This happens during our freshmen years in college. I remembered so I just wanted to share it. It was the first Friday after the school had started. Supposedly, we don’t have a class every Friday since the school declared it as a day for students and teachers to catch up with their pending works, assignments and all. But that time we had to go to school for the freshmen’s orientation. Our college dean announced that one so we really need to go, besides attendance is a must.
They said that the orientation will start at 8 so me and my friends tried to be on time, though we entered the school gate at 8:15. Oddly how the hallway seems so quiet but there’s a group of people in one of the kiosks with their giant speaker and loud music. On regular days, I won’t really pay attention to some people I don’t know but that time was different. I got curious.
So, I tried to look at them one by one. There are about five of them. The four were standing while doing some dance steps while the other one was just sitting facing the hallway but still doing some steps. My eyes were fixed at the one who’s sitting. I really thought he’s a foreigner plus he’s wearing a white shirt. I am easily attracted to people who wear white shirts and I don’t know why.
Since he’s the only one facing our direction, he eyed us curiously too. Maybe thinking of what would be our business there when it is a big Friday and we aren't supposed to have a class. So back to our business there, when we reach our classroom there is no one except for a few classmates who’s also waiting for the orientation to start.
We went to the gymnasium thinking that maybe the orientation was held there but still nothing. I already doubted that maybe there’s no orientation at all. We decided to wait while some of our classmates already went home. I got curious at the loud music and shouting so I pulled my friend there. I am never a fan of some dance groups in our school way back in high school that’s why I was very amazed to see one up close.
The people in the kiosk earlier were already with their other members and they’re doing some stretching I think. I’m not a dance pro so I don’t know if it’s already part of their dance routine or just a pure stretching. We decided to sit on the nearest bench just so we could watch them close.
They were running in a circle that time while doing some hand gestures when I saw that guy in a white shirt again. They did that for a minute until they changed their routine. Watching him closely, I have a gut feeling that there’s something in him. Until they end their stretching and start their dance routine. That’s when I confirmed that I was right. He’s a gay!
I am not against gay, I actually love them. What’s wrong with being a gay, right? That’s when I also thought that maybe I had a crush on him. He’s handsome I admit but there are also times that he looks beautiful. I like his smile and whenever he does some nasty moves I would just laugh at the back of my mind. I probably look like an idiot sitting there in awe and staring only at him. I would even clap when they made some awesome moves, like a total idiot really.
That’s why I was very happy when my bestfriend, Dee, wanted to join the dance troupe. I was very supportive throughout her audition and I feel so proud when she passed. It feels like I was the one who gave birth to her, I was just so happy. Every Friday was their time to practice. Sometimes I would make the boredom in our house as an excuse so I could go with Dee and watch them dance. And sometimes there were group projects or make up classes that’s why we need to go to school.
I did totally agree with Dee when she said that ‘School is boring when you don’t have a crush’. I know that school is a place for learning and not for things like that but being an adolescent, it can’t be helped. Besides, crush is only a form of idolization. I was only amazed by how he looked so handsome and beautiful at the same time when he danced. It’s not like I would marry him instantly. Well, thinking about that, I only want him to be a motivation alone. Nothing more, nothing less.
I don’t want him to be a friend as well. I don’t know but I really become snobby to him, even if there are times that we talk. Maybe I was just too shy. I was more close to his bestfriend, who is also a gay, that whenever he see me he would greet or kiss my cheek instead. He’s also good looking but I prefer him as a friend. Maybe I just really like someone who looks both handsome and beautiful, that I don’t want to be a friend nor a boyfriend, but just a mere inspiration.
And now, I heard that he’s in a relationship with his bestfriend. Yes, his gay bestfriend. I didn’t get disappointed or what but I feel happy for them. They look good together despite of some words behind their backs. I am truly happy for them.
I realized that no matter what our gender is, if we like someone, we would really like someone despite their gender too. I am a woman but I prefer gays over guys. I do sometimes like the same sex, so what? It doesn’t mean that if I am a woman, I couldn’t like other women as well. Or if they are gay, they couldn’t like gay as well. We all have our different gender preferences and it is our choice of expressing our individuality.
That’s how my preferences are. I couldn’t change it just because it isn’t right in the eyes of other people. Everyone has a freedom to choose what they like and to choose who they love. It isn’t in the law, and God never said it was a sin. Yes, he only created a man and a woman and no other gender as what anti-LGBTQIA always says, but liking or loving someone in the same sex was never a sin. That’s how they show their individuality and we should respect every individual.
I know that other genders were slowly being recognized now. I am happy for it and I support it even though I didn’t join any organizations about it. But I also know that some still couldn’t let themselves free for fearing the judgements or disownment from their own family and the people around us. Hiding your true self in the dark while showing others what they were expecting from you was the hardest. You will never be at peace. You will never be happy.
Let’s just respect each and every one of them. It didn’t make them less of a human because of their preferences. You aren’t greater or smarter than they are just because they are different. The world isn’t all about black and white, there are rainbows too. If you want a perfect world, then start building your own.
