April 9, 2021

I dreamt of a really weird dream that I woke up in tears.

I don't remember much about the details, since I am bad at remembering dreams.

But I am sure I have an older sister, and we are a family of seven, people that I really haven't met in the real world (in reality, we are family of five), and we live in a really old style, but big, I mean big house. Our home in reality is a small one.

I think in my dream, I have a strong feeling of resentment towards my father and that I haven't been talking to him for days.

Then one sunny day, we got into a huge argument inside our home, and I cried. I remember yelling to my 'father', "Why did you do that to ate?" (older sister in Filipino language) And I am sure in that dream, may resentment is due to that 'something my dad did to ate'. I am not sure about what it is, but I think it has something to do with dad coming in between my older sis' and her boyfriend's relationship. Something like that.

Then, dad showed me a picture. It's our family picture, black and white. (what old pictures in earlier generations look like).

What's weird is that picture suddenly pierced through my heart and I was never able to speak to him immediately.

Tomorrow came, and I just got out of the company where I 'work' at, and I saw dad outside. My heart is full of regrets that I cried so hard and ran to him and hugged him while saying 'Sorry' for endless times.

I woke up at 2am still crying and I know in my heart that I am hurting emotionally. I can't understand just why am I so emotional in my dream, what is the reason I felt a big regret, or how come we are all wearing really old clothes—those that people from older generations wore.

It's so weird. It feels like I was in a body of a girl from the past and felt all the sadness and resentment that she was feeling.

It's just a dream, but I can't help thinking about it for some reason.