One thing I will never have in this existence.

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Avatar for Eybyoung
3 years ago
Topics: Life, Experience

I was about to finish the article about how I made the Club1BCH logo and its meaning but after reading the bmjc98 article about the sad story, suddenly I want to write too.

Most of my writings are from personal experience, if not then from my learnings. So now I will write another personal story again if this will bore you, you can skip this one.

Since I was an embryo, my biological father left my mother. I didn't even have the chance to have a glance at a man who donated his semen that made my creation.

Every girl longs to have a father. A father, who will protect her at any cost, a father who will try to grow his muscles preparing to smash all those badass lurking around his little girl. I long to have that, I am not a hypocrite not to long for a father's affection. I am always strong outside, convincing that I grew up well despite that I don't have a father but I cannot deny the fact that there is a big question mark in my heart.

What if I had a father, will my situation differ? What if I had a father, would I build thicker walls around me? What if I had a father, will there be a better version of me? What if I had a father, would I have a better career because I finished my bachelor's degree? Those questions always linger on my mind, but I cannot answer them. Sometimes, I just console myself that I am doing great, that I am awesome in my ways just to keep going.

It takes a lot of time to understand myself because I've been through a lot just for one reason, being fatherless. I've been bullied because of that, I received a lot of hate because of that. I always wonder before why I have to suffer all of it just because I am fatherless. Being fatherless in the first place is not easy, more uneasy when other people hurt you for the same reason. I even believe before, that I am cursed or something because of those sufferings but every time I came to realize that my body parts are complete and functional, that I am not the only one who is facing problems in this world, I am relieved. There are a lot of people who are terminally ill, physically and mentally and I am way better than that, those are consoling thought for me.

I am grown up now, but still, there are times I get emotional especially if I am thinking β€œwhat if I had a father?” but still I cannot answer it, I know I cannot change the past anymore, so I just focused on finding my ways in the future.

One thing I would never have in this existence is to have a father. You might wonder where he is? What is the story behind it, actually, I also don't know? Mom told me, he was a married man that she got fooled by him. Every time I asked her about him, she gets mad and told me the man already died. Even his name, I cannot remember, a long time ago I asked my mom and keep telling me other names, that he is Peter then, later on, he is Paul, Simon, etc. The only name she mentioned that never change was his last name, so how would I find him? But sometimes I would say, why would I waste my time finding the man who never bothered to find me, who left me in the first place? So, until now I didn't dare to dig deeper, waste of time. I will just focus on making myself better after becoming a broken soul.

I am just glad, my little girl had a loving father seeing them would be the outlet of my imagination how it feels to have a father.

Enough for the drama of my life, if you are reading until this part, I hope you didn't suffer things like this, it makes me sad but if you then just kept going, better days lies ahead let's keep our eyes forward and don't look back.

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Avatar for Eybyoung
3 years ago
Topics: Life, Experience

Comments

But a dad isn't always needed in life. My life got better adter dad left and i think it was for the better that yours did too somehow. If he can fool your mom then sho knows what he could have done to you

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3 years ago

Hey friend! Sorry I missed reading this yesterday! Let me tell you something! You are the best version of you and from what I seen until now... also a wonderful mother ! Virtual hugs !

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3 years ago

Thank you for the late hugs πŸ˜†

Anyway, thanks for consoling me. I mean for believing that I am the best version of me now 😊 thanks for the generous tips 😊

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3 years ago

You are always welcome! You know you the #Club1BCH family is always here for support

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3 years ago

Yeah, I know. I am glad we made the club. We found a virtual family, so happy 😊

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3 years ago

You had your fair share

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3 years ago

Your mother could have hidden his name from you, to protect him. You know, shame could be involved. Ask her again.

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3 years ago

Yeah, maybe too because he is a married man. I will ask her again next time.

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3 years ago

When you get older, you understand that there are more and more things you can not have or can not be. But don't worry, the world is big and everyone is different. There are other things to have, and to be.

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3 years ago

Yes, sir, I am slowly understanding it now maybe I am still a little bit immature when I felt bad and sad about it. I will just focus and look forward to the things to have and to be. Thank you so much for your words it motivated me and for always giving me tips.

$ 0.10
3 years ago

I have read you're article I feel better soon as possible but please advise me or visit my articles to see that Why I am not receiving any tip from 3 months .πŸ˜—πŸ˜—πŸ˜—πŸ˜—πŸ˜˜πŸ˜πŸ˜£πŸ˜£πŸ˜₯😢if other having face this he left readcash but i am facing this from 3 months please tell me why this????

And I wait your response as I have already share my this problem. Please help as a small brother as I can't tell you my situation of home.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

I cannot help you with that, maybe send a message to read.cash on their Twitter. Do you have noise.cash?, you can also earn a little from there.

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3 years ago

God bless you dear friend i can't use Twitter. If in my luck then i wiil revive otherwise I'll just see dream to be have a money to fulfil my needs. But the tinhg is that readcash has broken my heart and hopes of life as my mother is old and she also asked me many times son tell me you have earn some money. This sentence make me very sad when I reply to mother that i have nothing. Then this empressin makes me very sad and i pray for all of the world people that they not suffer this sadfull .As i am from country where poor peoples are likes stars on the sky.As English is not our language to speak .As i am telling you to just to less my sad situation.As you reply me in sweet words this becomes a source of my or hop of life .God bless you and your family.

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3 years ago

I'm pretty sure you already know that, but his intentions were most likely not to leave you, not even to leave your mother, but to leave the situation he got himself into. Instead of owning up to his mistakes (impregnating another woman while being married), it seems that he pretended it never happened.

So, it's not your fault (obviously). He didn't seem to want to accept the reality and selfishly he hurt you by doing that.

I'm sorry you had to suffer and I hope that what I wrote doesn't make it worse. I hope it will help you. But I'm not sure if I achieved my goal. πŸ™ˆ

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3 years ago

You just made me cry once again 😭 you should give me tip, think of it like candy to console me πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

It doesn't matter anymore, whether it's not his intention or he just pretended as nothing happen because it doesn't change the fact that I don't have a father at all. Whatever, I am awesome now because I've got to know Bitcoin Cash πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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3 years ago

Oh no, I'm sorry about that I made you cry.

I will send you a tip on noise.cash and afterwards I will join the stingy association of men In Nigeria. πŸ™ˆ

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3 years ago

HAHAHAHAHA! you sting! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ you should have said β€œlet me see what I can do” πŸ˜‚

Anyway, I am just kidding you πŸ™ˆ

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3 years ago

Ah, you read that article, too. πŸ˜‚πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘

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3 years ago

Yeah, of course πŸ˜‚πŸ™ˆ

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3 years ago

Kahit naman wala kang kinalakihan na ama magandang version pa rin naman self mo ang meron ka ngayon ah. Pagkakaiba lang wala kang kumpletong pamilya peri lumaki ka paring mas matibay, pero, lumaki ka nga ba? Ako kasi flat 5 😐, haha chorrr tawa na ulit. Mahalaga naman masaya ka ngayon, sikapin mo nalang na mapanatili yang kasiyahan na yan. Fightuuu πŸ’ͺ

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3 years ago

Yun nga eh , di ako lumaki nang maayos kase walang maayos na nagpalaki πŸ˜œπŸ˜† yeah, dapat happy lang walang ending πŸ˜† 5 flat lang din ako, pati dyoga flat πŸ˜†

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3 years ago

Ahahahahahaha, okay lang basta's kung may nahahagip naman si partner masaya na din yorn 🀣🀣🀣🀣✌️

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3 years ago

Ahahahaha abnormal ka talaga πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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3 years ago

Ahahahahahsha, di naman masyado oi 🀣🀣

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3 years ago

My Father passed away when I was a child :( I feel you, Madam.

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3 years ago

Oh, that's sad. We didn't feel how it feels to have a father.

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3 years ago

Yeah :/ but life goes on

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3 years ago

Yeah, that's how it should be, life must go on 😁

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3 years ago

So now I know what to write next. And i guess you already have a clue πŸ˜…

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3 years ago

Yeah, I also know about yours hehe still waiting 😊

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3 years ago

I am blessed to have a good father and guiding me until now and it's payback time to guide him now as we are facing a family problem.

Though I didn't experience it , I saw it in my niece and seeing her without a father makes my heart in pain whenever she called my husband Papa. Kinukurot puso ko.

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User's avatar Yen
3 years ago

Kaya alagaan mo ang tatay mo, bihira yung mga tatay na ganyan.

Kaya nga, I feel sad about your niece. I know how it feels, tapos darating yan sa point na ma confused sya bakit wala sya tatay pero andyan nmn kaya mag gagabay kaya di yan masyado mahirapan, yun nga lang mahirap pag sarili mo na ang kalaban mo yung nadadaig ka sa sobrang pag.iisip at kalungkutan.

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3 years ago