Good communication between spouses is one of the basic preconditions for a good marital relationship. How to talk?
When talking, try not to interrupt the other person or ‘interrupt’.
When the other person says what he or she wants, confirm with a brief summary that you have listened carefully.
Avoid negative body language (rolling your eyes, grimaces, etc.).
Always think about what the other party has said and if you are not sure you have understood well, ask for an explanation.
It’s good to confirm the accuracy, the truth of what you agree with, what the other person said, (e.g. ‘You’re right about that, I admit.). Only then state what you disagree with.
It is not advisable to start the conversation in a state of emotional tension (anger, fatigue, etc.), at lunch time or in front of other people (children, friends, etc.). It is better to postpone the conversation for later.
Arrange a time to talk, don’t start a conversation just out of the blue.
Separate one notebook for notes on topics you want to discuss. It happens that something makes us angry, but we forget it until we meet or have a chance to talk. Short notes about your feelings are also helpful (e.g., ‘When I saw this I was hurt and wondered why you did it.’).
Try to use ‘I’ sentences as much as possible, instead of ‘you’ sentences. Eg. instead of ‘You always avoid…’ you can say ‘When that happens I feel…’. That way the other side won’t feel attacked and won’t need to take a defensive stance.
Take a walk and try to go through an imaginary conversation in your mind. Prepare for all the answers and try to think positively.
Maybe all this seems irrelevant to you. But when we choose to be positive and pleasant to others, in most cases we choose the way they will treat us. In a pleasant and positive atmosphere, problems are easier to solve than in an atmosphere of tension, overpowering, overvoting, etc.
