All That I've Got - Resembles My Youth
Do you believe that the genre music preference of a person can help you understand or get to know them better? That the genre of music they prefer can somehow speaks or represent themselves, or somehow it conceals their real identity.
I've joined a contest in #ladiesofhive community that talks about song or a season. I chose the song type since I can elaborate it better, but I also like the season topic wherein joiners can chose a season (winter, spring, summer & fall) to represent themselves or if they don't have 4 seasons, they can chose a certain season why they likes to experience it.
So here's an explanation, of why “All That I've Got” song resembles my youth.
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I've grown up into a harsh environment, where I experience bullies, sexual harassment and all the bad treatment I've got just because I'm too fragile and no one is there to protect me. One of the genre that I like in music is a metal rock, alternative rock or hardcore music, wherein there are screaming and loud instruments sounds. Sometimes I look so naive and so soft but when some people hear my preference of genre in music they're quite confused, maybe they have questions like “how come she likes that genre?”
There's a reason behind it, and let me tell you one of my favorite song from The Used which is “All That I've Got” this song resembles my youth. I've been struggling to survive from all the trauma's I've got from bullying, sexual harassment and bad treatment from the people around me.
I'll be just fine, pretending I'm not afar from lonely and it's all that I've got - The Used (song lyrics)
People see me as a strong person despite what I've been going through without them knowing, it's ALL THAT I'VE GOT, to PRETEND that I am not vulnerable and I am strong so people stop abusing my innocence.
So deep, that it didn't even bleed and catch me - The Used (song lyrics)
The scars that was made from all the torture I've been trough emotionally and mentally are so deep that bleeding can't express the pain anymore.
Knock me, hit me and let me go back to sleep - The Used (song lyrics)
There were times that I just want someone to hit me hard so I can sleep, to have a temporary escape from my painful reality. When I was grade schooler until college I am a sleeping maniac, even if I am on our class I sleep whenever I want especially when I am so down. Sleeping has been always my temporary escape as I can be the person I want in my dreams and hallucinations, I can laugh all I want which barely happens in my reality.
I can be the villain and hero in my dreams, while I'm always the damsel in distress in my reality, that's why I like sleeping, I've got to explore the other dimensions of the world without seeing my harsh reality.
Why I like rock music?
I like the loud sounds of instrument, it makes me feel high. It elevates my emotions when I'm feeling blue. I like the screams, as I scream with it as well. I scream my lungs out, why on earth I have to struggle a lot. I'm emotional.
This was my old photo before, being an emo lol.
I was born in 1992 an the music genre trends that times are metal rock, emo and punk, until now I'm still fascinated with the genre. I've slowly overcome the truama's I had, but there are times I can recall everything when I'm feeling down.
If you wonder why I speak so deep like I was totally shut by the world,I grow up with a broken family.. no family to be precise. My biological father abandoned my mother when she got pregnant, it was me. Until now, I haven't meet my father.
My mother blame all her resentments towards me, that I was the cause of misfortune in her life. When a kid got no love from home, they can't have it either in their environment..so I suffered bullying from other kids, and other mom's relatives calling me bad names just because I am the product of an unwanted child.
Since I don't have a father to protect me, I was molested..by some evil men, although they didn't succeeded their evil plans and everything was just an attempt (rape), the trauma's keep haunting me and got nightmares a lot when I sleep at night.
I've talked a lot, I apologize if this blog made you sad or whatever, I just want to explain why I like rock music, I like it because I can scream, I can pretend I haven't gone into troubles and was just playing cool head banging.
Source: PeakD post
It is incredible how opposite our youths have been. For the first 4 years i seemed to be heading in the same direction you were. Growing up with a mother that had wanted to put me up for adoption after my father had died 2 months before i was born. But in my 4th year my grandparents intervened, and took me into their home and raised me as their son from that point on. I was "only-child" as the three daughters they'd had were all married and off living their own lives for at least a decade. My folks were... well... kind of rich because of the two companies my Pa (my grandfather) ran. So i was spoiled, pampered and had the happiest childhood one can imagine, with love and security. That has taken me a long time to overcome. Because even at age 20 i hardly knew how to fold clean clothes or anything else about living life as an adult. I was lucky i had a career and lots of luck or else i'd have crashed long ago. Instead i crashed when i was 35, suddenly single father after my ex went p00f (leaving me with 1,5 years of unpaid bills) and lost my job. I became victim of the IRS scandal... anyway, i was trying to get to pointing out that having the best childhood and upbringing doesn't guarantee a happy life.