A Letter From My Future Self

I have always thought that life is easy. Well, until adulthood came naturally, along with its friends that I used to hate.

I remember being excited to be an adult when I was younger. I've always thought everything would be better when I get to earn money, make decisions on my own, or live to a place far from my parents.

When I reached 20, I realized it's not flowers and rainbows. Rather, it seemed like a battle that has no end. Let me talk to you about this 'friends' Adulthood brought along with him.

So, Adulthood stepped in, then I suddenly felt so small. I grew older and bigger, but, ironically, I felt so intimidated. It made me realize that the world is so big, scarier than I thought, and it's not always so welcoming of people like me.

I always see 'successful' people, but they don't seem to motivate me. I was supposed to be inspired by how they can freely spend on things they need and want, or how big their properties are, or how fancy are the clothes they flaunt.

Now, here's the thing. One of Adulthood's buddies, Pressure, stepped right beside me. He constantly whispered things that made me doubt my self, like "How come you haven't achieved anything yet", or "This job is paying better than what you have." Pressure made me look at others with jealousy and contempt, and look down on myself.

It made me sacrifice doing what makes me happy, replacing it with doing other things just to survive. I thought, that would make me satisfied. But no, it never did.

The second friend of Adulthood is Fear. Honestly, I never once had thought of stuff like "Could I make it?" Until this friend spoke to me. And it is.. upsetting.

It is upsetting to be afraid of trying out new things merely because of my fear to failure. I have buried the thoughts that mistakes make me human, and help me grow, that's why I never did much. I never did much, so I never achieved something remarkable.

Ever been curious about Fear's cousin? Well, he's known as Regret. The moment it sinked in that I have not achieved anything worth yet, I regretted so much. So much, that I started questioning my own decisions and abilities, making me constantly ask myself if I ever did something right or whether I should follow what my heart says.

Pressure, Fear, and Regret never missed a day to visit me. I never expected they have one more to introduce.

Low self-worth gradually came to me without me even noticing it. This buddy has become a part of me, to the point that, I accepted it as real, something that I deserve. Truth is, not.

I thought Adulthood's purpose was to introduce me to these four friends, but I overlooked the real one he wants me to find: Myself.

Thinking hard, I came to discover the real friend Adulthood wants me to embrace, and that is my identity.

I used to envy those people who have achieved so much even at a young age, making me feel pressured to do everything in my power just to be on their level. I forgot that I have my own race to run, and own timeline to follow. Why should I look at them when I can take action myself and start achieving things on my own?

Doing what I love and making the best out of it is the perfect recipe to success. I really need to stop thinking about what others will say and make a history of my own. Interestingly, this mindset is what motivated me more than any inspirational quotes successful people said.

Over the years, I also learned to be more courageous in doing new things. My real mistake back then was 'not even trying because of the fear of failing'. Many people succeeded after failing many times, and the secret is to learn from the mistakes and to not give up.

Doing this definitely drove away regret. I might feel this from time to time, but not as massive as how it affected me in the past.

In the end, I have been reminded that more than anything, I am worth it. I am worth loving, I am deserving of respect, and I deserve happiness.

Adulting is hard, indeed. However, one thing I should never forget in this journey is my identity.

Don't live like the 'me' in the past. Never let the pressure to succeed consume your real passion, or make you let go of your personal happiness. Never let fear get in the way of your goals to achive, or opportunities to conquer—or else, you may have to deal with the constant regret that blurs out your self-worth, eventually erasing yourself in the process.

Don't you ever lose yourself in this lifetime battle, my friend. When you don't have your identity to fight, there is no weapon to win this war.

Thank you for taking your time to read. ♥️

-Elle