals. To fulfill my desire of self-improvements, not for perfection because I am far beyond that but to become the best version of myself. To perfectly embrace yourself is to determine the things you don't like and make some changes out of them. Sometimes I hated that I am of this gender because woman thinking is somehow complicated, maybe not all but I am slaying it lol.