Unsatisfied desire
HomeHome
Unsatisfied desire
As I walked down the aisle in the twilight, it seemed to me that there was no such thing as a cursed life at the end of the day, when a dear young face in the wretched house, with his ‘pitiful longing for black eyes’, did not look for the path to light the evening lamp! My own anguish and anger at the west gate of the sky in the evening - they agreed with me with his tear-filled deceitful eyes on my face. As he walked along the silent path of the membrane-toned field, he thought to himself, 'Only that one evening star understands your pain!' This evening star shines like a piece of fresh cut-collage in front of him, but he will understand how much chest-cracking pain he felt at that time and began to oppress him. Nothing can be heard in the empty chest of this filthy field, just where the evening sits and sings a Baul song with a ‘dust-flurry’ whistle, and its fine silk flies like a silken thread and touches my mind! One by one they are coming together in the courtyard of the sky, so in my mind so many latent words of many days, many lost memories are emerging one after another. I have this same thing, the same pain, in how many ways I remember it, there is no number. Yet again and again the O-word O-pain will wake up! My mind could not escape the intense sweetness of this pain. As the snake can't leave the manik and go out of the light of that maniktukur, so have I. I could not avoid the illusion of unreasonable arrogance of Manik Bednatuku in my chest! In the distance, returning to the market, a sad village-bride was singing in the sweet melody of the field, - ‘My mind is crying for the next one, alas, when will it be yours again?’ I said in my mind - it is unfortunate, it is yours; But many do not understand that. As soon as I leave the treasure in my chest, people misunderstand me and say, ‘What happens next?’ And no one has left me by making such a mistake, it is not to forget the pain! The song of that soul of the pathless girl reminded me of another arrogant woman. That heart-rending memory is floating in my hair like a sailing dinghy again and again! In that, my identity is not only from childhood - but also long before that; He doesn't even remember that day of identity, I don't remember either. তার His house is in our neighborhood. I needed him especially when my hands were squeezing to kill someone. A-mara was also special again; When there was a reason to kill, I would not kill him, but to kill without a reason was my whim. I don't know if he liked my beating, but if he hadn't beaten me for two days, he would have come to me and smiled and said, 'Where are you, brother, you haven't beaten me for two days?' , I will not kill you again! 'After that, whatever good things were in front of my hands at that time, so that with him I would have deep satisfaction in my soul! It seemed that he might forget my injury. Tearing pictures from books and giving them to him was my most precious gift. For this, I often had to stand in the school all day listening. But when I saw that great gift he gave me, he took it from the area with great interest and gave it to his doll's bed, or stuck it on the wall of his playroom with rice, then I forgot all the insults of my school. But I couldn't see that big cat of his with my own eyes, the one who would caress him so much day and night, it was as if it was not with me. To make me angry, he would glue the best picture I ever had on the back of that mini kitten, and I would slap him and show him the Tribhuvan. When I saw him, I also understood the time when he was angry or sat with his face covered, I would leave him crying with a loud fog. Then who sees my joy! The more he cried, the more I broke my face and cried and stood by myself. One day, I would leave five black spots on the skin of his back, but I would leave! I was surprised to see that he had become quite disciplined after being beaten; And, how can I forget everything in a minute, bring a smile on my face with tears in my eyes, pull my fingers and let them boil, saying, ‘You have to break the naughty fingers of this Marhatta hand completely! Then let me see how you hit me with that chubby hand of yours! 'Seeing his smile, I would kick him on the back in anger and say,' Then I will beat your back like this! 'He would tell his grandfather while crying and when he He used to chase me with a stick, then he would laugh and fall down completely! The body would gurgle in anger. So if I found him again, I would beat him. One day or the other, I would break into his playroom and make it all my own. On this day, he would get really angry and put a big stick on my back and hide for fifteen days, never coming in front of me for fear of anything else. At that time I was very sad. Aa malo, what happens to my buffalo skin in the house of O-lathi? And that's it! So the monkey will be hiding like that? After that, when I used to swear and swear and call him, he would take my long hair and cut all the crooked and straight strands and say, 'Look, brother, I will never hit you again! If Marie is a bug in my hand, it will be an insect! ’Then he would suddenly say, - Don’t give, brother, I will tie your hair with my ribbons. ’One day he would really talk and sometimes he would make a naughty bunny in his hair that would take me an hour to get rid of it.… What happened after that? … After crossing a little road in this empty field, the eternal listener of my mind asked, - Yes brother, what happened after that? As if my narrator lost his words in the stillness of this silent evening for a while! Suddenly he was hurt by the silence and said, ‘No - I love you! I lied that day, Pearl, I lied! ’His mischievous remorse sounded like a bitter melody in the evening! - He calmed down again and let out a sigh of relief. Ever-thirsty, my ever-thirsty soul began to drink that melody! That's how our day was going. When he was about eleven, he was forced into a dark corner of the inner courtyard. What a mess he and I! I think, realizing this, the wave of my life-stream stopped! If the current loses its waves, he understands his own pain, the water of the dammed Pacific Pool will not understand his sensation. When an attempt is made to bring Mukta into bondage, only in the murmur of his waves, the quarrel of sweet agility erupts! So when we get in the way of this kind of obstacle, our simple wave becomes rebellious and wants to raise its head and overcome all the obstacles in front of it. Who will stop this agile movement of the ever-moving stream of life? My companion on the way suddenly stopped him and started looking for his companion with a crooked speed. So long as he received the news of the wave of his life! The pain of this distance, the pain of separation, when he first woke up in his chest, he recognized her and said, 'Whoever you want, you must get him.' Insane went awake! Then he began to seek his desired refuge in a new way. If he understands in his heart, if I don't have this partner, I will lose my speed! In the midst of this kind of liberation and bondage, he became paralyzed! If the society says, - Keep your release - I gave this wall! If you dig your head in that wall and pour blood-Ganges, if you can't break the stone wall! No one could keep me on this side! My job is to run upstream in the opposite direction of people's walk! When they couldn't put me in the school cage after a lot of fighting, everyone said, "If this boy is educated, then what is the fault of Sugriva-companion Dagdhamukh Hanumbansh?" When they gave up, I also gave up breathing. I breathed a sigh of relief and saw that as much as I had forgotten him in the fight against this obstacle, it was as if he had come closer to me on your behalf and lost all his dependence on me! - Jamuna was coming to drink the sea, that sea also wanted to rush towards it with the eagerness of its horizon-touching waves with the eagerness of millions of arms! They both deal with their confidence as they choose to embark on their play activities. When they kiss in any estuary, they will become one!… And we would not see or hear. Whatever was said, it was sometimes hidden from everyone, either in the form of a sneak peek, or in exchange for two thirsty unsatisfied eyes through the gaps in the window. It is not possible to explain exactly how much our words would have been corrected, how much pain-pleasure would have arisen in the blink of an eye! * * * Five more years later! - One day I heard that she will get married, the son of a very big zamindar, to a young man who passed B. After getting married, he will go to his father-in-law's house, he will also get rid of the tears in my eyes, this pain has deepened and cut my scars! The intense pain of this pain began to crush inside my chest. But when the word suddenly dawned on me, like a cloudless midday sun, that he would be happy, it was as if I saw my new path. I said, - No, I did not bow my head to anyone when I was born, I still have to win. And sad or what? She will be the envy of the rich educated beautiful young man, the unfortunate girl will get everything she wants to be happy; But alas, yet the ignorant mind does not mean! I think he will not get so much love like me! When I thought about this, my chest filled with tears, - when I remember my outer poverty, then I had to stand up with the glory of true love in my heart. In a fit of intense arrogance towards an unknown person, I said, I will take revenge by sacrificing my own happiness. I will fill my poverty by giving up. In the midst of so many conflicts, the deep theory of the word 'my dear will be happy' began to cut through my soul, then suddenly all the stormy waves of pain in my chest suddenly stopped! Bitter mind in the huge holy consolation, as if Sudhasikta! Ah! Where has been the relief of my pain for so long? After so many days, I calmed down crying tears of peace! Which Orpheus's flute maya-tan, thus put the naughty Indus of my mind to sleep? Alas, where has this magical melody of the flute been for so long? - That night I asked for a drink from his window, so I sang, - ‘I desperately want more, save me by depriving me! This grace is hardly stored in my life? ’Wow, I have already crossed the path of the field and come close to the boundary of the village! From a distance, the smoke-filled lamps of earth and kerosene can be seen in every house, how my mind is attracted to that lamp-burning room! It seems that a small face wearing a veil beside the lamp may have been waiting on the road with its two eyes full of eager anticipation. When a leaf of a tree falls in the south wind, he is startled, - realizing that, the treasure of his waiting has come! An intense joy of such hope and despair is revolving in his chest, he is drunk in his intoxication! The indefatigable listener of my mind chased me and said, - After all, think about it, tell me what happened after that! The holy softness mixed with the pathetic pain made my eyelids wet. Water-filled eyes reminded me of the rest of the story. রাতে The night before her wedding, I heard the first and last secret meeting. He said - ‘What will happen in this marriage, brother?’ I said, ‘You will be happy.’ He heard my simple voice and forgot about his age, my age - our distance. Filling the sky over their heads, they pressed their faces and laughed. He did the same thing again, biting my fingers like a child, and said, ‘What’s going to happen? You have to leave, you will never see again. 'I have heard his new kind of wet voice for so many days! The faint light of the stars reflected in the thick long leaves of his drawn eyes, telling him he was crying! I said, - ‘I understand you, Moti. But whoever you go to will love you more than I love you; When we go there, we will forget everything. 'The thought that others will love my beloved more than me is unbearable. Her husband may be richer than me, beautiful, educated, but he will love the man he loves more than me, I said that with great pride, but this time I also burst into tears. She has no strength to cry - no strength. Fainting, he took my hand and pressed it hard against his eyes and said in a mournful voice, ‘No-no-no.’ What’s this ‘no’? I said in a sharp voice, ‘This must be Moti, this must be. I have to leave. 'Then my mind was filled with pride and bitterness against an unknown god. He fell to the ground and said, ‘Ogo, you have killed me forever, have you not been killed yet? But hit, hit more - hit as hard as you can. 'How many days, how many words, how much pain filled my chest! After that, the sharpness of a sharp arrogance made me harder and harder. If the mind says - must be won. I smiled at the crew and said to Moti, ‘Huh! I will not believe anything, but I will tell you the truth, - Moti, that I do not love you. 'The word rang in my chest more than that. He jumped up like an arrow deer and said, - ‘What?’ I said, - ‘I have deceived you with lies for so long, Moti, I have never truly loved you.’ My voice seemed to dry up. Standing with a radiant vigor like a wounded fan, he roared, - ‘Go away - I want you, go away. You are more cruel than the executioners, Bay-Dil! - Go, go away. পড় Fall at your feet and go away, and do not insult my love. 'Pressing with both hands and hands, he ran away with insane speed like the flying storm of Kalbaishakhi. As I staggered and turned my head, I heard someone groaning and groaning in the courtyard of the marriage-house with deep cries, 'Mother-go.' The cry has come out, as if it is the word of my mind, - mind-boatman, take your boat, I can't go out anymore. 'Ogo boatman of my mind, my life is full of fatigue and I can't go out, brother! Now give me cool, or give me a call! - I have a big pain in my mind, he may not understand my pain. If he only knew how much my own chest was torn apart by the pain, the thorns of pain, when I went to hurt the one I love, if he knew - if Moti could understand. A: If the one I love misunderstands me, then what do I live for? What is the success of my empty life? Alas, there is no greater pain in the world. This is the mango orchard in my village. That is my closed dark house. There is a lamp-lit noise-filled Snehniketan on all four sides, and in the midst of it my dark cottage is awake like a poisonous curse shell. The word that comes to my mind every day when I return home from work without any work after opening the lock of the closed door is still burning in the forest of eternal pain in my mind. Lamps will be lit in all the houses one by one, only in my house, the evening lamp will not be lit any more. No black-eyed wretch will wake up desperately hoping for me to come next to that dim lamp-flame! Outside, at my broken door, the wind was blowing, and there was a sigh of relief and mourning. - Lose! '
Important one.