Looking for open air.



26. Looking for open air ...

A young man of 18 years. Always smiling.

Let no one understand how much he is suffering behind this smiling face. How much he hates himself. Long ago, she made a mistake stepping into the dark world of masturbation and pornography. Then how did he come out of that dark, cursed life, breathe in the open air?

When I was 13 years old, one day I suddenly discovered the subject of masturbation. At first I didn't know it was bad. I used to do it occasionally. Within a couple of months I became fully accustomed to masturbation. I used to masturbate once a day, sometimes three or four times a day. I've been a polite boy since I was a kid, called "Good Boy". I always looked at the girls with respect. This is what my family taught me. But after I got used to masturbation, a radical change came over me. Needless to say, the change is negative.

I started seeing the girls with other eyes. I used to have sex fantasies with the girls around me, like my classmates, neighbors, school mam. I was so disgusted by these fantasies that I feel nauseous now when I think of them. I wondered, how could I, this I thought so badly! I used to think about these women every time I masturbated. Magazine page, magazine models, pictures of heroines, music videos make me masturbate more and more

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Thus two years passed. I was a very energetic boy before I started masturbating. I used to participate in various outdoor sports regularly. But gradually I lost all enthusiasm. Once I gave up sports. I used to feel weak all the time. My body weight began to drop alarmingly.

In the early days, I had a lot of fun masturbating. But during this time, every time I masturbated, I felt very bad. The vast expanse of depression engulfed me. I slowly began to understand. Masturbation is bad for me, I should give it up. But I could not leave anything. I hated myself a lot.

The age of 18 is the darkest chapter of my life. During this time I used to masturbate about 2/3 times a day. The tight, tight dresses of the girls on the streets, their movements, gestures, the pages of the magazines, the playful pictures of the heroines in the magazines, the item songs, drove me crazy. I would have turned into an animal. I think now, at this moment I want a body at any price; The woman's body, Hayek, she's a street prostitute. Although I have been addicted to masturbation since I was 13 years old, fortunately I was not addicted to porn videos at that time. At the age of 18, through a friend, I found "Chatibai". I would wake up at night, skip class, and even in class I would sneak in secretly and of course I would masturbate every time I read. It was so bad that I used to sleep and masturbate even when I was fasting during the month of Ramadan.

My education deteriorated, my health deteriorated, my hair began to fall out, and I had terrible headaches.

Chatigalpa completely corrupted my thinking. Class mam, housemaid, neighbor, classmate, even many of my daughters Kani, Fupu, Mami were suffering from sex fantasies with them. I used to think of applying the stories read in short stories in real life. As soon as the girl went around the corner, I would start thinking badly about her. No girl around me could escape being the heroine of my fantasy.

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I had been suffering from depression for a long time, this time it was as if I was eating habudubu in melancholy. I used to listen to a lot of songs as a way to get rid of depression. But it was good for a short time, but then I was again suffering from terrible depression. I needed someone by my side during this horrible time, who would listen carefully to all my words, share my sorrows, help me to come out of this cursed life. But I couldn't tell anyone because of the shame and how much it would hate me to hear the story of this horrible darkness of mine. I used to act with a smile on everyone's face. I wouldn't let anyone understand how cursed the life of a 16-year-old boy is, how his heart is lazily eating every day, the curse called masturbation and chati.

A few days later I became addicted to porn videos. In the beginning, men and women used to vomit after seeing sexual intercourse with animals. But within a few days it became normal for me. Leaving soft porn, I slowly started watching hardcore porn. Life seems unbearable to me. I hated myself very much. I wanted to leave everything and run away. I wanted to get out of this dark and polluted life and breathe in the open air.

One and a half years have passed. I was addicted to masturbation then. I constantly fight with myself to stop watching porn, and get defeated. Suddenly one day I came across your writings (written by Lost Modanti Blog). I seem to have found an invaluable gem. Your writing impressed me a lot. I used to read your writings whenever I woke up wanting to masturbate. I used to make a lot of supplications to Allah (swt) according to your words. I set a target - I will not watch porn videos or masturbate in the next one week.

Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah by the will of Allah ($) I have been able to be completely free from porn and masturbation addiction. Overcome frustration, depression. I got back the enthusiasm to study. I want to love life a lot now, a lot more. Life has never been so sweet this summer.

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Pray for me so that I can stay away from this dark world forever. I have many, many prayers and best wishes for each member of the Lost Modesty team. May Allah (work) bless your work. Through your deeds and by the will of Allah (swt) in my opinion many will come out of the dark world In sha Allah.

I will end by saying one thing.

In today's world of extreme sex, women's bodies are being traded for products. Item songs, reality shows, playgrounds, billboards, everything is provoking the fire of youth's work all the time. Due to the easy availability of internet pornography, it is just a matter of two mouse clicks. In such a turbulent world, your child, six siblings, or even a cousin may not have escaped the clutches of porn videos, masturbation, or chat books. Maybe your child around you, six siblings, cousin masturbating, is addicted to porn videos and living a horrible life. Maybe he is not letting you understand his sufferings, this dark world of his is hiding from you behind a smile.

Mix with him as a friend. Gain her confidence, listen to her dark stories without reprimanding her, without feeling ashamed, feel her pain. Extend a helping hand.

Your help is very much needed.

Too much needed.

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