Marriage here in the Philippines is sacred. We don’t have a divorce so if you want to get married make sure that it is the person you truly wanted to spend your whole life with. You can’t just marry a person just because he/she is rich, handsome or beautiful, or just because the person is famous.
Fairy tale wedding is a dream of every woman, they say. Elegant gown made only by the world’s famous designers, luxurious bridal car, majestic wedding receptions and all. I’ve met women with dreams like that and some of my friends even wish for a wedding like that. It is truly a dream come true, they said.
But then let’s not forget that a wedding is just a legal process of marriage. You can’t claim a person, husband or wife, if you haven't been blessed by the priest, the people, and the lord, and if you aren’t bound by the holy matrimony. While the relationship form outside the marriage is referred to as infidelity, which is a big sin in the eyes of the people and in the eyes of the lord.
Yesterday, January 09, 2021 is the celebration of the holy Black Nazaren and also the most special day for two people. Yesterday, at exactly 2 pm in the Parish of Saint Mary Church located in Agusan, Cagayan de Oro City, we witnessed the exchanging of vows of Francis and Honey.
Kuya Francis is my cousin. He had a long-time girlfriend for eight years and now after everything was settled, he decided to tie the knot. I am also one of the witnesses throughout their eight years of relationship. They started dating since college and have been separated for 5 years since my cousin is working abroad. Being in a long distance relationship was not easy for Ate Honey and will never be easy. They had countless fights already, thousands of miscommunications, lost time with each other but yet no one gives up. Neither Kuya Francis nor Ate Honey.
They remain faithful and loyal with each other and if they had misunderstandings they would make their mind cools first before talking it out. Misunderstanding and miscommunication are the hardest thing that every LDR couple experiences because you don’t know how to explain or to listen properly to each other without doubting his/her every words.
Words and promises are what you can only trust in long distance relationships. And sometimes, people aren’t true to their words and madness can give you doubts. Trust is very important for every LDR couple and it is also important to not break the trust that was given to you. And this is what I saw in the newlywed couple, from day one up until to the day they made a promise for a lifetime.
Marriage life is hard. I can tell. But marriage life and LDR is the hardest, well at least that's what I think. If you miss your husband you can’t easily see him because of the time difference and your different schedules, and you’ll only see him on the thin screen of your phone. You can’t hug and cuddle him. You can’t cry on his shoulder if you had a bad day. You can’t feel his warmth.
And for the husbands, they can't see their child growing up. He left when it was still a baby and when he came back it was already a teen. He missed many moments with them growing up. Husband’s patience will also be tested for not seeing his wife for a long time. Some may still be faithful and wouldn’t look for other women but we all know that not all men are the same. Men’s mind set and principles are what best describes him.
When Kuya Francis said his promises to Ate Honey, I can see that he will be a good and faithful husband to her. Not just because he’s my cousin that’s why I was saying this but because I know that he never memorized his vows. He never wrote one. All the words he said yesterday in front of Ate Honey, in front of us his family, in front of all the people in that church, in front of the priest and in front of the lord God, were the words that came directly from his heart. He didn’t just say those promises to Ate Honey but also to us and to God.
It was very heart whelming that it brought me to tears. He didn’t promise Ate Honey a perfect marriage because there’s no such thing after all, but he promised to be a good foundation to make their marriage last. He didn’t promise to be a faithful husband because he knew he had many flaws even when they were still boyfriend and girlfriend, but he promised to love and cherish only one woman in his lifetime. He didn’t promise her to never bring her tears, but he promised only joy is the reason for it.
Marriage isn’t perfect. I’ve witnessed many weddings already with perfect vows and promises to each other but in the end they got separated. I just know that Kuya Francis and Ate Honey’s marriage life would last because I can see that they are willing to fight for it. Aside from that, my cousin came from a broken family. He experienced the loneliness and pain from being one so I know he will never break his marriage and family for any reason, as well as for Ate Honey.
When the event ended, I can see the both satisfaction in the couple’s eyes. Although they were tired, but you can’t ignore the happiness in their faces. It was their dream wedding. A not so very fancy but they can call it a fairy tale wedding. Not because they spent more than hundreds of thousands pesos for it but because it was the wedding they dreamed together. In which all of their families and friends witness it and give them their blessings. And in where they made promises together in front of God and gave them his blessings and guidance as well.
Marriage life isn’t easy at all. I’ve witnessed it from my parents. It is not just all about happiness. I even remember the priest told us when I attended a friend’s wedding before. He asked if why we cry at a funeral, and feel joy at a wedding. No one answers and everyone is quietly listening to him. He said that it should be the opposite. We should feel joy at a funeral and cry at a wedding. Because when a person is dead, it only means that he already accomplished his missions and God let him rest already so we should feel happy for him. But we should cry on a newlywed couple because their life had just started. They will still face many challenges and clear many obstacles in their path. We should feel bad about them.
People laugh at what the priest said, but it was actually a real talk. Even a priest can testify that marriage isn’t easy. So if you wanted to settle down and get married, find a partner that you can see yourself growing old with. Do not marry a man just because he is handsome. Or a woman just because she is pretty and sexy. Physical appearances changes through time. Do not marry a man just because he has a lot of money and he can surely make your life easy. Or a woman just because she’s a known personality or a social media swag.
Do not marry thinking that it is okay if you fail that marriage because there’s divorce anyway. Marriage is not for trial or experiences. But marriage is a holy sacrament that allows you and your partner to face trials together. Marriage is a proof that your love for each other could last for a life time, and not even death could tear you apart.
Only a man who understands every word that his wife did not say is happily married. Lovely article.