My one last letter (Blog) for the people who became part of my life

So, how are you guys? Finally, I can write and publish my blog here again. To be honest, I don't know how to start this or what I will say first. I just let my mind deliver to my fingers the words that she wanted to say. Maybe there are some people who are curious about how my life is now. Charought. Who am I in your life, anyway? I am not that important to waste your precious time. I am already getting used to how the virtual world works.

Are you looking for me? Are you sending some messages to my social media accounts? Of course you're not. Like I said, no one dares get worried about my life—if how I felt for how many days already. 

Even if you are not curious, even if you are not interested in knowing this or anything else you can feel while reading this, I just wanted to say that I quit social media. I deleted my Discord account, and I deleted all the applications that I don't like to see anymore. I know that you don't like to know the reason why, but I still like to say the reason behind this immature decision of mine. 

I can't handle the pain anymore. I am sick and tired of the same situation happening in my life. I think that the people I know don't deserve to get along with someone like me, as they are always positive, and I am just the only person who doesn't think well. That's why I deleted my Discord account and everything else. I like to go back to the old me. I prefer to be alone, as I was before we met. I really don't like to do this, but I think I need this thing so that I can focus on myself and go back to how I was before.

 And do you know what's funny? It's hard for me to do this, and I am fighting with my mind because I think that I will install Discord again. I am glad because I can stop myself from doing it for how many hours now? Anyway, can I do a favor to everyone I know virtually since I started writing blogs here? Please pretend that you don't know me. Pretend that you didn't know a person named Jam. I wanted to restart my life and change. Because if I can stay like this forever, I don't think I'll be able to focus and achieve the goals in my life. I know that it's impossible to do this, and even I am still in deep thought about what I will do next after I delete my accounts. And I guess abandoning this blog account is what I am planning to do next since this account will just make me feel and remember the old me. 

I wanted to create a new account and write a blog full of positivity about my life. Where I can write a blog full of small or big achievements, one by one. The only problem is that I need to rest a little bit first. I need to give myself some time and courage to have a fresh start.

This was supposed to not be included in this blog, but I think I need to write a short message to someone I've loved for months because my heart needs it. Thanks for the hate and pushing me away, but I will consider those as your love and care for me. I am still in the process of admitting that you are not the man for me. I feel the pain, and the wound in my heart is so deep that it takes time for me to heal it. But I guess I need to forget you until I don't remember your face anymore (yes, it's true that I saw your face already, and I think that you are not really for me). Don't get me wrong; you are the most handsome man in this world to me. It's just that I think they are right; you are too high, like a star above, and I am not the girl that is suited for a guy like you. Who knows if destiny will give us a chance to meet in the future? But I just hope that if that time comes, I can have something to prove to you already, and I hope that during that time, you are living the best of your life too. I am thankful because you didn't meet me when I had a chance to show up. I will just embarrass myself in front of you because I feel so low. Unlike the other girls around you, they are the best example of who will be suited for you.

Everyone, I need to say goodbye. Thanks for everything and for your time reading this blog. Well, you can still meet me, and I will be everywhere, but I need to change for the better.